AHAHAHA these made me laugh so hard, thank you Rainbow! I can't remember many off the top of my head, but here's one:

"it's probably the baguette coming back to haunt you." 

"✨believe✨in✨the✨sparkles✨you✨muggle✨" - C

"a wise man once said, 'a picture is worth a million words,' but all i'm seeing here are some dots, a line, and two long curvy dots" - N

"OI M8 IM FROM AUSTRALIA" - D

"opioids or not we have the queen and tea" - D

"*bald eagle noises*" - Ml

"aussies are british cowboys" - Ml

"remember our lives before 2006? they were great" - N (for context, this was in our class's group chat and we were all born after 2006)

"i mean if you're going to be a shadow monster ..." - my ELA teacher

"yogurt~" Ml

"duolingo fears me" - M

"A you get to herd cats today" - my student government teacher

"i eat emails for lunch" - my science teacher

"if you were a pokemon, what would your fatal flaw be?" - Md
"my deep seated need for attention" - L
"what" - Md
"what" - L

"BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS" - C (for context this was about speech and debate class)

"it's kind of creepy to teach looming dark orbs" - my ELA teacher 

@Rainbow Riot these are soo funny. Here are some: 

"Geometry is like death but more stressful"

"I will send a rabid moose after you" (My canadian friend said that lol)

"IF YOU COOK BEN MY ATTACK GOOSE I WILL SEND JACOB THE BEAVER" (Said by my other canadian friend)

"why not hang the body up on the roof as a forewarning to any who dare cross us" (PLS don't ask)

"it is raviolli approved" 

Also, Jily death day is NOT something to be happy about *internal crying* 

It's back!! I have a bunch of good ones saved

--

"Welcome to apathy alley, where nobody cares."

"Picture day isn't a privelege, it's a right, like kidney function" 

"When you see the foo, that's when you'll know that the Foo Fighters are gone" 

"Quantity liver quality"

My teacher, on Zoom: "Thank you for your patience and indulgence while I fight with my computer, and you know when I do that, the computer always wins" 

"Only classy people cry rose hip oil."

"The shoulder grinding started around midnight...." 

"We're sneeping"

"Just casually go to Canada"

*snotty tone of voice* "I don't dig holes" 

"Bruises are more sporty than carpenters."

"S just calmly pulling out all her hair"

"Hipsters are hotter than glue"

"Hair dye would not be my preferred method of death--"

"It's probably punishable by death to sneeze on the queen"

"When I called him a disgusting grub it was meant in kindness"

"I don't know what kind of soap you've been eating...dude, who's your soap dealer? R? Oh wow you'll be knocked out until next week"

"Let's make plates and forks and knives out of bricks!!" "Brick clothes"

"P, (a guy) how long will you keep growing your hair?" "Uh, until it looks stupid." "E, (also a guy) how long will you keep growing your hair?" "Um. Yes" 

"The six primary colors are blue, yellow, zero, and egg"

"Ah yes the holy god of ketchup"

"Threaten your fellow students, not the teacher."

"WALTER EXTRACT?? Who's Walter??? ...and what have you done to him??"

"According to J I fluently speak RoMANIAN"

"I won't larp, you can't make me larp"

"WIZARD, GIVE ME A HAT" -M 

I have more but not off the top of my head rn. I might add more another time.

aaa Deku says  heaep. My book is call Septimus Heap, so I guess I'll go read it now.

I have a friend who says a lot of strange things, so many that I do not remember any of them. Umm here is a different friend:

L: I just realized that Appa has seen more adventures than Toph. (ATLA characters)

Me: Yeah. Toph is blind.

(This conversation turned into L ranting about communism) 

Another conversation with the same freind:

Me: What's the difference between a jail and a prison?

L: A jail is where someone is held before they go to trial and a prison is where people who have been punished with being locked up go after being deemed guilty.

Me: What would it be if I shoved you in a closet for disrespecting Queen Smokey? 

L: A prison because I would have already been deemed guilty.

Me: Thank you for helping me name one of my closets. 

Sorry those probably weren't that funny, I'll try to record some of the things that the friend I mentioned before has said. 

Where is the CAPTCHA image? Saffron??? Oh wait I reloaded there she is. 

Saffron says "ahexx" . . . a hex? 

I have 2 more...

Me: shouldn't we stop playing Among Us soon?

Everyone else: NO!! 

My dad, to me: you need to get rid of some of those pencils!

My mom: You need to get rid of some of that bossiness!

This is all in joking, of course. 

Here are all the ones I can think of off the top of my head: 

"We got harassed by little kids last night." - T (this was my friend's friend who I was hanging out with once)

"Slow... and corrupt."  - A 

"I finally understand that he died on a cliff and not falling off a cliff." - MG

"Call me Peaches." - T

"Everybody go throw tomatoes at *friend's real name*!" - I

"It gave me a life and a family. Oops, I meant a more fun life and more family." - K  (talking about dance class)

"The giant three-headed dog's name is AD, and she lives in the old shack." - I

I know there are more and if I think of them I'll post them later.  

Thank Claaws this beautifull thread is back!

~Me, to my brother: I diagnose you with Cookie Deficiency 

My brother: *grabs a cookie* I'm curing it

~My brother: It's funny how (Luna) is all innocent one second and the next she's like "that person is a (censored) (censored) who's (censored)" 

Me: No, I only use a maximum of two (consored)s per sentence

~"Well gee golly darn"

~"I'm either dying or turning into a lizard (or both)"

~"The Three Quarantined Pigs"

~"He's like an empty waffle square."

~"Will you feel bad for my life?"

~"Texas-y"

~"For the baugettes!"

~"I'm gonna go commit die." 

~Classmate 1: we should have a 7-day weekend

Classmate 2: that was called quarantine.

~"Don't insult my bean water."

~"Don't you love it when your brother tells you, 'We're gonna break the law'?"

~"What it your favorite shape?" "Stick"

~"I love it when you act childish, because it happens like once a year." 

~"I don't want a paper boat, Michelle"

~"Meow"

~"toaster biscuit"

~"Because I'm stupid and I wanna win." (My brother offered me real money so he could win Monopoly. I accpeted.)

~"negative zero"

~"pickle chicken"

~"It smells like (insert something) and poor choices." 

And this was the day we found out we would be going to remote learning:

~"I'm a hole in the ground"

~*holds piece of bread "This is my child"

~"HANG HIM BY HIS FEET!!" (Don't worry, this was a stuffed animal)

~"So... did that orange bounce off the light, on my shoulder, and into your bucket?" (Yes. Yes it did)

~"How has no-one pantsed (annoying classmate) yet?"

~"Hey Gavin your art project looks like that dog meme format"

~"Come at me girl"

~"So the theme of today is that we threw an orange around the classroom"

~Logan: I saw three helicoptors today

Me: Oh no... have they discovered you?

Logan: not yet