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FICTIONAL PROBLEMS!!!! I
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FICTIONAL PROBLEMS!!!! I
FICTIONAL PROBLEMS!!!! I read some of our posts of this in this months magazine and thought, "Hey, that was fun, what happened to that thread?" So I'm making a new one. If you don't know how it works I'll explain. Someone posts a fake problem like, Help I have to defeat a cyclops and all I have is a large tureen of mushroom soup! And the next person posts a resoloution like, Toss the soup into his one eye to blind him, Then the person can post their own problem and other people will answer it.
Here's the first one, There is a large robot guarding the doorway to the room where someone will blow up the world, all I have to defeat the robot is a large bag of cotton candy and a small bag of marshmallows. What do I do?
submitted by Forrest
(March 6, 2015 - 7:50 am)
(March 6, 2015 - 7:50 am)
TOP!
(August 12, 2015 - 3:03 pm)
Light the LEGO on fire, and then in the fictional-ness of it all, the heat will make it like a rocket, zooming up through the atmosphere. It will be seen by the Hon and Chewy on the Milineum Falcon. They will wonder where it came from, land, see you, and save you!
(Don't even say anything about the inaccuracy.)
So I'm stuck in a spaceship. I got stuck in while the astronauts were boarding and they started the ignition without knowing I was in there. All I have is a plush walrus, a lucky shamrock key chain, and a clay sculpture of a cat.
(September 14, 2015 - 7:27 pm)
Most spaceships have at least one escape pod. Stick your lucky shamrock into the access card slot; hopefully the escape pod will then open, and you can enter, close the pod, and launch it from the inside. Activate the distress beacon. An incoming ship will be by within a few hours and pick you up. The only downside to this plan is that the astronauts from the original ship will be mad at you for stealing the escape pod and probably setting off a lot of annoying alarms.
Would somebody please help me out here?! I got stuck in that halfway place between dreams and the real world when I tried to wake up this morning! All I have is a bunch of bananas, a partially corporeal Captcha friend, a pencil and paper for writing to the CB, and a single white cotton sock! The laws of physics are spotty at best, the laws of nature even more so, and there's this constant beeping noise which I think is my alarm clock. How am I supposed to wake up all the way?
(September 15, 2015 - 6:50 am)
Bribe your Captcha with the banannas to ride on the paper and pencil airplane you folded, then launch it into the real world with the sock. There it will turn off your alarm clock which will make make you wake up.
Help! l'm in a submarine with a hooded figure that doesn't mean any good and l've got to escape. All l have is a can of mushrooms, some old carrots, and a white mouse.
(September 19, 2015 - 12:40 pm)
Q
Here's the first one, There is a large robot guarding the doorway to the room where someone will blow up the world, all I have to defeat the robot is a large bag of cotton candy and a small bag of marshmallows. What do I do?
A
Answer One (slightly practical)
First you blindfold the robot with the bag the marshmallows come in, so he can't see and attack you. Then you stuff the cotton candy in the hole where his death lasers come out. then you just start ripping wires out.
Answer Two (simply outrageous)
First, throw marshmallows at the robot.
Since we all have an inner unicorn, summon your inner unicorn. And since all unicorns have very solid horns and they will eat cotton candy at any cost, throw the cotton candy onto the robot. It will stick. The unicorn will charge and eat the robot, since its covered in cotton candy.
(September 15, 2015 - 4:39 pm)
Question: Help! l'm in a submarine with a hooded figure that doesn't mean any good and l've got to escape. All l have is a can of mushrooms, some old carrots, and a white mouse.
Answer: Feed the mouse the the mushrooms. Because of improbability, it will develop superpowers. Then, explain your plan to the mouse. If it consents (and hopefully it does), have it use its superpowers to make the carrot grow to a decent size (big enough for you. Use the empty can and get the mouse to help you carve out the carrot. Push the hollow carrot out the submarine's porthole and it will float you and your mouse to the surface!
P.S. Pack a few carrots for snacks for your escape and leave the rest to rot in the submarine in an inconspicuous place. They will stink.
P.P.S. Carve the carrots you leave behind into insulting messages or forgiveness to the hooded figure!
New question: Hm. I appear to have accidentally Apparated even though I'm a muggle without a wand. Now I'm stuck on a roller coaster car at an amusement park at night holding a shopping bag with some post-its, a whistle, a mug, some holiday lights (multi-colored), and three ping-pong balls. I'm the only one on this roller coaster, but I'm stuck in my seat with some disgusting old gum that if I touch, I may be contaminated. However, I've got to get off when it stops!
(September 19, 2015 - 7:15 pm)
In reply to being stuck on a rollercoaster:
I suggest using the post-its to pry the gum off of the seat. You may then drop the wrapped up gum in the mug to avoid holding to. Now, somehow attach the pingpong balls to the holiday lights for weight (try tying them on, or even *shudders* sticking them wih the gum). Then basically all you have to do is lasso the lights around a post or something. The car will hopefull stop and you can climb out safely and exit. Just a warning, depending where you stop you may need to create a parachut from your shopping bag. As for the whistle, I dont really know. I would avoid using it as someone would hear you and you might be saved from the rollercoaster,, but you would be in trouble for trespassing after hours.
HELP! I'm being held in a dungeon by an angry sorceror who thinks I've stolen something from him! All I've got to try and escape are: a tiny dark brown mole, a piece of soggy bread in a bowl, three linked loops of chain, and dungeon dust. Please hurry! I've got to get out of here before he figures out what to do with me!!
(September 19, 2015 - 10:53 pm)
Push the holiday lights underneath you to get unstuck.
If that doesn't work, blow the whistle to get whoever is running the roller coaster to notice and help you.
HELP!!!!! I am tied to the top of a tree by some evil wraiths! The tree is 30 feet tall, and if I jump, I will die. Now the wraiths are setting the bottom of the tree on fire! I must act fast if I hope to escape! All I have is 5 frozen meatballs, a plastic fork, and a bow with no arrow.
(September 20, 2015 - 6:50 am)
Rub the plastic fork across the string of the bow. This will create a small and slightly strange sound. However, wraiths have acute hearing and enjoy these types of sounds, and will likely pause in their attempts to injure you. To further their good feelings, offer them the frozen meatballs as a peace offering. They'll likely let you go. And if all else fails, use the fork as an arrow.
Oh no...Stitch from Lilo and Stitch has turned evil for the third or so time and is eating my shoes while they're on my feet. I can use the phone to call for help except it is too high up to reach and all I have is a curtain rod that doesn't reach the phone, a video cassette tape, and some glow-in-the- dark Halloween fangs.
Fflewddur says razz. Razzberry is a toothpaste flavor, Fflewddur. Your point is?
(September 20, 2015 - 5:50 pm)
Smack Stitch on the head with the curtain rod, play the tape, (hopefully its Elvis), and put in the fangs to scare him away. EASY!
I've been sucked through my mom's computer into a game of Spectrum! (Go fing Game-ish Idea if you need to) and the murderer is on the loose! I can't take part in the game since I'm from the real world, and I only have my 200 blade pocket knife! did I mention that the murderer is after me now! HELP!!!!!
Choppie says pyvt.
Pivit?
(September 21, 2015 - 4:21 pm)
Depends on how good you are at the game!
Sorry I couldn't help more, I have my own problems! I'm at the top of a roller coaster in the only car. The track drops, and then it disappears so the car smashes. The car is stopped, but it will start again in 10 minutes. All I have is a pack of frozen sausages, a dull knife, and a fishing pole. HELP!
(September 23, 2015 - 11:21 am)
Use the fishing line from the pole to climb down!
So, big problem, I somehow managed to get stuck on a flying ship, and they are anaware that I am here. I'm stuck in a locked cellar, with only a dash of cinimmon, an empty root beer bottle, and a nail file.
Help...please?
(September 27, 2015 - 2:19 pm)
File away at the bottle, and mix half of it with half of the cinnamon, and you should get a fine fire powder. Use it to melt the lock, and make a mad dash for the mast of the ship. Start climbing, and throw the other half of the fire powder at any pursuers. Then, cut the mast with the file, and glide off the ship. Tie the cloth to the file, and use the makeshift parashute to float safely to the ground.
But it looks like I'm in trouble too! I'm in a basketball court full of angry and tall aliens with laser pistols! All I have is a toothpick, some deoderant, and some nice shoes! WHAT DO I DO?!?!
(October 4, 2015 - 1:20 pm)
Arrange the deodorant and nice shoes on the nearby bleachers, and say in an announcer voice: "Have you ever been playing basketball and said to yourself, 'If only I had some nice shoes, I'm sure I'd jump higher,'? Well, don't worry yourself a moment longer! These versatile shoes have been proved to greatly increase jump lenghth! And if you buy now, this celebrity-endorsed deodorant with be thrown in free of charge! That's right folks, free of charge!"
The aliens can't resist a deal (though none of them actually play basketball) so they'll begin to vie over the shoes. Meanwhile, you rush out the door and pick your teeth, because you've had an irritating bit of broccoli stuck in them all day.
(October 10, 2015 - 8:07 am)
Well, this thread is awesome and so it doesn't die, I would like to tell you about my own awful circumstance, maybe you can help...
Ahhhh! I'm being forced to eat a poison pillow by the immortal dogs of Blahagjalbafdga and all I have to save myself is a pencil, a photo of a puppy, and a Monopoly board! HELP ME!
(October 17, 2015 - 2:11 pm)