The taste of wax in melted chocolate

Sipping on warm, flat soda

Knowing I'll regret the sugar later

Eyes tired and dry,

I really should be home, it's late, but

I can't bring myself to go.

I know the moment I step away from the table

I will no longer be a Rogue, a robed traveler

Oozing in charisma

Blessed with dexterity and intelligence, instead

I will be a small figure in baggy clothes

With frizzy hair I cut myself

Walking alone in the thick darkness

Darting between streetlights.

Truthfully, I feel safer under the cover of dark,

Each spray of light feels like it exposes me

Places a glowing target on my back,

Sets me in a clearing

Where I can't see into the forest, 

But the forest can most certainly see me.

Even the deepest, heaviest darkness

Is incredibly fragile, after all—

Just a spark and it's shattered

Sticky but brittle, it seeps but cannot be contained.

My affinity for the shadows, the knife in my pocket

Is all I share with my stealth bound adventurer.

Debating whether I should put this in the poetry contest or not. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Photograph

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Immure us in sepia,

Blazed into paper

A form of us, a ghost

You keep locked in your memories

As we were that day

Untouched by age 

Unbroken as we were

Filtered through a layer of light and glass

Paper-thin and paper-deep

But at least you have our faces,

Carved into neither wood nor stone

For something that you can carry in your pocket

Hang up on the wall

Hold in your hand, like you would our real faces

Something less unforgiving

Than a carving, but so much more superficial

But it's real to you 

So keep believing it will last forever

That we are still the children in your photographs

last night we looked up at the stars and created our own constellations / except they kept crumbling apart because / there are too many satellites in the sky and / they sliced our sketches through the clouds / neatly like my dad cuts apples / we climbed on top of a storage container / sat criss-cross with the metal ridges digging into our skin / I told you where the best boba is in my town / you told me which restaurants to avoid in your city / we both listened so carefully / even though we probably will never visit / probably will never see each other again after this week / you kissed me in the parking lot / we always kiss in parking lots / it doesn't sound aesthetic but I promise it is / your eyes are illuminated by the street lights / I can't stop looking up at the stars / god they are so much prettier back home / I'm not allowed to miss home though because / home is where I lose you.

there are

burning muscles ripping out of my legs

cleats shredding the skin on my ankles

grass staining elbows and knees

curls escaping from a messy ponytail

there are

pink watercolors splashed on her cheeks

pale arms brushing against mine

distracted glances flickering away from the field

restless fingers searching for a refuge

there are

aimless feet racing towards the wrong goal

stinging knees smeared red

shouts ripping at my ears

eyes wrestled from her back

there are–

she laughs at me because

my legs are covered in goosebumps

it’s january

it’s freezing outside

our breath is drifting through the air

she tells me I should’ve changed after practice

I tell her that my still burning muscles would’ve died

if I shoved them into jeans but

maybe I do regret it now

our smiles are quick

flashing white teeth

a glimpse of the constellations above

we are walking to the diner

we have promised to do homework

we will not do homework

instead we will share rootbeer floats and french fries and

I will knock my red converse against her dusty white ones

we will squeeze into the corner booth and

recite poetry with ridiculous voices

the waiter will sit and chat with us about our day

we will gossip over math notebooks until

the diner is closed and

then we will be forced back into the winter chill and

then she will whisper a secret in my ear and 

I will freeze and

I will never think about anything other than

the ragged tone of her voice again and

I will simply grip her hand in mine until

she squeezes back because

maybe it will make her feel safe again.

loneliness tastes so sour in my mouth / I don't think I will ever forget the taste / even when my tongue is drowning in sweet sentences / it will be lingering / staining them with sadness / you don't understand because / we walk together every night / how can you be so lonely / with your hand in mine / is what you ask / I don't answer / there is no use in spending words / that will amount to nothing / everyone is one room over / I can hear them laughing / why can't I go over there / please just let me leave / let me join / but I know that I would only spoil their fun / with stupid jokes / with unsettling smiles / why are you so fake / they ask me / I was never taught otherwise / I tell them / I think they feel bad for me / maybe that's okay / pity is still acknowledgment / god I am so pathetic / they are trying to speak to me / I am running back to the room over / let me have my distance / it is all I deserve.

You say I'm quiet

quiet and boring 

I smile and shrug

talking hurts, not just me

You tell me I read a lot

I do, but

I know that's not what you mean 

I read between the lines you say

and you can feel your meanings being picked apart 

it unnerves you

makes you uncomfortable 

You like making no sense,

getting away with saying things you don't say straight up 

You think (just because) I'm small and slower

I can't tear into you the way you do your prey.

You're mistaken.  

Hey, uh, yo

I'm in need of a rescue, superhero

Can you help me?

Lemme explain-

I see you flyin' around and

Save the world and

Don't break a sweat

You charm the ladies

Buddy with the guys

Others can be

famous/fashionable/cool

You're all that

And so much more

You are always helpin' out

Those in need

Lemme just tell ya

Your powers aren't what make you super

Believe me, I know

You're the good guy

So mebbe you like

The bad girls

I'm a bad girl-

I'm bad at most everythin'

Plus

I've got it bad for you

I've got to admit

I really doubt

You remember my face out ot

Thousands

But you gave me a spark

That turned inferno

And now my heart's on fire

I have a buring desire

That only you can quench

You save the good

Defeat the evil

But I'm thinkin'

The real villian in the room is you

So to speak

Ya stole my heart

And held it hostage

I doubt you'll ever return it

So yeah, I'm gettin' desperate

I need help but can ya

Save me from you? 

Have at it and try, superhero

This might be the one thing that

You won't succeed at. 

Ripples-

all the despair and turmoil

in me

it's so obvious

and yet no one sees it

is nobody aware or

am i just hiding it well

i can't see how

i'm all tears and rain

waves on water

when you look 

at the reflection

of some forest pool

the sky and branches mirrored

so calm and perfect

and i just want to dive

dive into that perfect world

but the slightest thing

breath of a butterfly's wing

will cause ripples

and crack that perfect

illusion 

I wander the town by the ocean looking for you

It is bleached white as a bone from the endless rotation of sun and wind sent by the moon

Perhaps I am the moon

Chasing the radiance of your sun

Sending life and air and nothings that are words that you can't hear

Pushing tears back, pulling tears out

Hoping that someday I will reach true heaven

Because I am high in the sky when one looks from the ground,

But not ever as high as you, our difference in height is incomparable 

And I believe happiness is where you are, for you are the happiest I know

Perhaps that is why when I rise my vision darkens

You are my oxygen and so

Only the heart of my gaze remains alive, seeing

A ghost of your presence

When seperated by such distance.

I ache for connection with you,

Like pressure on a broken bone

The loneliness presses on my broken heart

And I do wonder if reaching you will fix me

Will changing my form, from moon to star, make me happy?

Will joining you mend my craters?

I was once asked what makes me not feel like a moon,

Why do I want to be a star?

It just feels right, like gravity drawing me to be

But that's not the answer they seek.

How do I answer?

crush.

when you think someone likes you, 

it makes you question yourself, 

your ego, 

and

well, 

everything. 

your friend laughs and say ‘you like his music because

you like him.’

except you don’t, and then he asks your friend,

‘hey, check your messages.’

why?

or maybe you’re just overthinking.

and you think too highly of yourself 

no one would like you.

but it’s just one big mess and 

if he confesses, you can’t be friends.

or at least, that’s what society tells you. 

and maybe,

once,

you did like him. 

except it’s too late, and too much, and too

scary.

tyler playing through your earbuds, 

it’s his playlist you’re listening to,

which is funny because of what just happened

although.

there isn’t any proof.

so there you go, down the same rabbit hole,

what happens 

when you think someone likes you.