Hi Jaybells,

I wanted to say that I've been reading your poetry and it's really good! I love how your kind of keeping this thread running. :)

He wonders what happened.

He used to tremble just hearing a sword drawn,

Get woozy at the first sight or scent of blood.

Things are different now.

He wonders if he should worry,

Perhaps he's lost his humanity now.

But unflinching certainty in his actions,

No matter how horrifying,

Has been burned into him over the years

Whether he wanted it or not.

He hates them,

The ones who stand behind him,

But they're what kept him alive this long.

No need to let this hollow confidence waver;

So he embraces what he knows 

And keeps slaying. 

Who knew

Offering a hand

Could mean so much?

It sounds cliche,

And perhaps, no certainly, it is.

But so much an rest on a simple compliment,

There's so much light a bright smile can bring, 

And yet the one who'll never know

Is the one who gave it. 

So... Don't stop smiling?

Just who on Earth 

Decided clouds

Were a good idea? 

Who had the bright idea

To blemish perfect blue skies

With puffs of dirty water, destined to fall

Who on Earth,

Or perhaps that's not the right question?

Who in the Universe chose this cheap decor? 

Water is a scary thing. 

Silly, isn't it?

But tell me you haven't

Feared drowning

At least once in you life.

The thing is,

What scares me most is 

When you can't

See down to the bottom.

What horrors

Could lurk deep below he waves?

What depths

Do spirits haunt just below your feet?

But perhaps 

The most fearsome thing is when

You can see

But for some reason it doesn't stop you from worrying.

this feels a little incomplete but here it is anyway, unproofread and unedited XD

--- 

the words seem to roll off your tongue so easy

and you always manage to say them like they mean the world.

even if you say them like you can throw them 'round casually and it doesn't matter.

sometimes you don't even dignify them with words, just your signature quick

l-y-s-m accompanied by a heart or kiss when we've finished texting

you say them like you would never worry i'd take them the wrong way.

it's funny because they're so hard for me to say out loud, even though

we've spent so much time together over the years that

i always got called your name and you got called mine despite the many ways we look

nothing alike. but anyways

i admire your ability to say those three words like they're nothing but at the same time

they mean everything. they always mean something to me-

a tribute to your innocence and naivety but also

a mark of your strength. you're small but powerful, and

loving comes so easy to you sometimes i envy it.

and i think part of me still doesn't process it, every time you hug me

every time you say those words, i think i don't really hear them, i just

feel your arms around me and hear you make the sounds but do they have any meaning

if they do it's not something i comprehend.

but i'm thankful for them anyways because you're why i try. why i try not to hurt you

because you love me, and maybe i do comprehend that, just a tiny bit-

why i try to mean it every time i type out love you too-

and don't get me wrong, i do love you but do white words in a blue bubble really 

mean anything, much? and if i can't even force them out of my mouth

in a way that the whole world could hear, does it mean anything, 

white words in a blue cloud on an even whiter sky? 

wrote this after a late-night mental breakdown 

--

moon

we're only outside for half a second and then you tell me to go get my shoes- a knot of worry is growing inside me but i obey, battered boots on and then

the moon is above everything and the clouds are faint bruises against the faded cobalt sky, the few stars like flecks of luminescent white paint shining down on us

i grab your hands unconsciously and you're so close too close no-

my fingertips stained black like my hair (who thought it'd be a good idea to get out the hair chalk?) and yours are purple, the two colors mixing until our entwined hands are galaxies, stars bursting out of our skin and everything glowing in the light of the moon

the moon-

you're twirling under it, my hands still in yours and your eyes are twinkling grey-blue-white, and they're so close so close and-

our star-strewn hearts are beating to the same rythm and the emotions inside me are birds, whirling through my internal sky, and

i want to leave this isn't right i should feel happy-

ive dreamt of this moment so many times and now your face is so close so close-

"wait, we shouldn't be in the road- what if a car came and hit us?"

i turn my head so i cant see your face cause i'm sure your expression would make me cry

that was the right decision that was the right decision

(but something inside me says no, it wasnt, i should've stayed and floated up into the galaxy with you by my side) 

your eyes are jagged glass and broken planets but then they're fine again- smoothed over like a magic trick, and i don't let myself think i just run

go go go inside inside inside fake smile happy voice put on a lie and forget the moon

forget it

forget it

forget you 

How can a person be so blind?

How can one do so much for a broken world

And yet still feel inadequate,

Like they've left behind more scars than artworks?

Like they've hurt so many more than they've helped?

Like they've still never done enough, and that they'll never be enough?

Why do doubts linger and prey upon us

Even after comforting words have come and gone,

While fleeting praise and others' assurance

Quickly fades to dust and distant memories? 

Is this simply what it means to be human?

A broken scale, always heavier on one side,

Destined for more damage than you really deserve?

Maybe. But then again, how would I know. 

Amber eyes

Filled with honey

And pollen

And affection

And

Probably magic too.

Those eyes

That looked upon me

With such sadness.

Both our pasts were drenched in sorrow.

And our paths forwards would be the same.

But still, I was drawn to your golden pupils

And that burning drive to get what you wanted.

Like flooded rice fields, our situation seemed hopeless

But, like those brave, toughened stalks we grew up and out

Of our situations, alone, yet bound together

By what some might call "fate."

I don't believe in fate.

Or luck.

Or magic. 

But there was something magical

about you.

When you looked at me,

Those amber eyes cold and angry;

Hating the world

That had left you to die

Maybe I felt something like a kindred spirit,

Maybe I wanted to soften your broken seaglass-edges,

Or claim the sun down from the sky and tell it to sleep, 

That it could finally rest because had found home.

But not yet.

I was still just as broken. 

Just as full of hate and longing

Worse off, but even stronger because of it.

At least you once had something.

Something you lost forever and would hate the world for.

I started off with nothing.

But somehow, I managed to pull both of us to the surface. 

Those amber eyes

Long after thanked me for it.

Warm and joyful and everything I live for

All of it was in those eyes.

All our memories together, persevering

Becoming stronger and happier and a better team;

The warm brightness of the sun and golden days,

The tender sea, depths a myriad of tumbling emotions.

To me, you were rare, just like your eyes;

A diamond in the rough, despite appearances;

They told me your darkest secrets and fears,

Their expressiveness told me everything about you.

They say that the eyes are a window to the soul.

Now I believe it.

Because of

Your amber eyes filled with honey,

With pollen drifting through,

Dripping with affection

And probably 

Magic too. 

You used to say my eyes were like the sky.

A night sky filled with stars and beauty and awe.

The one we would look up to so often, together, 

Sparkling and mysterious and full of wonder.

We were up there too,

I the moon, and you, my Jupiter.

Always close by, always together, always alive

Because of the other. 

~~~~~

Bonus that I'm not sure I want to include? :D :

"Fingers brush over a weathered grey coverstone. 

I'm not that old; still young according to the world.

But I feel time grate on us both. 

I miss you and your amber eyes."

I'm not crying you are. :(