It's been getting really hard hiding my genderfluid, Omni, and therian identity.

I've told both my parents and they both think i'm just trying to fit in.

But I'm really not, i struggle with gender dysmorphia on a daily basis. Constantly unsatisfied with the way I look.

I want to change my hair and style, but I don't have much money of my own. My mom is viamently opposed to me or my sister looking slightly masculine. Complaining when my sister got her hair cut short, and scoffing when one of my friends said I could pass as a guy.

I'm honestly very tired of this, and have been very depressed lately, locking my self into my room and just drawing.

When I told my parents about my current sate my dad laughed and said "I know you better than you know ypur self, and your lying. Stop looking for attention."

Being with my friends or at the library is the only time when I can speak freely, and not worry about saying something that will drag me into and hour long conversation.

It's gotten so bad that I don't show them most of my Oc/AE art because some of them are part of the LGBT+ community. I'm scared they'll tell me to change my characters just because they dislike that community. 

my parents constantly yell at me for tone and talking back, even though i'm never trying to disrespect them - generally i'm not even aware that i'm doing anything?? like i needed a parent's help with applying for this thing for school, and my dad was asking me if 4:00 would be a good time to sit down and do it, and i had to take a second to think about whether i would be done with my homework by then and then replied "uuuh sure!" and then he got all mad at me for not taking it seriously or only agreeing to that time to make him happy and that i was supposed to say "yes" when ??? "sure" and "yes" literally mean the same thing, it's just that "sure" feels more natural/genuine?? this happens so often - i don't know if it's like a generational thing or what where normal words mean completely different things to them?? 

and i get in trouble for talking back a lot, too - if they're yelling at me, especially for something i didn't actually do, what am i supposed to do, just stand there and take it? i'll often try to explain what happened the way i see it, and if i realize i did something wrong, i'll admit to it! i just don't know why they think that trying to explain my side of the story is actively disrespecting them, especially when i rarely raise my voice the way they do?? but at the same time, sometimes i sort of shut down when they're yelling at me, and i avoid eye contact and don't respond, and that's an issue too?? i don't get it.

and then they tell me that i need to communicate and express my feelings more, but the second i do (especially when i point out a behavior of theirs that hurts me) they start yelling at me. like one time i pointed that out to my mom by saying something along the lines of, "y'know, it really hurts when you tell me i need to express my feelings, but whenever i do, you invalidate them." and she basically blew up and told me she has nEvEr eVeR invalidated my feelings - but like ma'am. you are literally doing that right now. 

it's just so frustrating, and it makes being at home very difficult and exhausting because i'm constantly afraid of saying something that they'll take the wrong way :/ anyone else experience something similar? 

I am begining to relate to the first post on this thread a worrying amount ;-;

Thanks to everyone who replied to that comment :) I brought up what he said. First he denied it, then tried to downplay it, and finally my mom made him apologize. So yeah, hopefully the medicine will make it better.

anyone else just... have no motivation to do things that have a deadline? or motivation in general? I used to be able to quickly get things done and have free time, but now every day just feels like I'm walking through thick mud and promising myself that I just have to make it through this one mud patch and then it'll be done, only for it to not be done and for the next mud patch to be even deeper and bigger. And now even though I know that I need to get through this one small thing before a deadline, I just can't because I know there'll only be more after it, and after that, and after those, and I just start to wonder, is it really worth putting in this much effort?

*suddenly stops*

well, that turned into a rant I guess. oops.