*a scene appears on tv with pretty scenery around some smokestacks* I gasp in awe and say, “...... POLLUTION!”

-a few weeks after my friend kicks around a Temmie plush, I come up and say to her, Hey, have you suffa Temmies wage yet? (I will tell you the translation if no one gets it)

-Another friend makes this speech a lot for some reason:

I am THOR, SON of Odin, RULER of Asgard, KNEEL before me PATHETIC MORTALS!

It gets better though, when I try my hand at saying the speech and it comes out like this: 

I am Thor, son of Asgard, ruler of Odin! 

-(we decided to make a few plays one time, and one of them was the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible. We didn’t have much props, but we dealt with what we got)

*me as God* “You can eat of every starburst candy here, but you shall not eat of the Doritos of good and evil.”  

-*us watching the world of light cutscene before it shows Kirby living*  

My friend: Welp, everybody died. 

-My friend plays the trumpet  

My other friend: Your trumpet sounds like a dying goose.

-Me: You will need to be punished. Lock her up in the FORTNITE PRISON! *shows rooms with people playing Fortnite*

My friend who is getting ‘punished’: NOOOOOO!

-*friend pretends to die* 

Friend who is dying: I’m dead. 

Me: But-

Friend: I am sorry, I’m dead.

~~~~~~

this post is getting too long I will stop now. Maybe I will make a part 2 sometime! 

And it resurfaces! Here are some funny things that my friends have said lately--

-

"It's not like I'm going to break into someone's locker and be like 'give me your gym shorts'."

"I'm so clogged up I feel like a hosepipe."

"Why have a kid when you could have a yacht?"

"I have the entire Hamilton soundtrack downloaded to my phone, do you have a problem?" 

Well you guys, it's been 3 weeks and there's a lot of funny stuff I documented just for you!

~"This is a C cord *plays* it sounds like death"

~"Jeffabeth"

~"RahgoOoski"

~"Anyone with... *eyes the girl with a boot* foot problems"

~"It smells like air freshener and... death"

~G: Hey Eliza it's a Nimbus 2000

Me: Oh yeah well I have a Firebolt so... yeah

~"I'm the holiest! Haha losers"

~"yeeyeeyeeyeeBREAD"

~"Homer Simpsons is a spaceship"

~"Hey Logan, you're wearing a noun"

~"Biggest Chungus!"

~"...They're not talking about a lolipop."

~"I need an N word for this acrostic that isn't nostalgiac, narcissistic, or Nutella."

~"You are a POTATO"

~"Timmy the volleyball is a LEGEND"

~"Life"

~"I think if we added avoado to it, it woukd be trendy enough to be a picture" 

This is what ends up happening on a Sunday night in my household.

-*is carrying a cauliflower around like an offering at a slow march* "caully caully Caully CAully CAUlly CAULly CAULLy CAULLY CAULLY!!!"

-"Okay you just take your picture of a bird projectile vomiting and go!"

B- *is peeling apples and finds a worm* "I don't know if I want to eat that now."

M- "Don't worry the oven gets hot enough to kill anything in there."

B- "Isn't that like eating...incinerated poop ash?"

~"They haven't seen The Princess Bride?? Inconceivable!!"

~"It's like Donald Duck with sleep paralysis"

~"I dunno, I just told her I wasn't blind and---" 

~ Running around I'm a headless tractor I'm too late to get on amazon

~ Bear hair is yellow and smells like pear bales!

~Yip yip yip yeah yeah yeah It's MEGA EX!

~ If all the sea was salt and all the food were sheep, would a cat's ears burn orange? 

~"Oh, he's just writing his paper. And wrestling with a plastic snake"

~"You smell like a wet dog"

~"I called Emma a potato"

~"Are you a kangoroo?"

~"Mmm, poison."

~"He knows too much! Gavin, get out the rubber band."

~"My eraser is a member of Student Council"

~"Are you trying to lay an egg?" 

me: d, why are you depressed

a: because she's a seventh grader

me: makes a lot of sense 

Probably what my class talks about the most is how dead they are.