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FICTIONAL PROBLEMS!!!! I
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FICTIONAL PROBLEMS!!!! I
FICTIONAL PROBLEMS!!!! I read some of our posts of this in this months magazine and thought, "Hey, that was fun, what happened to that thread?" So I'm making a new one. If you don't know how it works I'll explain. Someone posts a fake problem like, Help I have to defeat a cyclops and all I have is a large tureen of mushroom soup! And the next person posts a resoloution like, Toss the soup into his one eye to blind him, Then the person can post their own problem and other people will answer it.
Here's the first one, There is a large robot guarding the doorway to the room where someone will blow up the world, all I have to defeat the robot is a large bag of cotton candy and a small bag of marshmallows. What do I do?
submitted by Forrest
(March 6, 2015 - 7:50 am)
(March 6, 2015 - 7:50 am)
Okay, here's mine:
I'm trapped in an underwater cavern deeep under the sea. I need to get out. Right now I have a bubble of air, but as soon as I get out of enemy territory it'll pop. I have a stick, bottle of water, and fishing rod.
(March 29, 2015 - 5:37 pm)
Swim. Just before you get out of enemy territory, put your bottle into your bubble, pour out the water, fill it with air, and use that as your breathing apparatus from then!
I have been kidnapped by vicious purple rainbow unicorns, pink living flowers, and teddy bears. They are evil and vicious and I need to get to the hovercraft pickup zone one mile away. Unfortunately I'm in a cage that is specially indesructible and magic-proof and all my magic is tele and electro Kinesis anyway. All I have is a package of peppered salami (mmm), a jar of brined grape leaves (yes that is a thing), and a can of salmon roe. Salmon roe means salmon eggs, i.e. fish eggs. You probably are thinking "Urgh! Disgusting!" But actually roe is delicious. Salmon roe is orange and has a thin membrane which when you burst exposes the delicious salty... I can't even describe it inside. I like it, okay? But that's beside the point. The point is, HEEEELLPPPP MEEEEEEEEE!!!! Also, why do I always end up with food?
(March 29, 2015 - 8:21 pm)
Throw your brined grape leaves and salmon roe at the unicorns, flowers, and teddy bears. They will find them disgusting and recoil in horror, thus being distracted. Then slap the sides of the cage with salami, for salami is the one thing which the cage can be destroyed with. Once you've escaped the cage, unwrap and eat the salami as you run to the hovercraft pickup base.
Yikes! I'm a pirate captain surrounded by my mutinous crew. I have a 500 piece puzzle that's missing 23 pieces, a parrot named Algernon, a book called Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Soy Sauce; a Pirate's Guide to Stir-Fry, and a friendship bracelet kit. What do I do; my crew is drawing their knives!
(March 30, 2015 - 10:46 am)
All you need is the friendship bracelet kit. Make a frendship bracelet and give it to one of them. They will all want one, so they will put their knives away and when you make them all friendship bracelets, throw them into the air, then jump off the ship and SWIM!!
I am surrounded by dinosaurs. I have to get past them to my friendly whale which will give me a ride home. However, they want to eat me! And all I have is a marshmallow and a non-helium balloon. HEEEEEEEELLLPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
(March 30, 2015 - 8:19 pm)
I was browsing through and couldn't help but notice your predicament. I suggest you throw the marshmallow and the balloon into the air. The dinosaurs will then be distracted and you can escape.
I, Shifting Sands the Returned of the Continuity, am myself in a spot of trouble. I'm trapped in a soundproof, ghostproof, summoningproof, telepathyproof room with only a non-corporeal tube of frosting and a corporeal carton of almond milk, which I can't pick up or move anyway because of corporeality problems.
Volcano: Wow, good luck getting out of that.
Shifting: Who are you?
Volcano: I'm Somebody's new alter ego, Agents replacement. I have pyro and terrakinesis. Also I am a computer nerd.
Shifting: Great, another goody-goody alter ego.
Volcano: Uh-uh. I already rebelled. I WANNA BE THE TECHIE!
Shifting: Sure.
(April 4, 2015 - 12:12 pm)
Yeah, you're totally stuck.
I'm trapped in a hole full of tarantulas with just an arachnophobic chameleon, a pile of Peeps marshmallow lizards, and a cricket the size of a cow.
(April 5, 2015 - 3:12 pm)
Soulution 1: Pop the balloon. It will frighten them away. [Hopefully.]
Soulution 2: Throw the marshmallow down the throat of the nearest one to the whale. The others will be frightened. [Hopefully.]
Soulution 3: Jump on the back of the nearest Stegosaurus. It will take you to your whale. [Hopefully.]
Soulution 4: Run. They will not chase you. [Hopefully.]
Soulution 5: Don't take my advice. [Hopefully you listen to this one.]
Also, I am running from a giant giant who wants to eat me. I have a stuffed wild boar and a cake slice.
(April 12, 2015 - 12:52 pm)
Oh, um so to save your life, I think you should throw the cake at the giant. He is hungry an will eat the cake and leave you alone. Also, if it gives you pleasure, you may call me Enchilada Unicorn.
(April 29, 2015 - 7:02 pm)
The best one I can come up with is let the chameleon get scared and camoflauge into the hole. Feed the cricket the peeps to get it on a sugar rush, then let it jump out of the hole.
Let me think about my situation...
I am on a breaking rope bridge above a pit of lava. A giant rhinoceros is on the bridge, making it break faster. All I have with me is an old rope and a bottle of superglue that won't stick to anything.
(April 5, 2015 - 7:21 pm)
Make a lasso with the rope and throw it onto the sign post that will conveniently be located right at the end of the bridge. Then jump and swing to safety! A happy Pikachu to cuddle with, a pot of nice hot tea and a slice of cake will be waiting for you there.
P.S. The cake is a lie. But the Pikachu and tea aren't. I swear.
Um. I have with me a Pikachu, a pot of nice hot tea and a slice of cake and I'm in a cave. Actually that isn't much of a problem, I'm just gonna--
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!
James: To unite all peoples within our nation!
Both: To denounce the evils of truth and love, to extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie: Jessie!
James: James!
Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meowth: Meowth! That's right!
Okaaay, now it may be a problem.
*Team Rocket walks into cave*
*suddenly avalanche buries only way in/out*
Okay, from the top. I have Pikachu, a prof of nice hot tea, a slice of cake, a Meowth, an uncooperative Weezing, an uncooperative Arbok and two very vain and annoying Team Rocketeers, and we're trapped in a cave. WHADDOIDO?!?!
(April 6, 2015 - 12:41 am)
Easy.
Dump the tea over the ice, which you're trapped in the cave by, and then run away, call a cab, and ditch the other people that were stuck with you. Then, eat your cake in peace, and listen to "Blank Space."
I'm stuck with an angry Englishman in an elevator who is trying to eat my toe, and all I have is what used to be a popcicle, my house key, a toothbrush, a battery, and a rotten apple. Help Me!!!!!!!!!!!!
(April 6, 2015 - 7:21 pm)
Kill him with the house key then use it to unstick the door. Or just yell, "HEY! ANY PIKACHUS OUT THERE?!" That works too. Also, what's Blank Space?
Shftng: I think it's a song by a woman named Taylor Swift. And Taylor Swift is I think a songwriter. I'm not sure. Maybe you should substitute Pika Girl.
Somebody: Yeah... probably.
I'm in an indestructible room with a locked door, a Pikachu, a helium balloon, a bowl of mush and a spider plant. Help me escape!
(April 6, 2015 - 11:53 pm)
Pour the mush into the lock of the door to make it slippery . Then uproot the spider plant and use it to pick-lock the slippery lock.
I'm lost in a dark forest pursued by the Kings guards . If they catch me they will throw me into the dungeon. I have to find my way out and I only have a thermometer, a kitchen knife, a glowing painting, and a book.
(April 11, 2015 - 7:22 pm)
Use the knife or your hands to tear out the map of the forest that will conveniently be located within the book. Use the painting to light your way, and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
I have even larger problems, though. I am supposed to defeat a dragon with a gallon of lemonade, some spare plastic, a tool kit, and a guide on how to build various pool toys! Be quick! I must do it hastily!
(April 12, 2015 - 8:11 pm)
Build the pools toys out of the plastic and offer them to the dragon. While he is distracted, empty out the lemonade, put all of the tools in it, and drop it on the soft part of his head. Boom.
Help! The anti-pie police are after me and all I have is my pie bag and a potato!
(April 13, 2015 - 8:08 am)