I'm sorry. This sounds like it really sucks. I hate when people have that response of "well they didn't do it to me" as an excuse to be passive and indifferent towards another person's pain. It's not right. I'm sure you're not in the wrong, and I'm so sorry that you feel partially like you are because of how you're treated by this person.

I'm so sorry Setti, that sounds horrible :/ I don't really have any advice besides don't let it bother you? And honestly---sorry, this is a rant of my own---but sometimes I feel like I'm one of those people because there's this one girl at school who keeps genuinely trying to be nice to me and like it feels like she wants to be friends but I mean I just really DON'T want to be friends with her because she like gets really angry and stuff and I just... don't, but I don't want to tell her that straight up either because it's like mean, right, and also, like you're saying, it'll make her feel terrible about herself (she thinks I'm "amazing", so it's gonna hurt that much more... :/ and the thing is she really is nice and friendly and loves to read! Plus I have almost literally no other friends. But ahh she gets so caught up on all these LITTLE THINGS and I know she's probably okay but I can't with that...) so instead, I try to ignore her but I mean she just keeps on saying hi to me and apologizing to me whenever like she hits me (the other thing is that she doesn't seem to notice I'm even there a lot and just hits me... idk, maybe that's just how she is, but I've never really seen her do it with anyone else... and she does it a LOT. And she has like no perception of personal space, which is something that's really important to me) and it's been over a year now and I feel like I should either tell her that I don't want to be friends (which I am NOT going to do because OW) or try to be her friend, but the thing is that I DON'T WANT to be her friend, so there's like no good reason to do that, for either side, and I feel like acting like it will just lead her on, and she already has a bunch of friends, and it's just like... and I know I'm being really judgy, but idk how to get out of that, because I just genuinely don't want to be around her. :/ Like idk and sometimes she acts like we're best friends or something and it just annoys me because ya know, it's harsh, but not everyone will like you, and in the end, you just have to move on, because it's not a YOU problem, it's a THEM problem (as in, in this case, it's very much a me problem and not a her problem, because I have no idea why I don't like her so much, and I kind of want to tell her that but again, she is very genuinely nice and I don't want to like hurt her feelings)... *sigh* anyways, I doubt this is what's happening with you though, because what you're describing seems very just unnecessarily and pointedly mean (hopefully not in a way that I do it). And I think that it definitely is a them problem, and not a you problem, and I for one think of you as a wonderful person (although I hope you don't think horribly of me now, though it's fine if you do, because I know it's mean... and also if you do, I would appreciate you saying it to my face (face? Screen? But yeah I'll be fine with it) because I'm honestly curious? (probably not the right word but I can't think of the right word for it right now)), and those girls don't merit any of your concern. Ofc, knowing all that, as you said, probably doesn't help you not feel it. But good luck with everything!! <33

Yeah those kinds of people suck :( I remember trying to be friends with those kinds of people once because those were like the only kinds of people in my grade. Luckily there were a whole lot more new people who were nice and shared my interests the next year. Its not worth spending time with those who leave you out, and much easier and more fun to spend time with someone who pays attention and is nice and makes effort.

Thank you so much, @Moon Wolf and Celine - it means a lot :)

the first thing that comes to mind is that you probably should let your parents or doctors or teachers know about the chronic pain thing and walking too much - they might be able to find you some accomodations. or for the nausea thing they could let you bring a snack to eat in the morning before lunch. also is there a way you could not have to stand for the whole commute? also have you looked into food intolerances? i think you mentioned having gluten intolerance or something, but still eating bread anyway, which could definitely be causing a lot of these issues or at least contributing. have you been tested for a wheat allergy or celiac disease? if you have any issues with that sort of thing definitely ask about that. celiac disease and gluten intolerances can cause really weird stuff and for celiac you have to be really careful. regardless, i really hope you can find a way to not have to walk that much (and/or make it hurt less). or maybe a mobility aid could help? (like a cane or such) also idk how careful you are about gluten but it could definitely be worth trying to cut it out much more for a bit to see if that helps at all, especially if you have established issues, especially if you're having nausea (side note, i have the same thing about nausea in the morning/after eating (though i don't actually throw up thankfully) it's awful.) if i'm completely making up the gluten thing uhhhh just ignore this, i feel like you mentioned it though??? 

also if it helps i'm definitely excited to see when you post! i might post more later but this just came to mind

So sorry you have to deal with all of that...I'm not that good at advice but heres a *virtual hug* and a cup of virtual tea in hopes of it getting better for you. And my advice for making friends (which btw, is just my experience) is just trying to go up to people and talk to them. I tend to talk to those who look more alone because its easier to approach them than those who already have groups and etc. Its really hard to do it, but also really worth it because I've made really good friends because of it. If this doesn't help, then well, I just hope things get better. <333

I'm sorry, that sucks. :/ *sends virtual bear hugs and so much love your way*

well, first of all, if you feel like you really can't handle the CB author interview thing, it's fine ask Peri to do it (says the rules: "If the Author isn't able to do the interviewing, the interviewing falls to the previous CB Author."). I personally had to ask Setti to do it for me because I was too busy, and she did it wonderfully :) If Peri doesn't want to, then I definitely can! It's the weekend, so I have loads of free time now! Basically, please don't feel bad if you can't do it/are late with it, and you are able to ask somebody else to do it for you if you want :)

oof, that's a long commute :/ hm maybe would it help your mental health to listen to like calming music on your commute?? Idk, I'm just spitballing ideas here (lol, "spitballing". I love that phrase :D Although I think that that was the first time I've used it...? Anyways :) ). 

And, wait, lunch at two in the afternoon?? Your school has a lunch time that late?? That's possible?? :// oof, sorry. Does your school have a snack break/break in general before then? Or do you think you could explain the "eating a really small breakfast at 5 and lunch at 2" thing to some of your teachers and ask them if they'll allow you to quietly eat a snack during class? At least at my school, the teachers are really sympathetic---after all, teachers are human beings too! They get hungry---and will let my classmates do that if they're too busy during our usual snack break time to eat a snack. Either way, good luck with that <33

And oof, yeah, loneliness is hard :/ I get wanting to be at your old school again---I mean, at my old school, people knew me and I had my friends and my classmates would stand up for me and I felt at home, and here? Well, I'm starting to feel at home now, but my classmates here don't really acknowledge me the way people at my old school did. When we're doing group projects, they'll literally talk over me and only ask the other people in the group for directions and treat them like they matter even though I'm sitting right in the middle of this group and doing most of the work (seriously I literally thought up our question and our hypothesis, designed the whole experiment, drew the graph, did half of the experiment, cleaned up, etc. (that's basically the whole entire project) while everyone else goofed off, and literally no one acknowledged me :/ (okay fine sorry I lied---the teacher acknowledged me once while I was cleaning up, but yeah sorry going off topic and talking about myself now haha :) )). 

The point is, I definitely get (or at least think I get?) wanting to go back (although bullies :/) and wanting acknowledgement that hey, btw, you exist, and you matter!! (which, hey, btw, you do exist and you do matter, so much <3) But I think that really is also unhealthy thinking---not only because of the bullies, but because when you're only thinking about the past, you miss all the opportunities in the present. You miss going forward. I mean, last year, I spent my literal whole year looking back. I told myself that I really was trying to make friends, but whenever I could, I would spend my lunch time emailing my friends from my old school (because yes, I still had that schedule memorized) and when I couldn't, I would spend my lunch (and any break I had) reading---or worse yet, I would spend it writing sad poetry about how much I missed my old school XD. Basically, this tactic is called self-isolation, and I don't know if it's a problem for you, but it definitely did not help me make friends. And when I didn't have any friends, I told myself that I was fine, I was really fine, I loved to be alone. Because I'm just introverted, y'know? This is classic introverted behavior. This is natural!

Ofc, you said that you do try to make friends, so again, idk if the above paragraph applies to you at all, I'm just putting it there because that was really what stopped me from making friends last year.

But this year, I actually have one friend (and talk with another person, though I don't think he really counts; we're not exactly friends, but he transferred this year (we went to the same old school) and haha I was so relieved to be going to classes with someone who actually knows me again, and we're going to start a book-themed club together!! I'm so excited!!!) which has really made a lot of difference for me. But for us, we were already eating lunch together (my school like grouped people up and for the most part, those groups started eating lunch together I think), soo... well, I think it really helps to find people who have the same interests as you (duh :P), so does your school have any clubs you're interested in? You mentioned band maybe?? Is there anyone there that you think is cool? Maybe start by approaching someone who has the same lunch as you do and asking if you can sit at lunch with them (if you're not already sitting with anyone)?? Okay honestly, I would never do that, because wHaT iF i'M pReSsUrInG people into sitting with me if they don't want to?? But most times, I think people will be nice, and at least asking is something, right? This method worked for one of my classmates who was also feeling sorta adrift last year, so tried (and true?) method :) My dad recommends that if just approaching someone straight up and asking sounds daunting, then instead, to try just waiting until the class you have before lunch ends and casually asking one of your classmates if you can join them as you're all walking to lunch.

Or maybe ask one of your classmates for help with homework and ~somehow~ get to know them better (and have them get to know you) through that? My dad recommends asking questions about other people (e.g. so, what do you like to do in your free time? Any favorite books? Do you listen to "so-and-so" (like, idk, boygenius, lor, KC Katalbas, Taylor Swift (I'm like 98% sure you like her?), etc.)? Favorite food?). People love talking about themselves---as I have ~so graciously~ demonstrated in the above paragraphs ;)---and it's a good way to get talking! Again, tried and true method, I've done it, it's worked, my dad who's also introverted has (I think?) done it, and it has worked... :)

And having friends... well, it helps if you have friends who are similar to you, because I think talking to them is easier because you guys have the same interests. I think really just be yourself! Do how you do here, on the CB (although it's much harder to talk to someone in-person than with a screen separating you. I'm fairly certain that last year, the majority of my socializing with people at school was spent on my phone, sending the occasional text---hi, if it's no trouble, can you help me with this math problem?)! Honestly though, if you're at a loss in a conversation, just ask about school-related stuff---that might not be the best thing, idk, but it always works for me. We have a quiz coming up, right? What's our next class? Are you ready for the test coming up? What do you have for lunch today? Or, if it's still applicable, what did you do during the summer?

And sorry about your mental health :/ my only advice is somehow finding time to care for yourself---I remember you once said that you took the time to go buy like a... uh... some sort of pastry/burrito/smth and some sort of drink maybe, and it made you feel that much better? So maybe do that again, or treat yourself to something that makes you happy. Every little thing counts <3

And sorry about your physical health too :/ okay, I know it's not my place to diagnose, and all these professional doctors have already said that they don't know, but---and I have this feeling that you're shaking your head rn knowing what I'm about to say, but I'm that sort of annoying person who still thinks she knows better, and is still going to say it---do you think it could be arthiritis?

and you definitely aren't worthless and annoying <3 And you definitely shouldn't feel bad about not doing "enough"; it's not your fault that you're tired and your joints are being, as my brother likes to say, Not Very Nice >:/, but hm yeah I semi get that needing to help people... maybe find some other way to help out? Ask your parents if there's anything you can do? But ofc, don't get caught up in needing to help others! Caring for yourself is foremost I think; after all, I think there's that saying that you can't help others until you help yourself?

And it's definitely fine!! If you ever want to rant or anything, please don't worry about it! We're here to support you <3  <--okay now I sound like Baymax or something lol. But seriously :) love you sm/p, and best of luck with everything <33

And yes btw, the kids at my school do still say it's "Not That Deep" and I'm just like, what? What does that even mean?? *confusion* But what you're saying does matter---your health is important, no matter what ~the grand scheme of things~ says (this is definitely a tangent, but I feel like the grand scheme of things would have a haughty voice :P) :)

Oh no, I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time :(( *lots of virtual hugs and hot chocolate and soothing Lor music and anything else that would make you feel better*

It sounds really tough. You're definitely justified in feeling upset. I don't even have that long of a commute to school, but it's still kind of wearing, and I can only imagine what it would be like to have a ninety-minute one. As for not having any friends, I can relate to that a whole lot, but I can't imagine why nobody would want to be your friend. You're so intelligent and funny and creative and unique and a million other things. To me, at least, you really stand out, and if I met you irl, I would definitely want to be your friend. The people at your school are just missing out on something really great, and it's probably more their loss than yours, if that makes you feel better. 

As for not helping out as much at home, well, if you're not feeling well, you should definitely not help out! It doesn't make you a bad person, one of the most important things in life is taking care of yourself physically, and that's what you need to do right now. If you still want to do something for your family, you could do something really small like buying some flowers for the dining room table, but you don't have to.

Okay so here's my actual advice: for the friends thing, keep trying, if you feel up to it - you never know if someone is going to turn out to be an actual nice person - and I really hope you can find someone, but if you can't, maybe your family could provide you with some companionship so you don't feel too alone. Sisters are a great starting point in some cases - my sister is my best friend ever - maybe you could try starting there. Or maybe you have some cousins, or your family has friends who have kids of about your own age? (My other really good friend is the daughter of my mom's super-friend, so...)  That's about all I can think of. I'm so sorry you feel lonely - it's so tough.  If only we could meet irl so we could be each other's irl friends :/

For the health thing, i for one am not surprised that your mental health isn't great. One thing that helps is to look at it as just natural sadness or unhappiness, instead of the slightly scary-sounding "bad mental health" because honestly, mental health is one thing, but being frazzled and depressed and unhappy for perfectly good reasons is another thing. Thinking about it that way won't fix the irl stuff, but maybe it'll help you feel a little better. My mom was reading this book about healthy ways to process emotion while caregiving for others, and it says that the best thing is to just accept your emotions and live with them - meaning, give yourself permission to be sad, cry, ask your family for comfort time, talk about it, write it out  - whatever helps you personally. Some cultures have a thing where they express their emotions a whole lot - for instance, after someone dies, the family sits together all night and just cries and talks about the person - and that sort of thing is gradually being recognized as the best response. Anyway idk how useful that was and I think I went off on a tangent, sorry. My other advice would be to figure out a way to help yourself stay rested and happy, as much as possible. Like if you have a ninety-minute commute, maybe use that time to listen to music that inspires you, or read a book, or have a conversation over the phone with a family member. Assuming you're commuting on the subway and there aren't any seats, maybe you could just sit on the floor? I don't know if that would be a good idea, but maybe you could bring a cushion, prop yourself against something, and just sit and rest instead of having to stand all that time. 

Finally, for your physical health: this might sound far-fetched but do you think you might have long Covid? It's something that doctors are usually clueless about; it causes pain and fatigue and depression and other weird symptoms which seem to vary from one person to another; and there's been a huge summer wave of Covid, so it's quite possible that you've caught it. Also, you can come down with it even if you're vaccinated (it happened to the queen of England a while ago, among other people). And finally, long Covid can happen even if you haven't come down with the flulike version; in my experience, it can be just that you feel tired and depressed and just weird, without appearing to have caught anything. You might want to do some more research, but idk, it seems like maybe that's what you've got. If you do (and I hope you don't!!), some important things include taking vitamin B and D, just make sure it's certified (it works WONDERS - and now I sound like a traveling show from the 1800s), drinking sage tea, eating as well as you possibly can, and taking things really easily and slowly, and not stressing yourself. If life is stressful, well, life is stressful, but try to exist in your own zen bubble, because in this case, doing so really will make things easier.

And if it's just too much, then try to find alternatives. Maybe you could transfer to another high school, or look into a co-op or homeschooling. It doesn't have to be this way.

Lastly, a list of things that might make you feel happier right away (I wouldn't mind providing more if these aren't up your alley):

-blow-dried cow pictures

-guinea pig pictures and videos - there are a lot of really cute ones, and guinea pigs make things like this so much better :)

-maybe go outside for a little, just a minute or two. Just being outdoors in the sunlight, or natural light anyway, with fresh air and birds (even if they're just sparrows) and the sky, can help you enormously. If you have time, gardening is also a wonderful way to relax.

-well... if you have a crush, maybe spend some time thinking about him or her? Idk if there's an actor or singer that you think is kind of cute - if so, maybe you could treat yourself to a movie or a song by that person? (It is very possible to go from "I'm sad" to "I'm going to basically bounce off the walls and become a happy melted puddle" through the power of Romantic Love - ask me how I know) 

-on the same note, watch a movie or listen to some music, at dinner - that way you're not wasting time that should be spent on homework. Some quick recs if you want something to get started: La Vache, one of the sweetest and most comforting movies I've ever seen; Frozen 2, very inspiring and exciting; The Rose Maker, really sweet and interesting and similar to La Vache; "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World, a very motivational and energizing rock song; "Emmylou" by First Aid Kit, which seems a little similar to Lor's music; and "1 2 3" by the Indigo Girls

-maybe ask your parents if you can just sit with them for a bit and snuggle together

-relive ~old times~ through photos and old CB threads and the like? this is something you could do on your commute if you have a phone or a laptop

-eat something that you really like the taste of - it sounds weird but oftentimes, eating something tasty can really help your mood

-just in general, try to find the little things that make you happy, and focus really hard on them until regardless of your physical world, your mental world is a happy bubble of movie characters, songs, funny quotes, stories you've written, guinea pigs, whatever brings you joy. That is part of my recipe for happiness in life, and it worked for me over the past two years, so maybe it would work for you too.

Anyway, I really don't know if any of this was helpful - but hopefully everything will get better for you. You're such an amazing person and you deserve support and happiness.  If you need anything at all, just ask <3

Focus on the good things that you accomplished! What have you done so far that has been successful? Or if that doesn't help, focus on something else that you enjoy doing. Think about what you can do, or how you could improve. Otherwise, talk to a friend or trusted adult about it.

Mood. Ah, I'm sorry.