I know people who go by their middle names, I think if you like it, it's fine to do that. Also, I don't think it's strange to change your preferred name several times, as long as it's not close together -- in fact, every few years I have started going by a new name. I'm actually thinking of "rebooting" again, since I'm starting out at a new school this year and have undergone some changes with identity stuff. I'm actually stuck between a couple of names too. If you don't feel confident enough to pick out a new name to start using, I'd suggest sticking with your middle name; if you do, pick your favourite by process of elimination! As long as you're comfortable with what you choose, it should be all good!

Aw, I'm so sorry :/

You shouldn't have to feel like you have to hide your feelings. Maybe you could try opening up to your friend about how you feel - let him know that you're really happy for him, but also tell him that you wish you could have the kind of support that he does. He might be able to give you the support you need, especially since he knows firsthand what it's like.

It's normal to feel unhappy that you don't have as great an experience as others do - don't get too mad at yourself over it. But trying to deal with it in an open way, so that you can move past it and be primarily glad that others are having good experiences - while still making sure you yourself are getting the support or love you need - is very important, I would say. 

i feel you. i hope my parents would accept me, and they say they would, but they and my brother all make weird homophobic and transphobic comments once in a while and it freaks me out.

especially my grandparents, UGH. 

I'm sorry :( your parents sound like they really aren't very good with queer stuff. *optional hugs* i don't know what else to say but let us/me know if you need anything!

Should we use he/they instead of xe/xyr? 

also out of curiosity, was the issue he/they pronouns or something else? I'm just curious because I'm debating using he/they irl (if i ever come out again), and my other options would be neos, but you don't have to answer that 

Hahaha, I sympathize... I've been homeschooled since third grade, and suddenly contemplating a situation where I would have to study and interact with other people all the time is very unsettling???

Anyway, let's see. I've got some suggestions, hopefully they help :) If not, I'm sure you'll do great anyway!

-independence: honestly, I would say it's totally fine to not be independent. I'm planning to go to a college that's in my city, and keep living with my family. I know it sounds super weird, but I like living with my family. At least, it does drive me crazy sometimes, but not in a way that I can't take. And I can't see myself at 18 being ready to separate from my family and take on everything all by myself. So, if you're physically separate from your family, that's already enough of a challenge - don't think that you have to be emotionally separate too. It's totally fine, and in fact healthy, to call them up every single day, and ask them for advice on everything, and go running home for vacations. Families are families for a reason :) Obviously you don't want to be clingy and incapable, but whatever you need in the way of advice and emotional support, just go get it. Parents are usually more than happy to give it. And it's way more helpful to have a cryfest with your mom, the woman who knew you from the moment you were conceived - or with your best friend, or your sister, or someone - than it is to spill all your innermost thoughts to a stranger who has a degree in psychology. (Heck, I don't even like spilling my thoughts to my grandma who has a degree in psychology.)

All the same, you will need to be independent in some things, just because of the situation, so here are some tips for doing that: work on being organized and efficient (if you aren't already!) My mom was telling me about how tons of college students fail just because they weren't organized enough. Ask your parents for tips on doing the laundry, cleaning your room, setting up a schedule for chores, all that kind of thing - or, if you feel adventurous, go ahead and do it on your own!  However you do it, make absolutely sure that you're keeping yourself well-fed and rested, and your room clean, and you'll be good to go!

-making friends: gosh, I don't know either, that's what I'm asking myself too.. But I would say, just be friendly? Here are some ways to start up a conversation: ask a classmate what he or she thought about the latest lecture; invite someone to sit with you at lunch; invite someone to go do some recreational activities with you (colleges seem to pride themselves on their board games, gyms, etc, as if we were all five years old :/ ); try joining a club, like a theater club or something else where you can meet and interact with people who have similar interests; compliment someone; make a joke. You can also try to get to know your professors; college professors are often really interesting people, and while they won't be actual friends, they can still be  really rewarding to know. (Of course I'm biased because a lot of my family members are professors :P)

-what are you going to do with your life: you're going to have a wonderful time and end up where you were meant to be, I promise! It'll go sorting itself out as you get older and more experienced. For now, just enjoy the four years (I presume?) of college that you have, and try to use them to find what most motivates you and where you're meant to fit in the world.

Also, remember: if you absolutely hate college and cannot take it, it's okay to leave! Lots of people now aren't even going to college in the first place, according to what I've read; there are alternative paths, like agriculture, which is a rapidly expanding field and has something for everyone. Think of your upcoming college experience as something which may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you but is optional anyway, something you can leave if it doesn't turn out well.

Hope it all goes well for you, Sterling! *sends best wishes* we're going to miss you. Anytime you want to talk about it or get advice or whatever, we'll be willing :)

okay so you're not being whiny, don't worry. i'll try to post more later, but maybe you could ask him what he needs or that sort of thing??? idk if that's good advice at all, sorry. 

OMG ME TOO BUDDY. *cries*

Literally I am in the same situation except we're both AFAB but trans so my mum really hates that we're even friends. She's (I think?) on friendly terms with his mum, because they're both marching band mums and like organise parent things, but both our fathers are not at all supportive and he doesn't want his to know about this yet.

But literally he is the sweetest and most genuine person I know. They have like anything you could ever hope to find in a partner; they're kind, funny, cute, smart, super understanding, have the most beautiful smile/laugh and are really skilled with music things idk I literally love them so much but things have actually been really difficult, yes, mostly due to me. OK, basically entirely due to me.

Like I write about this kinda a lot sometimes, but I'll rehash here. So basically I don't know it started but we kinda flirted back and forth (I thought mostly platonically, but apparently not) for a while, but at some point became more serious about it. And at first I was really excited, because he's such an amazing person, if not a little worried, because hello it's me and anxiety is my middle name. I kinda felt like I didn't deserve to be that happy, but whatever, it was fine. We kinda worked out for a little bit and everything was mostly smooth sailing, except obviously my mum didn't approve. It really was great for a while, but then there was a point when it fully hit me how much I just don't deserve this kid, and what the heck am I doing I'm going to ruin their life, why did I ever think this was a good idea? So I kinda tried to distance myself subtly and that did not work. He quickly noticed (because before that we were basically attached at the hip and now I'm kinda wandering off instead of just being with him) and asked what was going on and I used the excuse of my mum not approving, suggesting we shouldn't hang out as much anymore. ...And he literally cried himself sick for a week. I felt so terrible and he kept saying it wasn't my fault but he always says that because that's the kind of person he is. So yeah, basically I gave up on that and just wanted to be with them again because, heck, I'm not happy when I'm separated from them either and it literally broke my heart seeing them that upset even if they tried to hide it. So we were ok for a little while, except now I had a twinge of guilt everytime I was with them because I knew that I had actually done something that really hurt them. At that point I was like yo, commitment is scary and idk if I should really being doing this when idk what I'm doing in the first place (this was my first 'real' relationship too), so I tried hanging out with other people a little more, saying I just needed space, and made sure that we were never alone (my mum also kinda pressured me to do this, but it was still my choice) and kinda encouraged him to hang out with other people too, because it's not really healthy to only have one friend/relationship anyway. He seemed a lot happier, so it was ok. For a while that worked fine and for basically the rest of the marching band season it stayed that way, even if it was a little precarious. We had a couple really sweet moments like at an amusement park for the band trip and on the bus ride home and literally if I wasn't in love before, I was smitten now. But my mum really did not like that I was still hanging out with this kid, especially since we were still getting closer still. So right before the end of the season she's like 'no interaction at all unless absolutely necessary' and I told him this, and obviously he was sad but understood and respected my decision, but we continued texting. She found out about that and got really mad, so I told him not to text unless it was an emergency. On the day of the last competition he literally just held onto me and sobbed the entire way home and like I was just at a loss for words, and couldn't cry for some reason and I worried that that would be interpreted as me not caring. I felt so bad at the end of the season banquet too because they were sitting off to the side not talking to anyone and I know they get anxious in these kinds of setting, plus now they don't have my support which they had all season, but there was literally nothing I could do to help. It was really terrible and I just felt like a horrible person for everything. At the end of the banquet I texted them that we could talk if they needed to, just to use a different app so it wouldn't be so obvious. And after that it was constantly me flip-flopping on needing a break/wondering whether I should even be talking to them, and then simping so hard and being like excessively sweet because I genuinely missed them and really cared for them, and then realising if I really cared I wouldn't be reinserting myself back into their lives and messing everything up again. I thought it would be better if I was kinda cold and had them cut me off on their own, except I couldn't bring myself to fully be cold to them, and they wouldn't drop me even if I was, so it was just a mess because I kept vacillating. It continued like that for months and every time I just felt worse and worse because I already hate myself and feel like I don't deserve them and would talk about that to the point it made them uncomfortable, and then I would feel terrible because now they're uncomfortable, so I'd want to get away from them so I don't hurt them anymore, which just hurt both of us, so eventually I'd get exhausted and come back, and they'd happily take me back, which just made me feel worse because I really don't deserve that and I know every time I come back I end up hurting them, and I hated that.

This whole cycle actually only stopped a few days ago after another one-sided argument with my mum. It made me realise just how much I value him and how as much as I want him to be happy (presumably without me), I desperately don't want to let go of him either. After I explained that they told me that they liked me from the moment they first met me and only fell harder after getting to know me more and never stopped believing in me ever since. Something in me snapped and I knew I couldn't just leave them again, even if it felt right in the moment, even if I just wanted to make things better. I decided I was gonna take this seriously and do my best by their side to make them happy, even if it meant messing up sometimes or hurting each other a little bit. Me disappearing wasn't going to make them happy, it wasn't going to be fine after a little pinch of pain, it was just me being immature. I wrote them a whole letter about how I changed my mind and was going to stick by them just like they've always done for me. They cared enough to stand by me this whole time even when it was really tough, and I don't want to waste that devotion. Even if I'm not enough, even if I have so many flaws I can't see how I could possibly make them happy, they are happy with me somehow, so I'll do my best to make that last forever.

Idk if that helps at all, but I get how you feel on such a deep level. I also am--well, was-- saying how I could never give enough, and he'd say it was fine, but I knew it wasn't and that he deserved more. I get consoling just feeling empty, even though you want to trust them, because you know what you're saying is true. I get hating yourself so much you sabotage the one thing that matters to you. But please just have a little faith. You might not be perfect, you might have so many issues it feels like you can never properly have a relationship, but that's not true. Really. If he really cares for you (which it seems like he does) he'll stick with you even through the tough parts, and you can work on becoming better people together. It's not about being enough or who deserves what. It's just about being together and finding happiness, even through the tribulations and mistakes and painful parts.