Hiii, I am, uh, finally here. :/ Really sorry this took so long. And thank you for putting up with me haha... 

First of all, ig your post might've been sorta whiny, since whining is basically just complaining, but I mean like, everything you said (i.e., "complained about") was valid and horrible and I'm sorry and please, whine as much as you want that's what we're here for </33 okay, I do agree with Hex, maybe a pronouns pin would help? And correcting people about your pronouns (that you're using in the places that you're out---I think you're using something different as your actual pronouns??)/gentle reminders (or, you know, just reminders---idk I just instinctively put "gentle" in front there because I do Not like conflict haha but if you really think you should give harsher reminders, then Ig that too). And I don't remember if you mentioned this, but make sure that everyone knows your pronouns and how to use them! I know some people who don't know how to use they/them to refer to a singular person (even though for the people in my experience, it’s the same thing as using they/them when you’re referring to someone who you don’t know the gender of or something—like for example saying, “hey, what is that car doing? They just cut me off!” but Ig people aren’t sure if it’s different as someone’s actual pronouns?? :/), and I think you mentioned not liking they/them, but as an example. If people are even the slightest bit unsure/worried they might mess up, they might not use your pronouns at all. :/ (edit: okay looking back I see that you’re using he/they… so I feel like that’s not the problem because people should at least know how to use he/him pronouns and it sounds like they’re not even doing that?? I’m really sorry :/ that’s just disrespectful. I’m not sure what to do in that situation except for constant reminders, though that probably gets tiring.) Or it could be possible that people didn't even know?? Btw, all of this might not apply to your situation, sorry, I'm just trying to think of as many things as I can. This year at my school, one of my classmates came out, except I'm super not in any social circles and don't talk to any of my classmates in general, and no one told me about it, and I didn't know his pronouns for like five weeks after school started. :/ so, could that be a possibility?? Wait actually I think you did say that the other kids don't know, so it's definitely your choice if you want to tell them! Okay I don't think what I'm saying is applying so far let me actually pull up your comment...

Maybe you could write out what you want to say instead of just outright saying it, if that would be easier?? But idk. And I do think you should speak up, because what’s the point of being out at those places if people don’t even respect your pronouns and stuff. You deserve to be called what you want to be called! And from what you've said about your parents before, I don't think they sound super supportive. And yeah, the freaking out/yelling/stress cycle is really hard. Your parents, in my limited perspective, don’t seem like they’re trying too hard to understand what you’re trying to tell them?? And it’s really hard to communicate with people when they’re not really open to listening, so idk how to help with that. But you are definitely not gross or wrong for being queer!!! Actually, it’s gross and wrong that you have to deal with all of this. If people are trying to be “supportive”, then they should try to actually listen and figure out what they can do to help instead of freaking out or making excuses (*cough* I constantly make excuses so I’m one to talk :/) or something.

*a few days later*

Excuses? Yeah, excuses. I'm probably known for excuses. :/ I try to work on your reply every day, except for the days I was sick and except for today because I got distracted uh, but it’s still not finished and I don’t think I’m going to finish it because every day I go to work on it I basically just edit my first paragraph and write like a few sentences of progress and anyways I am not rewriting it to adapt to this comment because that's going to take even more time so I just did bullet points so that's why it's not all neatly written out; it's bullet points of my opinion and advice and it’s very much unfinished.

- maybe talk to your therapist about how wrong her articles are and print out the articles to give to her and try to have her understand?? And also maybe if she understands that, she can talk to your parents but I doubt she'll do a good job but maybe??

- a cardboard pronoun pin (or pronoun pin in general) might be good! I wonder if words would be easier if you had a pre-written script memorized or is it just be being in the moment and talking that's hard (or something else)?

- that's horrible about being deadnamed ://

- about the college and living by yourself, I feel like there should be programs in place to help with that (unless that's just virtual college learning from home)?? But I'll have to look in that later (and write another response)

- and the constant dysphoria :// *sends hot mugs of tea and virtual hugs if you want them*

- also, same, I mostly didn't know queer people existed until I came on here, even though, looking back on it, it was shoved into my face in blazing letters all the time, it's just that I was just a really ignorant kid (and still am...) and no one really explained it to me.

- about the conversations with ignorant, well-meaning people, sorry you lizards have to do that :/ would it be possible to just point people to a website or something or would that be too dismissive and they wouldn't actually learn something and such?? Anyways, just throwing random thoughts out there

- I will say that I feel like the queer-friendliness or something is definitely relative to area, but yeah, we still have a looooong way to go with that.

okay, that's my comment, gonna post it, I'm sleepy

I feel the same way. Intrusive thoughts are the worse :( sometimes it helps to focus on the present moment or stare really hard at something, but it's still really difficult...

No, you are NOT a horrible person. The fact that you dislike the intrusive thought suggests that the intrusive thoughts are not your actual thoughts, and so they don't define you.  

Do what you want to do, don't let anyone control your future, as long as you belive in your self! i (have the same dream too LOL!) 

Im not a middle child but just hear me out...

Follow your Dream... 

(i just relized that this is my freind...LOL)

*hugs* it's really nice to see you :D

and yeah. it really really has.

everythings fine- *Jayfeather dies....*

*HUGS* if you ever need to talk, we're here <33

also, just wondering, was that a liar liar pants on fire thing?? Genius >:D