sorry for the wait (and the whole thing on Confessions). and sorry how long this is admins. i ended up typing a lot more at the end than i initially had

It is on one hand bad that you have to pay a subscription to watch good ballet, but that’s not an issue with the ballet companies but with the world at large. Producing a ballet of that quality costs A LOT. Even the recording alone is really expensive i’m assuming because it has to be really good quality. 

I probably would brush my teeth more but i usually can’t do it unless i get my mom and it’s sometimes really bad sensory so sometimes i’d end up melting down probably… i weirdly have strong teeth though. I should have way more cavities than i do. Apparently tea has fluoride or something good for teeth that’s probably why XD i hate teeth they’re so annoying. Also i wish i had cat fangs… 

I didn’t know that about K-Pop so yeah that makes sense. And yeah, nonwhite anime/k-pop fans can still be as bad or worse. I just still feel like the focus should be on the white ones because nonwhite ones are inherently going to be judged harder. It’s still totally reasonable to call that out though. That being said, i think in general there’s this idea that POC can’t be racist, which is totally wrong. I still would like to make it clear though that the anime fanbase can still be really really bad on a more personal level. Also I was talking more about the fanbase than the actual thing. I didn’t know the production of K-pop was like that. 

Also side note (this was actually an old white person who probably knows nothing about anime so it’s not related) but it’s strange the things people will get weird about. Like even hair color. My hair is brown/black. It’s dark brown, it just looks black in a lot of lights so people tend to think of it as black i think. I actually used to think it was medium-light brown. it has NEVER been anywhere near that. I think i just wanted it to be (well technically i wanted orange/orange-blonde hair). 

Hah do you watch/listen to/read the same thing over and over again too? I’ve been watching the same 30 minutes of Cinderella all day heh. I very much like the same thing over and over again in everything basically. There was this one time where I was obsessed with this book and I read it like 42 times in maybe half a year (if i’m correct, which i might not be).

Also i finally got the nose spray antibiotic for my sinus infection and i think it’s helping! It’s weird because the only thing they found is apparently normal to have in there and it isn’t usually infecting or something but it does seem to be helping. 

You said that the new Taylor Swift album wasn’t as good and i’m curious why/what about it. I haven’t listened to it and even if i had i’ve never listened to any Taylor Swift really so i wouldn’t be able to tell if it was different but i’m curious what’s worse. 

Also have you ever noticed that once someone gets popular people start hating them? There’s this artist I like who started out pretty indie (idk if that’s the right word) and now is a lot bigger and now he’s seen as cringey and bad. That could partially be that he’s popular among mentally ill queer kids though, and people dislike that association. Frankly his music is really well-written, the lyrics are well-done, and overall it’s just good. Then there’s also “classics”, like older stuff like The Cure, which doesn’t have that sort of association. So maybe it’s more associations. Also my non-classical music taste is very weird - on one hand there’s like post-punk and “heavier” stuff, and on the other hand there’s some more indie and softer stuff. and i’m ridiculously picky. A lot of modern music is very repetitive, the same thing staggered with no changes. I guess that’s probably part of what i like about classical - the whole point is variation. Also lyrics can be annoying (I like Bach cantatas and stuff but i have no idea what they mean). Like the song is great but the lyrics are all “love is amazing mushy romantic overly cheery” and it’s just unpleasant to me heh. Seriously though please discuss your music taste (if you want to). Especially because i’m almost done with your music recs but i don’t know if they’re completely off. Also if you have any classical music that you like let me know. Half of what’s taking so long is me trying to decide which Telemann violin fantasia to start with XD (don’t look it up yet, i must properly prepare you with the correct recording and such)

Do you have more thoughts on YA or books in general? Like partially i just always relate more to MG characters and that sort of thing even though I’m “technically” the age YA is made for. Also it annoys me that everything about how dark YA is is either like “it’s way too dark, kids shouldn’t be exposed to this!” or like the sort of mindset i've talked about before that idk how to explain. Also I really think YA books need to focus more on “smaller” emotions. Not because they’re more important or anything, but it just feels like every time anyone even mentions like being lonely or that sort of thing it gets brushed off and doesn’t effect anything and either doesn’t get a resolution or gets this really fake “everything’s great now” resolution. I think there’s a lot of emotions that are under-explored… like loneliness and being disconnected from people and nothingness, but also actually being angry or impulsive or bitter (instead of like Cool YA Angry). Also this is just me, but it doesn’t help that YA characters always have someone understanding who cares about them and usually is a catalyst for the change. Idk i just feel like there’s a lot of under-utilized emotions and stuff.

I like MG in general though, especially because there's an established convention that the kids are going to be more mature than a 12-year old actually is (they're almost always 12 idk why). Though I've seen people be like "weren't mature enough" to characters that totally were realistic. also if a character's under 9 they're going to be super stereotypical and not given any personality, which is really unfair in my opinion. I also really think that especially in fantasy and anything that school doesn't matter for there's a whole range of ages that should be explored. People say it won't be marketable, but isn't it a good thing to break down some of how kids hate kids of other ages? also to make it seem less like you're inherently going to become this different person when you get older and have to throw away everything you like if it's young. also i just like writing either 7-10 or 11 and like 14-15 and 18-20 for some reason (18-20 only in the context of being older than you should and not "mature enough" though.)

adding on: to be fair kids shouldn't be exposed to that sort of thing, but they are regardless so the argument would only take away useful resources. also why the heck are MG characters always 12?! Like it's not always but very frequently.

i also think part of why i find the books unrealistic is that i don't really feel emotions on average. like i used to think i was feeling like content but then i read more and i realized that content means like a happy undertone? idk it's just like pretty much nothing but not always in the numb way. Like my mood is mostly generated by the amount of buzzing/energy i have in my head. idk if i'm explaining this well but i have been realizing that because i've been having more like underlying stuff besides just "nothing and then everything". so that might be skewing my views on this stuff. idk how anyone could deal with actually feeling stuff any of the time even if it's good XD i really do think there's a lot of underexplored stuff in books though. that being said i don't really read as much YA as I hear about, so again my results are slightly skewed.

also i think that there's often no overlap between "undeniable one-sided thing where someone is clearly very much wrong and usually actively trying to hurt them and it's constant" and "it's a bit of a misunderstanding". and i think that's partially because people don't like admitting that like, people can hurt you without trying. like at some point it's major willful ignorance, but that's still kind of different. 

i also think that often it's better for a book to have one or two major "bad things". Like is it realistic for there to be more? Absolutely. But the more there are, the less time there is to fully develop each one. that's just a random thought though, and it's definitely not a rule or anything 

okay bye sorry this one's long XD

I got a smudge bunny!! She's the softest thing everrrr. I saw her in a shop and even tho it went over my monthly budget I just had to get her. Any name ideas?

I came up with a few more :P idk if they all fit from the ones you liked but i tried to match it at least a little.

Ottilie, Eleanor, Elanor, Adelaide, Elowen, Abilene, Lainie, Eliora, Agatha, Willow, Estelle, Calantha or Calanthe, Sadie, Elodie, Hattie, Lettie, Nettie, Nettle (nettles are actually super cool useful plants), Miranda (Miri nickname option - i just saw it mentioned and thought it was cute), Rosella, Cecelia, Cecily, Celie, Tilly or Tillie as a nickname option for Mathilde, Adalie, Coralie, Avalie, Cressida, Asteria, Callista, Mariele, Mirielle, Lucille, Iona, Linnea, Larkspur, maybe Bee or Bean or Bea because they sound like Bree idk, Lilac (must pay tribute to the Lilac Fairy though >:( i’m mostly kidding. mostly)

I especially like Ottilie, Lainie, Calanthe, Hattie, Nettle, Tillie, Rosella, Coralie, Asteria, Bean and Bea or Bee, and maybe Lucille :D Out of your names, my favorites are Mathilde, Lottie, and Rosalie, but I like all of them. Bonnie is cute for a bunny :P Oh and Miri is actually quite cute. I feel like Mathilde fits well from the picture but i could be wrong. And I really like the name Tillie XD anything like that (Millie, Tillie, Lottie, Lettie, Nettle (not technically the same but i see it with them), any -ie name mostly). 

If you want advice on choosing a name… idk, it usually takes me a really long time and it just starts feeling “right”. Like i still don’t have names for all of my stuffies, and a lot have “pending” names (like Marbles the penguin. I might actually steel Miranda/Miri for her… you can still use those if you like though!). But generally I also need to know the stuffie very well. But you might not. Maybe you could “try out” a name or two for a day and see how it fits, or try writing out the name in full if they’ll have a full last name and such (like Chamomile Honeycomb or Trinket Cookie-Crumbs or Chrysanthemum Jasper who may also be named Candytuft (a flower but PERFECT) now). Idk if you get their opinion on it or not, but that could be helpful. You could try writing a short thing about them with that name or something as well (it doesn’t have to be good, just like “(name) lives in a quiet cabin in the woods with her friends” or something. I probably put more effort into names than most do though (I mean i named my raccoon Trinket Cookie-Crumbs. It’s probably strange but it fits and fae likes it (as much as fae likes anything).

I’ve had too much fun with this :D and don’t worry, i have more names. So many more names. SO MANY MORE NAMES. And if you consider that basically any word can be a name… *laughs evilly, and yes this does include me being the Carabosse after she finalizes the curse on Aurora, with suitors frozen with swords in the air as I disappear off the stage in a cloud of smoke” 

On Random thoughts/things you said you wanted to learn to draw - do you want any tips or critiques? Also don’t put it off because you’re bad at it. While learning fundamentals and such is important, it’s also important to just draw. And at the beginning it’s going to look bad no matter what you do anyway - even when you’ve drawn somewhat longer, everyone has drawings that just turn out bad. (trust me, i spend my whole time drawing fighting it. It’s inevitable though) And you can always just draw sketches and little doodles for fun! I’d generally recommend that you figure out how to do stuff realistically before working on stylizing, though. 

Also can i draw your bunny?! If you have any details about the world or her personality or such let me know. If not i’ll make it up :D I really like drawing my Smudges but it’s so hard to get Oolong (my elephant) to look decent.

And I wonder how strong most peoples’ concepts of color theory are. Even if they haven’t studied it, people tend to have some idea of “these colors look together, these don’t”. And like I guess it also could be for something like fashion, where people also tend to have an idea of how the colors look with their skin and hair and such, so maybe they generally get how colors affect each other? I’m just thinking because i like color theory. Although most of it is stuff i’ve built up from analyzing stuff over a longish period of time. 

Also (sorry if you don’t care about this anymore i just have a lot of thoughts) I think as much or more of the problem is the way people talk about books. It’s often kind of romanticize-y in a tragic way or… idk how to put it but the way they talk about the characters sometimes. And then how certain things aren’t “allowed” to be dark. Like no book cares about bullying. Maybe if it’s like super super incredibly bad, but not if it’s like idk people tapping you and purposely making you meltdown because it’s funny (i kind of wish i had worse meltdowns back then actually so i would have scared them more heh). Certainly not teasing. People don’t care if kids are mean to other kids in general. (Or if adults are mean to kids but that’s a whole different story.) Loneliness is never dark. Mean comments are never dark. Idk. and like it just - there’s so frequently so many things thrown in. You just can’t give everything the time it deserves if there are that many things. That’s just the way writing works. It’s not real life, you can’t have 20 separate awful things and also have a functional plot. And it has to be active pain all the time. And how there’s always SOMEONE who cares like a ton and is a catalyst for change or something like that. i think this is probably all my thoughts but i won't promise anything

Oh but about the bullying thing - I CANNOT STAND the whole “bully is actually just a sad hurt person and you actually are part of the issue” thing that comes up in like every MG book. Like i’m all for books that would deal with that in a detailed, well-done way. But the way it’s done is always awful. There was this book where the bully was like “oh your family’s poor, i bet bad things are going to happen” in front of a big group and then it was like “well the main character put gum in the bully’s locker once so it’s okay”. I hate it so deeply.

Part of this is just me being upset that my Reshinerr story will never be seen as dark, especially because it’s mostly divorced from the actual trauma happening and put in a cool fantasy world instead. Like i could see people being like “it’s fluff!” because there’s so many things people just don’t care about and a good amount of it is kind of like fluff but sadder. Maybe less depending on how i take it but i kind of want to post some of it on the CB at some point. Anyway sorry because you said you prefer not to think about YA but. I really think that the whole “dark not dark” thing is the worst part but i hadn’t properly put it into words.

I agree with you about “the popularity backlash” as you put it, but what does “the tiktokification of pop music” mean? The Taylor Swift thing i know nothing about it but “tattooed golden retriever” is hilarious. Like i almost want to like it, i think effort must have been put into it, but like… XD. I like doing stuff kind of like that but never really like that… like small wordcraft subversions. “I’m not a star, but I’m falling” and such during the Reshinerr book’s opening. They need way more substance than that though XD

and like i understand enjoying finding smaller artists but i don’t get suddenly hating anyone bigger (I’ve seen this with indie-er music where it’s like when they’re unknown people adore them and then they get popular and suddenly they’re cringey. Again though. A major person I’m thinking of is mostly popular among queer mentally ill kids, largely because they’re a queer mentally ill kid/person. So).

Also you know how my sinus infection was getting better? Two days before my concerto competition concert i got a cold *sobs*. Wrote about it elsewhere so: Apparently I'll be doing it next semester, because the other option was me playing part of it with someone literally holding up the scroll because i was so tired XD. and i’d probably end up sneezing in the middle of it. and that way i wouldn't get to the cadenza I had written, which is way more fun than the actual piece (JC Bach/Casadesus viola concerto in C Minor, third movement). Not that the actual piece isn't fun, though. anyway at least i get extra time to just completely perfect it i guess??? But the timing was awful. it'll be annoying to have to keep that piece performance-ready that long... but oh well

I promise I'll get your music recs out at some point :P ummm and remember to be easy and kind to yourself and that you're amazing even if you don't do good on a test or such. and to try to reduce stress or such if you can. i think you had more tests coming up if i'm correct but even if not. 

oh and i can draw the cabin that your bunny lives in too! I just drew Chrysanthemum's and it was fun. I usually don't like drawing houses because i'm awful at perspective (probably has to do with the fact that i can never find a ruler) but if you just draw them from the front you can focus on the design heh. also Chrysanthemum's full name is officially Chrysanthemum Candytuft Jasper and I'm pretty sure my penguin is Miranda Marbles but they donnt like Miranda and mostly go by Miri. i can design or you can basic description

and sorry admins i'm posting a ton but - Silver, do you like spicy foods? I thought i didn't but i actually just don't like black pepper. I can barely stand any pepper. but i'm eating a fried rice with sriracha right now and i ended up eating all the wasabi peas when we got them in Hawai'i (to my mom's disappointment) and also had a bunch of her extra spicy pad thai that was actually extra spicy. my brother and dad like really really spicy food though. extra spicy is never spicy enough for them even when it is spicy. we went to Japan once and my brother had takoyaki (it's like not sweet octopus donut things) only it was fresh out of the pan and he burned his tongue and couldn't taste anything for the rest of the trip and now he has a super high spice tolerance. oh, but my mom's from Texas and tex mex (like Texan food like tacos and chips and salsa, which are different from tacos you'd get in Mexico) is pretty spicy sometimes. 

also Yasmine Naghdi and Matthew Ball are such a good Bluebird and Florine. Naghdi is perfect for the role, just the way she does her arms in general, and Ball is amazing with all the jumps. I really want to see Marcelino Sambe and Anna Rose O'Sullivan as Bluebird and Florine they'd be amazing I think. I honestly don't know if Anna Rose O'Sullivan could top Naghdi in this... idk though she always amazes me. I think Marcelino Sambe would be the perfect mix of really really strong high jumper (his jumps are amazing. i'm sure there's a fancier word for it in ballet talk) and really really graceful. A lot of male dancers tend more towards one side or the other but he's amazing at both. There's a Romeo and Juliet with Naghdi and Ball and Naghdi is much more playful and O'Sullivan is more sad but also a different kind of playful. they're both really good. I think I prefer O'Sullivan but i think it's extra especially more personal preference than anything.

also "Yasmine Naghdi Matthew Ball" has as many syllables as "Anna Rose O'Sullivan" alone :P

also Fumi Kaneko is officially top tier of my ranking. I think the top tier is Marcelino and her :P oh my gosh they'd be amazing if they did something together. but anyway i saw a review of Kaneko's Sleeping Beauty (which she literally took over on the day of the performance, or at least that's when ROH announced it from what i found on their social media) that said she didn't get fully into the role of Aurora. Sometimes I can understand where people are coming from. I legitimately have no idea. She's the most natural Aurora and it comes through even in her dancing even without the other acting. but the thing that made this change is seeing her as Fairy Godmother in Cinderella. I just - don't get how anyone can be so perfect. There's this one part where she comes in for 15 seconds and every pose is just perfect and i think it's legitimately my favorite thing i've seen. her acting comes in as much from her dancing as from everything else to a degree I don't think I've ever seen other than her. And she really seems to "get" the music and the little details she brings out always enhance it. On which note she does SO many little details even in the Sleeping Beauty she wasn't actually "supposed" to have done. anyway. also i'd imagine this is basically everyone at ROH even probably the "lowest" ranking (like Gina Storm-Jensen, who was an absolutely amazing Lilac Fairy, is "only" a Soloist!! she's so good!), but she's strong enough to just randomly do the Rose Adagio amazingly (i've seen actual dance people praise like "without a single muscle twitch" and such so i know she did it well) . You can't build strength in even a week really (even just for doing the same staccato off-the-string stroke relatively fast for like 40 measures twice, over and over again for rehearsal WHY Mussorgsky WHAT DID THE VIOLA SECTION EVER DO TO YOU) so she's just always that strong. anyway. 

last thing promises - even though I ultimately like Muntagirov's Florimund solo better, Frederico Bonelli's in the 2020 one still definitely has its own magic. also the music is played better which helps. but still, it's really good. i think he moved to another ballet company recently.  and Fumi Kaneko's solo is just perfect. and i think she'd be an amazing Odette/Odile. I want Sambe as Siegfried thanks. okay that was like four things at least. goodbye.

okay i'll respond more later but my ski lodge is up! you said you were interested so even if there are 10 charries by the time you respond i'd probably allow another if you want to join. here's the link: 

https://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/inkwell/node/572768  

you don't have to join obviously, but just in case you're interested (since you said you were)