Thanks so much!

Wow! First of all, congratulations!! That's awesome! :DD And, just so you know, you TOTALLY deserve to be in that program! As someone who's read your (anything but mediocre) writing firsthand, I can wholly and truly and fully say that your writing rocks in the absolutely amazingest way possible!! And if you're ever doubting that, just remember that you won the writing contest with your beautiful, breathtaking, very much well-done piece, that Pangolin (who is an awesome writer), was judging, and who picked you because your piece was, in her words,: 

"First Place

Silver Crystal! Wow, this is beautiful. I haven't been to Chinatown since the pandemic, but I feel like you really captured that atmosphere, especially in the first two paragraphs. Your writing is sharp and vivid, and you've captured the emotion really, really well. I love the last line especially -- "The wake could wait. Right now, she was feeding the pigeons." -- because it brings the whole story full-circle. It's bittersweet and honestly just so touching; I read it this morning and have been thinking about it all day. Great job -- you're the next judge! :)",

that Amethyst (another great writer), also said: "@Silver Crystal, I truly <3 your story, and congratulations :D",

that you were in the contest with some truly awesome writers, including Amethyst, Poinsettia, and Jaybells, that you won because you're one of those truly awesome writers, and that you definitely deserve that first place title! :) And, woah, I was literally just looking through your regular writing thread and saw your story on the back page again... still a masterpiece! That was one of the first writing pieces on the CB I ever read that was absolutely mindblowing and it's basically what convinced me that you guys' writing is awesome, if you didn't know. 

Btw, Scuttles (who I think is also a good writer though I don't have as much experience to go on) said about that:

":0 This is a masterpiece! Absolutely beautiful! Magnificent! *further noises of adoration!*

My favorite line is "Maybe you would wonder what they are burning to make the wheels turn. Probably not, though." I can't decide if that makes me laugh or if it sends chills down my spine! :D

And, feel free to vent as much as you need to! We're always here for you, that's what this is for! :DD hope this helps/was not torture to read, and good luck <3

I completely get that trepidation and hesitance when sharing your writing – essentially a slice of yourself – with anyone, as nice or close to you as they may be. I doesn't seem to matter how small or 'insignificant' the work is, it's still like handing out a condensed version of yourself out and watching someone consume it, each bite and stroke of the chew agonising, the swallow a toture, and the blank expression or small smile whilst complimenting the flavour oh-so-very hollow. That prospect kind of terrifies me. I've been writing for years, and love sharing it – in theory, that is. I love to get feedback and insights and perspectives, and I revel in the discourse a mere poem can spark, the creativity it can stir, the life it blooms into beyond the page or screen. And yet, I still cannot watch someone read something I've written without getting physically sick from anxiety. I cannot read something I've written out loud in class, or share a story with a friend without literally risking an panic attack. It is so very confusing, but kinda makes sense in its own backwards way. 

It's ok to be nervous or tentative about sharing your writing. That's completely normal. But don't let those nerves stop you from being who you are, and doing what you love. If you got chosen for that elite writing club, don't tell yourself you're not worth it. I promise you're better than you think, and doubting yourself will only hurt you. If you are worried about being inferior to anyone else, improve as much as you can. It may be slow, and plainful, and make you feel like you will never be enough, but you can gain so much by reading others' works, synthesizing, sharing in small steps with the CB or in-person friends, forcing yourself to do a quick-write every now and then. You can do it. You just have to choose to persevere.

Haha, that's kind of hypocritical coming from me, a chronic MDD patient with near-constant burn-out and a rampaging case of ADHD whenever I do manage to sit myself down with the intent to write, but I really do believe this is true. I often struggle with commiting to writing, with staying focused and sticking with a single story. With settling for imperfect when I know that good writing is  so much more than what I can ever hope to offer. It feels like such a dreadful drag to get anything done, and even then I feel as if I am blundering in the dark with my arms tied behind me, but it is possible to get things done. I've proven that to myself in the past few months, and watched so many others flourish in doing the same. You don't have to be perfect, or the best you will ever be, or fully confident all the time in your work. All I ask is that you try and enjoy the process. Don't stress, just relish in the churning of creative juices and flow of words from your (metaphorical?)pen. I really hope you can take this to heart, gain some confidence, and crush that program! You can do this! You absolutely got this friendy!!! Best wishes Silver <3<3<3 

Having some imposter syndrome, huh? 

Okay, Silver, I'm just going to say it: you're fantastic. You're a fantastic writer and a fantastic person. You're a very skilled and creative person. Also. You just got into an amazing program. You're already doing great. Do you really think you'd be in a place like that if you weren't supposed to? 

I agree with Jaybells, it's completely okay and even normal to feel nervous, but I wouldn't be looking at it as "everyone's a better writer than me" - especially before you've really heard anything they're writing. Please, please try to stop seeing yourself as someone outside of these "insanely talented people." You're in a room with them, taking a class with them, writing just like them - you are one of them! You are an insanely talented person! And you're all there to learn how to get better at your craft.

For the record, I'm really proud of you. You deserve to be there. You're going to do amazing there. You're more than ready for this. 

And I live in the same house as one...hehe