Not sure about this one, but it's okay :) and I really, really am proud... Of the title XD

My Best Friend is a Dystopia

Dear BFF Forever (who I haven’t seen in so long),

Another million days

On the other side of that wall 

Sometimes I thought

I heard your voice

Through the sorrow

But I feared your desperate cries 

For help

I wish I could say otherwise...

Dear Best Friend (who becomes so unrecognizable),

I think someday 

I’ll climb over the wall

Just to find you

Just to see you

Smile like you did

When you were okay

Dear Maybe My Friend (who I wish I could hear laughing again),

I’m sorry,

It’s my fault,

Isn’t it?

I didn’t do enough,

Say enough,

Now you’re fading away

Now you’re so hard to distinguish 

Among the emptiness

Dear Someone On the Other Side of The Ashes (who I feel I’ll never find), 

Someday,

Maybe,

Will you talk to me?

...

Okay. Never mind. 

I'm so lonely

Here in my snow-globe world

It's so cold

Despite the snow being fake

I've lived my whole life here

Although some ask whether it's truly a life worth living

I don't know

But it's all I've ever known

And I'm at peace

I never wish for what I don't have here  

So I'm never sad

As long as I stay in my snow-globe

And never venture outside

I'm safe

Alone 

Cold 

Lost 

Here. 

.

Me? 

I wished for a better future,

But that never came to be;

--For something this broken needs no suture--

I wonder how it all went wrong, truly.

What wish of green pastures,

Clean clear blue water and skies,

Of leading memory-blurred figures

Was so very unwise?

What great evil misfortune,

From the depths of these hollow hearts, 

The delicate balance shattered --never again to burgeon--

And as in tender-flesh plush, embedded soulless darts? 

I peer wistfully atop these overbearing walls,

Watching, wishing for that past, minutely better;

But in the end, am left to wander unconsolling drab halls

To which I am to eternally roam, adrift and afetter.

~~~~~~~~~~

I made up at least two words in here, one of which was in service to the slightly-forced rhyme. :P

How can I ever truly convey

The deep-set chill, or seas of cloudy grey?

The lifeless shells of now-dead trees

The skies that flaxen-drops freezes and frees;

The shiver fests and now-time cheer

For winter's already come, or so I hear. 

Your words bite into my flesh,

--New lashes added to my collection--

'So disappointed,' you say

I shrug, just when have you ever been proud? 

Certainly not of me.

I'm glad I never listen, or rather, care;

Because if I did, I would be heartbroken.

Instead I melt into a 'comfortable,' numb cold; quiet

Turn up the music in my brain and pause you

I can't afford to care about your sharp, pointed words. 

Let others, who know not of keen knives or broken glass

Stumble upon your bladed vemon-steeped words instead. 

Nonetheless, everyone will continue to see you as the nice one,

And what does it matter anyways? 

Come, you say

Come see the world with me

The birds are chirping a symphony of their own design

The tall grasses sway in the wind

And it's all here, for you, to enjoy

Maybe it's just the cynic inside me

But those birds are warning each other of hawks circling high overhead

The grass is fighting to keep its root in the soil

And I think they're just a little too busy to care about me

Just like you're always too busy

Or blind, I don't know

But somehow you're never there when I need you

When I'm desperately clutching at my pieces, trying not to collapse,

You're nowhere to be found

And it's hard for me to be here, with you,

Pretending this world is perfect

When it's everything but

(for me, at least)

I guess your whole life is a trot through the meadow. 

A hilarious poem I thought of!

The Night Sky

Free verse by Anonymous

One afternoon I said to myself,

"Why isn't the airglow more ugly?"

Now leggy is just the thing,

To get me wondering if the airglow is stunning.

Pay attention to the aurora,

the aurora is the most amazing hour of all.

Now awful is just the thing,

To get me wondering if the aurora is awe-inspiring.

The star is not large!

the star is exceptionally dwarfish.

Does the star make you shiver?

does it?

Don't belive that the jupiter is little?

the jupiter is big beyond belief.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the jupiter,

Gently it goes - the cock-a-hoop, the monumental, the heroic.

Pay attention to the planetarium,

the planetarium is the most sometimes boring optical device of all.

Does the planetarium make you shiver?

does it?

One afternoon I said to myself,

"Why aren't stars more dimmed?"

Down, down, down into the darkness of the stars,

Gently they go - the dim, the lustrous, the undimmed.

A poem for (Insert my friend's name)

The beauty of

What friendship could be 

looks like the sun, rising, growing,

setting. But  

We have seen the beauty.

We have seen the ugly.

I know that I 

Brought the ugly, but

you came back, with the beauty.

With the glory. 

With me.

Thank You.  

I see no way out,

All of those unfinished docs

Sentences chopped short and uninspired;

All of those half-finished sketches

And paints dried, nearly untouched, to the pallet.

I wonder if I should finally get around to

Deleting all those docs, watch them for 30 days in the bin--

Then they disappear;

Finally get down to watching the sketchbooks

Leap and pop, aflame;

Finally scrub the paint residue away and sell my canvases.

I have so many unfinished ideas and projects and thoughts;

So many unspoken words and not-yet-experienced experiences. 

Oh well, it won't matter since I'll vanish tomorrow.

Or the next day.

It'll go unnoticed anyway.

I wonder whether I'm just too weak to erase all my traces,

As if I'm afraid they won't outlast their creator. 

Should I 'disappear them' anyway? 

 me, the pretender

could we pause in that moment:

me, sitting on the wall nervously, tapping tapping tapping fingers on forearms

snapping quietly and quickly because the nervous energy needs to get out out out and this is the only way to do it

i found a pen, then, so i clicked it, over and over and over again because it was easier and louder and it didn't really help but that's okay

and then you tried to take the pen away from me and i knew (it was

almost like an out of body experience, like in the song no one knows about where she's in the backseat of her body i

always liked that line) i was acting like i wasn't okay and maybe i was being dramatic or maybe i really really just

wanted to cry, and the deep breaths i had been taking were shaky at worst and successful at best so i didn't but that made it worse because i just

suffocated slowly, but if i had cried all of you would have tried to make me feel better and i am not a helpless child, and i

do not want you to see me like that, and i'd like to pretend i don't need anyone or anything just a little bit longer, like to pretend that i am still as strong as you think i am.

but you took the pen away (i don't know what happened to it, it was a BiC pen and had a stupid name that we tried to laugh about but i feel like the laughing was just

a cover for the crying inside and just to make the day feel a little more normal because we were so

so scared)

and i went back to my snapping and tapping and then this was the first set of tears and i finally had something to do (it's what i always do) and everything

everything was fine in the end, and i am still a rock:

the observer. something you can lean on but it's cold it's hard and it's sharp sometimes, shards of stained glass but i'm not breakable and stones don't cry, do they?