we can’t see the stars so

we are gazing at the mountains instead

the glow of windows studding the slopes might

be the perfect alternative

maybe if we squint there are constellations in

the reflections of TV screens

the lamps flickering

illuminated curtains billowing out open windows.

we can’t see the stars but

we can see the moon

it’s hovering over the hills

full enough to look fake

painted between clouds perhaps

a ball ready to drop

we count like it’s new years

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

the moon doesn’t fall from the sky but

maybe it sinks a few inches

shunned by our mocking.

we can’t see the stars and

I don’t notice anymore because

his fingers are linking with mine

we are knees pressed against knees

shoulders against shoulders

my hair in his face but

maybe he doesn’t care

maybe he doesn’t notice

our grins bright and quick

maybe they can be our shooting stars 

I am wishing on his flash of teeth.

we can’t see the stars nor

can we pretend to see the stars

there are no homes cradled in the mountains anymore

their lights extinguished

we wonder if they truly exist

the stars

you know

under the layer of smog or

perhaps there are only lies 

glittering down on us.

I can’t see his face anymore

does it truly exist beneath

the blanket of darkness or

perhaps there are only lies

staring down at me.

Mirage

Where have you gone, my love?

Where are you now, hidden behind the mist/

I stand on the shore every day

I wait for you to come

My soul calls your name

Life is always just a mirage

and now you are one too,

hidden behind the mist.

I put it simply. I even 

bought a smile at the drug store.

Of course i’m not that serious! just choking

The smog here’s thicker than clotted blood i’m 

fine

(i’ve always been, i have to be)

Titanium shatters like glass (i’m just exaggerating) 

I scribbled you a letter, thirteen pages full of lies because I’ve never said the truth

At least these lies don’t hurt (as much, at 

least)

You never knew me. No one did. And maybe it should hurt - 

But why? 

To fade behind a gilded mask and flowing cloak is safe, at least, or

Safer - 

These satin ballroom gloves won’t fray, 

reveal the universe of questions

dreams 

And swirling worlds inside -

my letter did, a bit, so it must burn.

Vines,

Entombing the minivan choked 

by rust (there’s no hint of the color it used to be) -

the seats are infested by fungi: languishing,

starved

in the plastic filling and fabric and all of the 

glass shards. 

Was the window broken when the world began to end, 

or did the leaves shatter it like a broken heart?

They bend the car out of shape like it’s nothing but clay 

yet they're only clematis. 

years ago, one might have found the pink flowers

nothing but charming, or breathtaking, even.

it’s a pity, then, almost -

just almost - 

There's no one here to see them.

In a ditch nearby, the one underneath

the flowered arch left with no bridge to hold its shape -

Underneath the fragments 

of asphalt and semi truck spilling

out oil and 

all the poison ivy,

Coins are strewn.

Nickels, quarters, and so many pennies, 

they all look the same at this point

Killed for, once; now wholly meaningless -

(though a long time ago,

a bird

might have eaten one - dropped

from the sky, wings stretched out in pain.)

There are no birds anymore, and the bills,

worth far more than pennies corroded with dirt,

disintegrated decades ago.

This world is the plants’ domain, 

as it was at the beginning -

The trapped ghost of dazzling metropolis 

Was exorcized with the rest of humanity.

It’s funny how little that mattered -

This is a quiet world now, just the wind 

rustling leaves,

clattering together crushed soda cans and cracked smartphones 

that haven’t glowed in centuries. 

Perhaps it’s better this way

For when they meet their end, when the leaves

all turn brown and crumble to dust,

Rose thorns and nightshade will feel no pain. 

Every cough is a chuckle

Every sigh is a suppressed laugh

Every quirk of your lips is an invitation to crack a joke, make a scene

Until you turn and I see that you were just trying to draw blood.

I keep reading situations wrong,

And reacting wrong,

And I laugh while everyone else is in silent dissapointment and it's so quiet and my laughter rattles around the room like it's a scream and I want to just plug my ears and I don't know what I'm doing anymore and what I'm feeling anymore and maybe all my feelings are just my mind imprinting what I think I'm supposed to feel until it's as good as what I'm feeling until it's what I'm feeling until there's no difference---

I pick up sarcasm only sometimes

And I think that I'm fine until I suddenly start crying

And I've cried for four days in a row now because I'm acheiving my dreams

But who knew that my dreams were so high up

And who knew I had a fear of heights

And who knew the ladder was wobbly and that a gust of wind could send me plummeting right back down to the ground;

Who knew that stars burn when you reach for them.

And I wonder if it'll be like this the whole year

And I wonder why I'm like this

And just thinking about working to earn my dreams makes me erupt again---

I think I could cure world thirst with all my tears---

But no, I can't, actually

So nvm.

-FRIENDS

Do you recall when we were kids

Pals since diapers and bibs

Singing lots of silly songs

The line was blurred between right and wrong

{Mischief makers, weren’t we a pair}

tournaments of hide-and-seek

we played competitively, once a week

breathless giggles

helpless wiggles

[we both declared each other the winner]

Finger paint our little faces

You the clown, I the princess

Together we were questers

And in the end, both jesters

{We always made the other laugh}

races were run, everywhere

none of them, of course, were fair

and during shared meals, whispers exchange

from secrets to insults, they would range

[best of friends, were we]

But now everything is just weird

Our easy friendship has disappeared

No longer close, we’ve grown older

All feelings have gotten colder

{Our other friends tease and poke}

I don’t want to make it more

But please don’t try and make it less

I just want to

Just want to stay friends

Things would be much easier

If I were just your sister

Because then we could only

Only be friends

remember when we were younger

you’d gripe and groan about hunger

we’d make a supply

of fresh homemade mud pies

[our fingers and faces, always dirty]

You would call me on the phone

Even though I was across the road

“Come over to my yard to play”

“But it’s raining,” I would say

{“Exactly”}

feather-fly pillow fights

at every sleepover night

movie before bed

but you would always droop you head

[onto my shoulder, the popcorn all mine]

You would share with mee

Every white dandelion you’d see

So that we’d both get a wish

Blow the seeds with a swish

{I’d now wish for then}

but now everything is just weird

our easy friendship has disappeared

no longer close, we’ve grown older

all feelings have gotten colder

[our other friends tease and poke]

i don’t want to make it more

but please don’t try and make it less

i just wanna

Just wanna stay friends

things would be much easier

if you were just my sister

‘cause then we could only

only be friends

Stardust and sticks

Silly tricks

Don’t you remember, don’t you miss

Things from childhood bliss

[yes]

Critique is welcome :) 

sometimes i let my eyes slide out of focus

watch the world blur like it does when im not wearing my glasses

amazing how melted sand can do such a thing

i wonder what stardust and moonshine would do

if left to their own devices.

sometimes i sit at the top of the hill when night falls

the one with the clearing facing the sea

i watch the waves shimmer with nightshine

feel the wind tousle my hair like we've known each other forever

and let the tears fall

even though i know not from whence they came;

i will fall sleep in the chill of the mountain at dawnbreak.

then when the sun is high in the sky

i will return to sculpting water with river-smoothed stone

and braiding stems of wildflowers into crowns

for the generations of tomorrow. 

i'll reach out

scrape the sky with my fingertips

until there's stardust beneath my nails

then i will know

it is time to go