I don’t know how to think

How to feel

So I’ll just imagine the world isn’t as it is

And my mind stops spinning with it

May it be simple, then likely I’d never know

But to sneak behind myself in cracks of time

As if I wasn’t in my own mind

And maybe I wasn’t, far away as I find myself

In the nightmares that never stir me, but

Whisper of constant unease, when

Anxiety finds it prism and dances

Out of sight, perpetually in mind

Posing the question

Anxiety or common sense? Which prevail

When I want to know, and am I

Seen but not heard?

here's a few poems I've written lately :)

blizzard

the snowflakes dancing against the window screen

cannot be seen

until

you turn on the light

gray

Today was a nasty day.

The wind blew,

the wind's still moaning,

and the water went over the wheel

over and over,

relentless fluidity.

a memory

autumn leaves

brilliant scarlet

waft slowly down into a pool of clear water

bittersweet

I think I know, now,

what bittersweet means.

It's when you're so sad

because God messed up in his calculations,

and 1 + 1 doesn't equal 2 anymore

and perfection could have happened, but it didn't

but still just the thought of it

is making your whole life glow.

i wonder what people see when they look into the stars—

do they see the immeasurable sadness in looking out at the passage of time,

wishes silhouetted against the midnight ebony?

do they see the starlit curiosity in imagining the

graveyard of grayscale,

the cold beauty in endless celestial fields of an

astral asphodel?

and i wonder what the stars see when they look back at us—

do they know that we idolize their broken bodies?

do they understand that sometimes the only thing lighting up our world

is their long-dead brilliance?

that their broken dreams illuminate a path for ours to mend?

and i wonder if when they died

did their starry souls go to heaven?

for what is heaven when our eden is nothing but their silent tomb, twisted and remastered in a thousand different ways?

and i wonder why fermi needed a whole paradox

to define the way we live

when it’s so obvious that we’re

already alone? 

and i wonder why we even exist at all— 

just to watch a slow-motion cemetery

thousands of years old?

Like A Bird

Like a bird flying

Just above the waves

Dipping, then rising

Right before it touches

The ocean, it is like

An emotional ride

On a roller coaster

Like echoes from

Some time not long ago

Or perhaps from the

Beginning of the world

Like the breeze of the

Wind that drifts from

The north, all that is

My life with you

Sometimes life feels as though

I’m climbing up a mountain slope

Climbing the dangerous heights

To reach the far away sky

Past the sideways trees

Always falling to my knees

Slipping down the sides

Crumbs of dirt filling my eyes

Making me blink back tears

And it feels that it takes me years

To reach the rocky part

Don’t look down or my heart

Will fail from the distance covered

Still, my feet will hover

Reluctant to go any higher

In fear of falling the hard way down

And yet I still go on

With the pressure building in my chest

Attempting to shove me down

The lack of oxygen takes the breath

Away from my lungs

My hearing is muted

By the wind and elevation change

The snow I’ve reached

Slips beneath my feet

Cold and somehow warm

With the sun on my back

I want to melt into the rivulets

Going down the mountain

To fill the rivers and lakes

But I must go on to the top

I cannot sink

At the peak the wind is strongest

Pushing me to the edge

And so I leap, it’s my choice

But it remains to see

If I fly and go free

Or if I fall and perish

They slice through the frozen soil,

Ice-clad sod, thick and heavy round your neck,

Little needlepoints of peridot

The yoke of which blinds us all

With the sharp scent of greenery

Peeking through the blank canvass. 

hi. 

hmm, i quite like this name.

i suppose i'll continue posting under it.

the formatting might be a little off -- they're copypasted from my document of poems.  

--- 26.0 - TO FORGET. 

did i finally forget? 

has our story finally come to an end? 

has the curtain finally fallen, 

the director’s voice ringing out on the set?

did i finally forget? 

or is it just another never-ending reminder of you, 

ringing in my ears, 

echoing loudly in the silence.

did i finally forget? 

what, exactly, does it mean to forget? 

i know i haven’t erased you from my memories — 

i will forever remember the way you loved me. 

to forget. 

i wish i could see our time 

as nothing but a hazy dream 

ephemerally ethereal colors

dancing across the darkness 

of the soft, moonlit pond. 

to forget— 

what does it mean to forget? 

perhaps it is to finally move on, 

to turn towards a new dawn, 

to finally live again. 

then, i suppose i haven’t forgotten. 

i wish i could.

--- 24.0 - EVANESCENT, AS ALWAYS. 

the fleeting night — 

flowers, glistening with glassy ice 

a cold breeze through the room 

yet i was still warm, 

my once-frozen heart beating 

at the thought of you. 

the night was scary without you— 

a dark path into the unknown 

if that unknown included you, 

it wouldn’t be as frightening. 

yes, i remember 

how could i ever forget? 

the evanescent sunrises — 

everyone talks about sunsets, 

but those are an end, 

bidding adieu to the blissful day 

sunrises are new beginnings, 

a whispered ‘good morning’, 

or a sleepy ‘five more minutes’. 

sunrises are beginnings to a day— 

a day with you 

of course i remember 

how could i ever forget? 

the ephemeral sun — 

high in the sky, shining down brightly 

yet you were brighter 

you were my light, my love, my life. 

i was drawn to you as a moth is drawn to light

and perhaps you, too, were like the sun— 

flickering away into nothingness, 

the moon reflecting remnants of light

what once was my light in the dark 

has now become part of the dark, 

melting away into the shadows 

of course i remember… 

but i want to forget. 

i want to forget. 

i want to forget your voice 

your face, your laugh 

i want to forget 

the way you told me about everything 

the way you used to tell me ‘i love you’ 

i want to forget everything you did for me 

i want to forget the way you loved me 

i want to forget you. 

it seems, in a wicked twist of fate, 

i have forgotten to forget you.  

I've changed your username and location, because we don't allow swear words on the CB. If you want to change your username and location to something else entirely, let me know and I will change it on this post. - Admin

The air is frigid

From north’s breath

Squeezing my lungs and

Nipping my nose and

Clouding my breath and

Frosting my lashes

Though the clouds are gray

Soft and light like a doves’ wing

The feathers that fall are

Cold and harsh beauty

Brushing my cheeks softly and

Stinging my face

Simultaneously

The white melting into water

Going down my throat and

Filling my heart and

Freezing then expanding

Exploding into ice shards

Numbing feelings 

Numbing toes

My eyes ice over 

Deadened from the sun and

From the hope in the world

And the flakes continue to swirl down

From the polluted sky

Coloring the ground

All the same shade

Of white

A blank sheet

A turned page

Can we color it different

When we are statues

Made from cold?

Standing out there

In the winter weather

Feeling empty and

Glacial and

Just no life

But still

Even though it’s toxic

It’s nice to taste the snow again