Sometimes I think

When you're broken

It's harder to see things clearly.

Through all the fractured bits 

You start to see a kaleidascope of the same image

Repeated over and over and over from all angles,

And can't catch sight of anything else.

It's like tunnel-vision but times a million,

Clouded by clusters of crushed stars by the dozen —

Dreams of what could be 

But isn't yet

And may never be. 

Though clouded eyes

And frosted glass

They think they see it all,

Puffed up words

In a lattice maze 

They think they'll never fall;

They'll catch you captivated 

In the web of tales they tell.

But soon enough you'll find

It's all one shaky spell;

Surely, against them, you'll stand

Surely, you won't fall for that. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I do have more of this, but I originally wrote it as a song about something very specific, so it doesn't really make sense without further context. 

Outward peace is deceptive, when trenches run so deep

Not bitter, but dark as unforeseen ice are the depths

And none too violent perhaps, admittedly

No vengeance is sought, for now, but ‘tis stranger

Not a stranger—a friend, my dear

Given so lovingly too, and not without fault, but

How am I to deserve such a shining soul?

Without question, I never will

This debt I can never pay, among others

Others know not the riches in their midst

When your eyes are lit within, my dear

And the World knows not the blaze in mine when 

They are not

But it will

It will know

It will know, whispers the clothes on their hearth

It will know, hisses the helmet on its stand

It will know, spits the blade’s edge in its sheath

It will know, peals the Truth

And the Moon’s light bears down in witness

It will know

Sharp as my fingers along the blade

Hard as the helmet in my hands

Smooth as the fabric on my skin

It will know

When my boots trudge through the crystal snow

And my eyes take in the stars

And the next breath is cold

When my sword is deep in the ice

And my helmet is cast to my feet

And my cloak is flung to the wind

With every paper fold, wrap, and crimp

When knees are fallen in snow

And eyes find stars

When frost engulfs me, I am lit aflame

The Moon bears witness

The Truth knows all

And Star burning the vastness of space never measured to the love you’ve always had

Surrounding you

Hidden from you

Stolen from you

The Truth bears witness

And the World will know

It will know

It will know my Rage

But my sword is silent

I know one deadlier.

i submitted this poem earlier but now i have a specific question. does it feel disjointed? to me, it's very cohesive because it's building on a world i have. but others don't have that so i can see it might not really make sense. Overall it really might not make sense to anyone but me... sad because i actually kind of liked it *sobs* I also don't know if "under a rose bush" adds anything. that being said thanks so much Celine and Jaybells :D

~

If i could throw open the back door to home, breath stuck in a cave that has no end because the cave is made of fear, 

Pocket the lock picks made of dreams (dreams like cotton candy abandoned under a rosebush, cloudy mostly with mold at this point)

and check they’re there again and again because i can’t trust myself and i’ve all i’ve got

(and wish there was no going back)

Step through the hall of mirrors - ignore the smoke - step over the scattered house of cards until

Light -

It’s only the carousel, horses’ eyes gleaming

(the carousel shouldn’t be lit at this hour)

If I could go back, redo

Everything,

Never taste cloying real air

Live forever in the carnival of dreams, illusions,

figments of my imagination (like friends and being myself because magic is the least of it)

And tend stories like glass lilacs and forget the real world (because the real world’s a venus flytrap and i’m the fly) -

Would I get lost in the mazes of rosebushes and friends?

Savor every cup of pumpkin cocoa and content?

Leave chaos far behind?

Would I be myself?

Would I be happy?

Would i be free like the ghosts that are chained to this place? 

Alone 

I linger on the docks

Pretend I can't feel the thunder

Rumble right through me.

I'm just waiting for the tsunami

While everyone else thinks

It's just nearly high tide. 

Twittle with a feather,

Watch it break the surface 

Cracking in smooth convection shards

Like life itself repeating. 

hey i haven't posted anything on this thread in a while but here's some melodramatic ramblings i wrote on the way to school this morning that probably don't make much sense to anyone but myself lol. might edit this some more later, we'll see.

also the last few lines ("achievements" to "universe") are taken from the dedication of the unisphere :]

view from the 7 train

there is a sort of comfort to the 

long gold-leafed rays of sunlight hitting windows of 

laminated glass, fracturing into

a thousand glimmering technicolored lasers dancing

dancing dancing across stainless

steel—

there is a sort of comfort to the burrowing

of light deep into my skull, 

striking a match against the churning tsunamis

of my eyes—

there is a sort of comfort to the pain.

even more painful than these matutinal distress flares, though,

is the globe of sculpted metal, scintillating, 

taunting the rising sun,

paralyzed in orbit. 

it isn’t even a knife-twist anymore;

it’s a grieving tongue searching the newly gaping chasm between sharp little teeth,

it’s a careless finger pressed to a wine-dark bruise,

edged with sickly green.

there is a sort of ache to the way 

i can’t help wondering what it would be like to stare into its reflecting pool

and see the sky and the sun, 

not some shattered many-eyed distortion of myself

and the phantoms perched like angels upon my shoulders,

their hawk talons digging into my skin; wondering 

what it would be like to grab at the slipping sand

with something other than these slender, calloused hands—

or perhaps be able to wash the memory of coarse rock out of my bloodstream

entirely; wondering 

which bold satellites will finally launch the space age of my life; wondering

when i’ll stop idolizing who i was at eight; wondering

if i’ll ever have anything to show for myself besides achievements

on a shrinking globe

in an expanding universe.