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Regular poetry thread
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Regular poetry thread
Regular poetry thread (because I'm tired of not editing my poems)
This is exactly what it sounds like! A thread to post poetry. I'm excited to read all of your work!
submitted by Bluebird
(April 30, 2017 - 8:51 pm)
(April 30, 2017 - 8:51 pm)
okay so this turned into a ramble instead of a poem but uh i need to get it out so here you go
you & ingrid & leather journals & happiness
so maybe you aren't perfect, but i love you anyways, right?
right?
yes- i tell myself i do, and i grab your hand in the arcade while our sisters run wild and the lights throb, but for a second i close my eyes and it's not your hand, it's hers and then i blink the lights come back and you're smiling at me, not her
the noise fades into waves, crashing upon my mental shores- i know one day the rust will eat away at my barriers and i'm going to spill everything, but for now-
"i'm going to wait by the car"
and now it's probably 6 months later or something (time is slippery, i can't catch it and then it's friday instead of tuesday and my head hurts) and i'm certain- you aren't perfect, and i don't love you.
i love her, the soft-edged smiling fantasy you who lives in my head and takes your place in my daydreams
but if i'm being real, she was you all along, just- better
i never really loved you, it was all her, the nameless faceless girl who'd wrap her arm around my waist and lean her head on my shoulder while we listened to music through shared earbuds, and so what if that never happened, it could and that's the point-
she's old computers and kisses in the rain and flower crowns and pride flags on bedroom doors and she's what could be and what will, she's clean and kind and funny and she's so much like me i don't have to worry about her word choice- she's got it all, okay? not like you
and i know! i know, you're my best friend, but did that ever mean anything? it's picking and choosing and highlighting someone in yellow, saying 'you are mine, you are the best and i'm devoting my soul to you' but if i didn't say that does that mean you're not my best friend?
i don't want to say it and i never will, but yes. it does, it does, i'm not devoting my soul to you, i'm giving it to her
sorry, expectations, i'm not going to grow up and be a famous author like 11-year-old me wished, beaming over a pile of books on my birthday, and oh, i was so stupid and hopeful and loud, and i smiled with every bit of me and i drew things that i thought were excellent although i could see they were trash-
i didn't care, i didn't care at all. i was young and foolish and then i was plunged into self-isolation and the dark thoughts crept in and over the course of a year, i became this
i don't know if she'll love me back, if i find her
i mean, that was her purpose, that was her core design- she was made to make me happy and love me like you couldn't, but that's a stupid, childish thought- she's not a machine, she's a person, somewhere out there, that i'll find someday- hopefully
or maybe i won't, and i'll keep living like this- a broken glass bottle that used to contain happiness, the pieces getting smashed together by the ocean of self-doubt & depression, waves of anxiety & obliviousness turning my edges soft until i can't feel anymore and i'm scooped up by the daylight and dropped into the monotonous thing that i call my life
depressing? yes, but still- i have no idea that she exists, and i kind of want to throw up because the thought of being lonely and lost forever makes me sick
so yesterday night i put a word to her blurry image and slapped post-it notes onto the wall, my uneven, jagged handwriting pinning down what i need to do to feel better, and
then i got distracted.
the real-leather journal that must have cost a ton of money was sitting unused on my shelf so i opened it the wrong way and started writing and then
i saw her in it, the comforting smile that i'd missed for a while and the feeling of belonging- i wrote until bedtime and then i wrote after i'd been told to stop, because i needed the feelings that came with tracing a dull pencil tip over the cotton-paper-pages
and look i'm getting off-track just like i did last night- my words turned from ambitions and dreams to how google's english to latin translator is messed up, and now my words turning from you and best friends and her to something blurry that i can't exactly read, maybe because it's 11:30 and i still haven't gotten out of bed and i feel like a train wreck, but
astronomy is playing on repeat and this is not what i should be doing with my life
but honestly who am i to care, i've already wasted my potential and my skills and so i might as well pursue a career in bad poetry and mixed-up feelings
it's what i'm good at anyways
if ingrid was real she'd tell me i'm better than this, but maybe i'm not, and maybe she shouldn't even exist, because if i get my hopes up they're just going to fall again
like everything does
--
hope you're feeling better than i am!! have a nice day <33
(July 27, 2021 - 1:38 pm)
dreamii darling this is incredible! You really have such a knack for taking the most obscure feelings and putting them into words in the most beautiful ways possible. This poem really hit home, particularly the ninth and tenth stanzas/paragraphs. "and so what if that never happened, it could and that's the point-" "she's old computers and kisses in the rain and flower crowns and pride flags on bedroom doors and she's what could be and what will" Those were I think my favorite lines, they just hit so deep and they're the feelings.
It's late and I don't know how coherently I expressed that, but I absolutely adore this poem and I hope you feel better. <3
(July 27, 2021 - 11:30 pm)
quill, thank you so much! i was feeling pretty terrible when i wrote that but i'm a bit better today- i woke up early and i have a schedule for today! i'm finally doing something with my life!
but oh my gosh you have no idea how much this means to me because quill your poetry is GORGEOUS. (and for some reason i didnt see your poetry dump- i'm just going to compliment you now)
the emotions. i'm only twelve but i felt like i was in your place, your age, doing what you were doing and feeling what you were feeling. the linebreaks, the word choices- all of it was incredible. and the last one- aAAHH i wanted to cry- you are such a master with emotions, turning them into beautiful stanzas that come together to create the most vivid picture!
(July 28, 2021 - 11:46 am)
Oh my Gosh dreamii.
Why it's legit all of this my life?
How is that even physically possible?
This it's amazing, dreamii. Thank you.
(August 2, 2021 - 12:31 pm)
ahh thank you so much <333 it makes me so happy to know that there's more people out there experiencing the same things i am and feeling the same way! i suppose that's probably not a good thing bc i don't feel very great right now but uh WE CAN STRUGGLE TOGETHER.
thank you again, wordsong. you don't know how happy this makes me.
(August 3, 2021 - 11:05 am)
I'm so glad I made you happy. <3 And I think I get it. It's comforting to know that you're not the only one going through something.
(August 4, 2021 - 2:22 pm)
THIS.
this is everything, this is my life, this is my thoughts, this is lying in bed at night listening to the crickets and wishing you could delude yourself longer, this is letting reality come crashing in on you and crush your dreams into sand, over and over and over and over and
over again.
(Please forgive my probably cheesy interpretations, but honestly i relate to this sO mUcH. Thank you for writing it, thank you for sharing it. *hugs* I'm glad you're feeling better, too.)
So I hope you don't mind that I wrote a not nearly as good response poem.
----
me, you, and ideas of a paradise
hello, i have a question
for you. i wonder if you could even answer it, if i ever got around
to asking you or if you'd just look at me-
poor, deluded, confused me
and tilt your head in that way you always do when i say something you don't understand.
or maybe you just don't want to, i don't know, i wish i did, but i can't see inside your brain, your thoughts, i don't live inside your mind.
but anyways, if i was brave enough and you were, i don't know, close enough to perfect that this could really even be a possibility, i would probably ask you
are your lips the ones that ghost mine, at night?
is it your arms around me when i lie in bed and try to cry, try to let it all out and fail
and sink further and further into an abyss of self hatred?
is it a phantom of your hands, fingertips, sweaty palms in mine when i need them the most
are you the person i think you are?
well i suppose that's more than just one question but we both know i've never been good at summarizing
and i've always had a flair for the dramatic,
(but we also both know that it's only when no one's watching that it comes out.)
there have been times where i thought i might love you, where i thought maybe all the times you called him my soulmate you were just trying
to hide the fact you thought i was yours
there have been times when i wished that was true, when i wished my life was a fairytale and you were a prince but then
wouldn't i be some helpless princess locked up in a tower for mistakes my father made?
so no. maybe i imagined it more like a story someone wrote, where we all knew what to say and the right time to say it.
the answer to my questions is probably no.
the person who could say yes to them in all honesty does not exist, how could they
when they're a shapeless idea of a person who's borrowed your face and your name until the next one comes along.
i suppose i'm sorry.
sorry for expecting you to be perfect, sorry for falling in love with an idea of you that could never be you, sorry for being such a hopeless romantic.
sorry for all that and more, but i hope you still know i will never forget who you actually are
i hope.
(August 2, 2021 - 11:00 pm)
lumi oh my gosh <333 i had no idea! it makes me very happy to see that you're struggling just like me but then again uh you're struggling and that makes me very sad.
and oh my gosh i love this poem so much it's so heartbreaking and wonderful and it's a lot more put-together than my ramble haha
(and don't say that, it's SO good! better, honestly!)
(August 5, 2021 - 2:37 pm)
reading this poem over and over and i can barely see it in the sunlight and i should be crying and i nearly am, but not quite and i know if i did i'd force myself to stop because somebody might see but who cares about somebody? i shouldn't but i do, and
writing on paper it's so much better than online, at least better then writing on phones in the sunlight, but i have no paper and ingrid is such a cool name, but my her has the same name as my you, because it's all the same person, i've just
twisted her all around in my head,
and people must be judging me, typing and wiping my eyes and wandering around my house and
my first therapy appointment
(or session or whatever you want to call it)
is tonight,
and aren't you excited? i should be, but also i should be listening to music right now and i'm not, and i should be smiling right now but i'm not, so no, i'm not excited, just scared, even though i'm the one who asked for them in the first place.
a man just walked by with his dogs, and i had to fake a smile, because i should have thought those dogs were adorable, but all i could think was
hopefully he can't tell i've been crying.
but do i want this to end? this depression-type-thing? i don't think so, because i kind of hate myself right now but i like this poem, and if i'm not depressed will i be able to write well anymore?
and this is too long to just be a reply poem and it's not really but it It's enough that i have to post it as one, and i'm no good at endings so i'll just leave at this, i guess.
(August 5, 2021 - 2:30 pm)
oh my gosh. wordsong. asdghjkl.
this is like a waterfall of emotions pouring directly into my soul because AHhhH i get you so much. i'm pretty sure i have moderate depression and severe anxiety and i wish i was brave enough to get a therapist or at least tell my family how i'm struggling but i can't because i'm terrified of what they'll say and oh my gosh.
i feel you, i feel you, i feel you. this is just. ahh. my goodness. i love it and i've read it like five times because it's so raw and tumbling and *hugs you which is kind of weird bc i dont think we've interacted before this struggling poetry thing* i am in your corner, ready if you need to vent. i am here.
(also thank you ingrid is a name i stumbled upon and i fell in love with it so it made sense to use it for, well, the person i loved)
(August 6, 2021 - 11:45 am)
I'm not sure if it's necessary to reply to your reply to my reply, but I wanted to thank you because you complimented me and that made my day because I love your poetry and you're really cool and no, I don't think we've interacted before now but I've seen you around and anyways hugging is cool.
*hugs back*
(August 7, 2021 - 3:40 pm)
Ahhh wordsong- *hugs*
This is beautiful. It's, I don't know, so... human? How our thoughts mix together and jumble and stress and climb up a mountain you formed out of worries and then solidify, making the mountain just a tiny bit bigger (perhaps it was a mole hill, once, but you're not just benign dramatic, are you).
I really hope that your therapy session appointment thing went well. I think you're really brave for asking for it and for going through with it, coming from someone who is basically scared of talking to anyone I don't know.
Also, you absolutely will be able to write this well. Your depression doesn't define you, just so you know. You're so much more than that, a real person in a real world with real thoughts and real words. Even if your poetry becomes different than it is now, that doesn't make it bad. That, if anything, makes it better.
I saw your other poem, about wondering what people think about your poetry. I think it's beautiful, not just that one but all the stuff you write. I don't usually take the time to write anything (unless I'm judging a poetry contest, in which case, yes, I compliment everything, hah) in response and I'm sorry for that (because you deserve to know what I think!)
But I want you to know that your words are beautiful and worth saying and I will literally always be happy to read it and give feedback, if you ever wanna @ me. And even if I don't give feedback, I definitely read it and probably enjoyed it. :)
(August 6, 2021 - 4:55 pm)
That first (or second if you want to be *technical*) paragraph is legit a poem in and of itself.
It went . . . alright. It wasn't too awful, but at the same time it was too awful. I'm used to hiding, and there was my therapist, asking big, personal questions that I did't fully know how to answer, and saying she's so excited to work with me and help me and . . . it was a bit overwhelming, but I don't think I regret it?
Thank you for saying that, I think I needed to hear it.
Again, thank you <3. That means a lot.
(August 7, 2021 - 3:49 pm)
I'm not very confident about this one... While I'm proud of the idea I just don't like how it turned out. Maybe I'll redo it later, but for now, this is a poem I wrote, it's about synesthesia.
Rainbow
9:00,
Purple-blue
Fills my mind
As I read my clock
My alarm goes off
A minute late,
Perfectly imperfect,
As I wish I could be
I’ve set it to play
A pop song I secretly hate
‘Cause I need someone to sit with at lunch
10:00,
Cotton candy colors
In the air
They scream to me “it’s not okay”
Science class is boring
But there’s another hour
‘Till it all turns
Emerald green
“11!”
Shrieks my broken watch
And look, it’s actually right
(At least I think)
One more class until—
My stomach growls
But I can push through english
12:00,
A weirdly light black
I look for the table
Where the cool girls are
Listening again
To the stupid song
I grimace when they’re not looking
(But they never really are, anyway,
At least, not at me)
12:30,
The prettiest blue
Same as the sky
As I run through recess
And tell myself,
“My life could be
As perfect as the air”
I try to ignore the clouds
1:00,
As yellow
As the microwaved popcorn
I’ve always liked
Better than the fancier kinds
Numbers
Jumble up my brain,
I finish the pop quiz
Prepared for an F
2:00,
Cherry red,
I sit alone on the bus
It hits a speed bump,
And I fly through the air
But I barely notice,
With my nose stuck in a book
3:00.
No color here,
I grab a cookie,
Finish my science homework
Then I sit down and watch TV
Tomorrow,
I’ll live it all again,
So will my classmates
It’s all the same for them,
But they don’t know
That secretly
My life is a rainbow
(July 28, 2021 - 8:39 am)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah
This is awesome! I never thought of it that way before.
I found your colors very interesting too, as mine are almost completely different:
9:00 - hot bubblegum pink
10:00 - light blue
11:00 - much paler blue, almost colorless
12:00 - primary red
12:30 - red-orange
1:00 - light black ~ it's a thing :o
2:00 - cherry red! ~ we have one in common!
3:00 - yellow
I forget about my synesthesia sometimes, just because it's so ingrained in my brain. I see/know that 2:00 is red, but I don't think "oh, wow, 2:00 is RED". It's just normal to me, and weird that nobody else understands the fact.
Thank you for the beautiful reminder that every day is a rainbow! I needed that :)
(August 13, 2021 - 10:59 am)