Haha sorry, this is kinda long... 

-*hugging my friend* “It’s a chokehold!!”

-“Having a starfish on me doesn’t facilitate my sleep!”

-“Is that a snake sneezing out its beard?”

-“Our fireteam requirements should be: do you like to eat fruit, toot, be cute, wear a suit, and play the lute?”

-“Oh MAN, do you smell like a tortilla—“

-“If you don’t stop with the infinitives, I will break your face!”

-“When I try an Australian accent, it sounds like a dying armadillo in a vat of coconut butter.”

-“This is about a ship being pulled into a pocket universe, not throwing apple cakes!”

-“But he’s supposed to be saving the day with well-timed farts!”

-“He’s a beast in noodle sparring though—“

-“Every day, a new mutton joke”

-“PANCAKE PANCAKE PANCAKE PANCAKE PANCAKE”

-“Pick up the rice, it’s going to die of exposure!”

"Sksksks, jajajajaja, hahahaahaha, houhouhouhouhou: I just laughed in four languages."

"I drink la croix cause it's good." 

"Time zones usually don't affect the time by three days..." 

"I remember elmo kissing babies"

"LIFE ADVICE: don't get a manbun (unless you're michael)."  

"The polar express is pRoPAgAnDa and fake news" 

~"She's a taco"

~"What's ironic about the post-excersise hot chocolate is that it's 400 calories."

~"GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE, LL"

~Mom: do you have a runny nose?

Me: no *sniffs*

~"Waitwaitwait, Gavin's absent not because he's sick, but because he did a Jumanji and now he's a character in Apex!!!"

~"You busquen, I busquen, we all busquen"

~J: que significa as escuchen? (Translation: what does "escuchen" mean?)

Me: Busquen gang

~"Hot potato (pronounced "hoot patutu")"

~"You possess none of the busquen power!!"

~"Watching *really good pianist* play the piano like: his hands are having seizures!" 

More!

-----

"Colby, would you say you sound fat?"

"Chewy hummy graham crackers"

"You could get an emotional support moose"

"I want grandberries!"

"You missed it, Jared just flew by."

"Here, have an antigoat."

"Oop, I dropped my bomb"

"Pamorana"

"It's a patriotic bucketlift!" 

"Look! It's the communism connect four!"

"Hey, wanna lie on the floor?" "Ooh, yes." "THAT'S WHAT THE FLOOR IS FOR"

"I brought the water bottle of justice."

"And then he asked me and B if we were dating!" "Oh, isn't it HORRIBLE when people ship you with your friends, AA, isn't it HORRIBLE"

"Breathing the same air? Practically kissing."

"No orc." "But I want the orc." "No orc. But I want the orc!" "No orc." "But I want the orc!" "No. Orc." "BUDDIWANT THE ORC!" and so on.

"AH YES THE L-U-P THING" "Wow, ok"

"I HAVE SEVEN HUSBANDS! WE ARE NOT DATING!"

"Sometimes life be like the tomatoes. Disgusting" 

"The orc has to be named Killian."

"So now I can jump up to the window..." "You can fly." "Oh, I forgot."

"Yeah, we also taught him to reference Heathers." "NOOO"

"I am not signing as Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. I am not."

"OWOOOOOBEEEE" 

A few of these were me, but most were my friends. I can give context if you want. Or more quotes. I have weird friends.

*Playing a game*

”Name three animals that start with the letter ‘j’.”

*silence*

”Does Jragon count?”

*four of us end up writing Jragon* 

jackrabbit, jaguar, and . . . junco

Admin

Me: Ha we’re like sardines in a can.

J: No, that’s terrible!

Me: Yeah ‘cause sardines are dead.

J: No, we’re like...trees in an orchard. That’s nicer.

-“Tomato tornado”

-“NONE OF THE HYVEE EMPLOYEES HAVE CHINS!” *hysterical laughter*

-Sam: “How can I tell which glue is toxic?”

Kate: “The nontoxic one smells like butts.”

-“Ew, nobody wants a loin goiter baby!”

-“I WILL SHOW YOU THE POWER OF THE BUTT SIDE”

-“Murder is like potato chips!”

-“Fat Lobster Man”

-“She called me a feminine potato!”

-“When it smells like a big blue grape entered the room, that’s when you know it’s time to leave”

-“SYMPATHETIC TOE PAIN! SQUEEEEEE”

-“You thought her hair was a phone?”

ROAD TRIP SHENANAGINS:

~"High-five the sun"

~me: *reading from a fortune teller: "'You wll develop a deep appreciation for poetry'."

my brother: "One fish... two fish... red fish... blue fish. Aaah, poetry!"

~"Mmmm. Smells British."

~"Run away from the cat! AAAHH!"

~"Holy cookies"

~"There it is = there's it = their zit"

~"She was gonna kill the dog lady"

~"Texas is life"

~"I'm going to attack you with my nostril."

~"Forget the nostril, I'm attacking you with TOES!!" 

~"How do you know what dead carcasses smell like?"

~"I think he's gonna punch you..."

~"Dad's snoring = the horn at the beginning of the battle of Helm's Deep"

~"Did you just smell your sock??" 

~"Junior year is when it starts getting cereal--- I mean real,..."

~And that long discussion about roadkill... 

-Me: "Does this hallway smell like chicken nuggets?"

R: "You are so WEIRD!!!!"

 - "Your pretzel ban will be lifted in two weeks."

-"And the category is...car bumper stickers!"

-Me: "I got glasses."

R: "omg, really!? I like them!!"

Me: "kidding, these aren't mine"

-Me: "My school picture isn't that bad, right?"

R: "You look like you just committed a crime and are trying to hide it."

-K: "I'm so happy because tonight we're having pickles." 

Quote from our math teacher:

E: I am.....not smart!

Mr J: We know.

Also.....let's see

D: So which one do you think is cuter?

Me: The one that's not attached.

Ok so that's not really that funny. But anyway the context is that D gave me a key chain stuffed animal thingy that had the same name as my crush, and i clipped it onto my belt loop thing to keep it out of the way while we were walking.

A: It would be weird if someone had a binder-shaped butt......

I have some good ones, I KNOW i do, i just can't think of them right now....... 

Before I forget:

~"It smells like hot dogs... or paint... or any combination!"