~"WED-NES-DAY!!"

~"I'm concerned for that 5-year-old's mentality"

~"You're dancing with a dead finger?"

~"Nutts & Butts *insert copyright symbol thingie here*"

~N: what's not okay?

Me: our mentalities

~Me: *using a fortune teller on my friend Gavin

Gavin: 10! *I go ten times.* 10! *I go ten times.* 10! 

Me: *flips up the flap for 10* haha you're dead

~"Overwatch on the Switch!"

~"*fails* aw yea!"

~Teacher: M, how do you say 'spring' in Spanish?

M: ... el springo

~"Look at this graph, isn't it neat, wouldn't you think that my memes are complete?"

~"BEETH OVEN" 

~"Harry the spider and Jeff the eraser should be friends!"

~The following conversation is about an apple. That part is important.

Gavin: This tastes like a pear

Logan: maybe it is a pear

Me: It's a plum you idiot

~E: I think we should just start screaming.

Me: that seems logical

E: you know what, Eliza? You're not logical.

~me: You have old lady hands!

LL: *gasps* I'm Mrs. R!!

~"Best new oxymoron: Christian rap"

~"Youtube... with.., V-sause"

~"Are you doing a Caillou Whip & Nae Nae??"

~"B's a cannibal" 

Oh boy, this gem of a thread needs some ToPpInG! (Top top!)

~"My dog's name is Leo, it's leo it's leo it's leo what the heck is that"

~"I have the legs of a corgi dog!!"

~"She did a Mrs. R"

~"Fr. S said I should be a priest,"

~"What's the plural of Pikachu?"

~"Confused-About-Coffee Karen"

~*inpersonating the teacher*: four on the floor

Response: Four on your floor

~"Old people love it when you do nice things,"

~"I have a Google Doc full of morbid poetry!"

~"I should draw Dake's girlfriend," *a few mintes later "Dake's girlfriend's name is Steak!"

~"The dog is named Yardstick because he only has three feet"

~"Poke-pants"

~"MMM. Cheese. MMM!"

~"The kazoo tastes weird,"

~"She likes waffle cones. Like, big waffle cones."

~Acronym for remembering the names of the time zones: Homer's (yes as in Homer Simpsons XD) Awesome Pancakes Made Cynthia Eat

~"Joe Mamma" 

-“Death by papaya”

-“Why did you throw a battleaxe at Ava?!?”

-“I’m kinda nervous about the fact you guys know which human parts are tastiest”

-Katie: “I’m not reading! I’m looking at automatic catfood dispensers.”

Sam: “You know, as one does.”

-“ALL HAIL THE SHOVEL GOD”

-“Congratulations, you are Toilet Thor”

-"Is that a disembodied Olaf head??" 

- (playing Mafia) Zoey: "I think Clara is the murderer!"

Clara: "Why would you say that?" 

Simone: "Um, you're holding a giant axe??" 

J: “This hurts like a butt cheek on a stick.” 

Me: “Definitely the right one. On a sharp metal stick.”

J: “Environmentally friendly. Like a shish kebob stick.”

Me: “A biodegradable skewer.”

Me: “This hurts like a right butt cheek on a biodegradable metal shish kebob stick.” 

"Do birds have ears?"

"Yams are ox meat!"

"Ducks are amphibians!"

alright, I'll admit, I said that last one XD 

Oh wow, it's been far too long...

~"Both British people and their tea are strong and bitter!"

~"If my life was weather..."

~"ToEs"

~"We always know when C's here because their sax sounds like a dying duck"

~"death by baugette"

~*hits the side of a metal bell kit stand* "It's definitely a sleigh bell. Needs tuning though"

~"Does anybody else have a clue as to why a bag of mini cinnamon rolls has become a hacky sack?"

~*falls very obviously* *recovers* *goes to parent* "so i fell down" *cries tears of embarrassment* (Lol this one is me)

~"Frat boy group: Rhett, Bret and Chet"

~"ElEvEnTeEn"

~"Did you just say that a kidney is a fruit?"

~"Diet Doctor Pepsi"

~"My calculator is a HydroFlask" 

All of this happened during lunch. It was a busy day.

-Do birds have ears?

-Can cows lay eggs?

-Geese and ducks are amphibians because they drink water.

-They don't have scales they have gills!

-Ducks fly...wait what?

-Dear God child let me have a piece of my pretzel.

-Toast cheese is too holy to eat.

-Buzz Lightyear went to infinity and beyond.

-Franklin the turtle be true literature.

-She's harassing your flute.

-I blame George Washington.

-Mr. Bag, oh no!

-Cows cause the common cold.

-Cows lay eggs, therefore eggs are dairy.

-Cows are poultry products.

-Cults should sacrifice vegan substitutes for goat meat.

-George Washington existed during the Civil War.

-Goldfish created Communism. 

Okay so I'm making a project for school about the Hobbit and I'm making the Arkenstone out of some fake gems that I have. My mom has never read the Hobbit and this is what happened.

-"What even is that?"

-"The Arkenstone."

-"Is that like stones from Arkansas?" 

Oh my goodness I forgot about this! Ok, time to make more funny friend comments.

-Don't play as Pichu HE IS A NIGHTMARE

-Me: Then Clay met Peril.  

P: Oh, that's sad. Rest in Peace.

-Can we recieve Waluigi's blessings?

-FrIsK iS BrOcK's cHiLD

-I'm going to voice Sans in a Western accent. 

-P: Tell me my future.

Me: You dying.

P: Before that.

Me: You in the middle of dying.

P: Before that.

Me: You starting to die.

P: Wait, what was I doing before the process of dying?

Me: Uh...

P: *dies*

-A dark lord beaten by a yellow mouse.

-I'll put my Waluigi plush on top of this lampost so that people can pay respect to him.

-(a little bit of context: Me and a friend {who we'll refer as Luigi since she was playing as Luigi} were playing Mario Maker 2 and we decided to play an unfinished level that only had a little bit of land and just lava beyond it and there was no way to get to the goal, so we decided to do a bunch of dumb things, including me jumping on Luigi's head a lot.)

Luigi: My head is fractured...

Me as Mario: Oh, we need to go get to get the doctor. Be right back. *jumps in lava and comes back in bubble* Hi. I am the doctor. Is your head fractured?

Luigi: Um no....

Me as Mario: Oh ok. *jumps on Luigi's head*

I've got so many XD QUOTE DUMP

**

"I'm doing great! Knock on wood!" *Finds the nearest table* *Knocks on it*

"Quote of the day: 'Who is this random person I'm sleeping next to?'" 

"I'm looking tired. But cute tired."

"My ultimate pale is N's ultimate tan"

"Draw my egotistical self as a duck?"

"I just broke my ankle on the floor"

"I got a call from Rapid City, South Dakota. Like, where even is that?" "In South Dakota!" "But where's South Dakota? I always forget that South Dakota is even a state. Who even lives in South Dakota?" "It's right below North Dakota." "But where is North Dakota??" "It's above South Dakota!" 

"Guardians of the Gale-axy"

"I just narrowly avoided a banana."

"I'm eating pickles and bread while you eat chocolate."

"Fake?" "No, faithful."

"I have clogged porgs."

"What were we talking about? ....Abs, right."

"HOLD UP STOP EVERYTHING N'S GONNA RANT"

"I'm going inside, my eyebrows are freezing."

"You can't just throw tongs at your employees!" 

-"My family is killing me bc they want to listen to Christmas albums and I DON'T. I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO PENTATONIX NOT SINGING CHRISTMAS COVERS PEOPLES LEAVE MY PANDORA ALONE."

I need my own phone. 

-"You're standing there with a bandaid on your face while eating salmon bites and complaining about how itchy it is!"

If anyone would like a story I would be happy to provide. XD 

Yes, several of these are me and S, but I don't get out much and they're funny anyway.

-Me: "If you touch me, you will regret it."
S: "Why?" 
Me: "Because... I don't know. But I'm sure I'll know if you touch me." *unsuccessfully menacing face*

-R: *says something about something I can't remember*
F: "It's M's fault!" (The M that's not me, of course!)
Me: "Yeah it's totally M's fault!"

-S: *follows me around*
Me: "What are you doing?"
S: "You have a hair on your back."
Me: "Oh okay." *stops walking*
S: *grabs a handful of my hair* 

-S: *pokes my leg under the table*
Me: *squeals in shock*
JP: "What was THAT, who did that!?"
Me: "It was me, sorry." *turns sideway so S can't get my leg*
S(not realizing that I had moved): *pokes pig under the table*
Pig: *squeals and grunts*
S: "Wow, I've never heard you scream like that M!" 

-M(playing Narrator in Mafia): "And the Sheriff decided to accuse this young lady." *pats me on the head* (Btw he's talking in various weird accents here)
Me: *shocked and laughing* "What?"
M: "So who thinks our dear M(me M this time) is guilty?" 
*everyone raises their hands*
M: "Well, good job everyone, you just killed your Doctor!" (I was Doctor in this round)
*everyone groans*