Chatterbox: Inkwell

I'm posting some excerpts from one of my novels here, and I'd really appreciate honest critique. I usually do more dialogue than description, but here are a few different paragraphs.

Also, I changed the names, because I work very hard on my names and most are rather original, so I'd rather not have them stolen. And pronouns just get confusng.

Okay, here goes.

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Kit Kat,

http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/inkwell/node/9579

Please? *looks up expectantly* They all sounded really good, especially 'To Follow A Brook.' :)

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Hi, I'm new here (although I've already read many posts). I am looking foward to meeting new people here. Could anybody help me to operate Inkwell? I barely found how to make a new thread; when I sent in my first post, I'm not sure if it made it or not.

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Hello. I'm new here (although I've read many of the other posts). I really look foward to meeting new people here. Could anybody tell me how to use Chatterbox? I barely could find how to make a new thread.

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Hey, Round Robin Time!!!!! Here we go, beginning a new story:

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Greek role-play cont. Koffee asked me for this, so I made it. Here's a short summary:

Xlanalx(Pirocks) is ruling most of Persia and ready to attack Greece.

Aaliasha was hired as Xlanalx's spy. Kept in Sparat so she wouldn't know about what happens to Persia.

Wren is Xlanalx's spy.

Jenri is cooperating with Elyte to overthrow Xlanalx (or something).

Elyte is Xlanlx's messanger.

ALL OF THESE HAVE BEEN TAKEN! IF YOU WISH TO JOIN, MAKE A NEW CHARACTER!!!!!!!

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Roleplay #3

Shocked, Aslishia stared into the face of her former schoolmate. Orna? Here? How could that be? Orna seemed to recognize her. "Aalishia? What are you doing, in Greece of all places." Orna and Aalishia had been school enemies, bitter rivals. Would Aalishia never rid herself of that vicious little insect? Anything or anyone from Persia could endanger her mission-especially someone with a grudge against her.

((Sorry, I know this thing is horrible, but my mom wants me off the computer.))

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Here's a bit of the story I've been playing around with. It's called Surviving Denial. Your thoughts please:

Magdalene stared wordlessly at the man. He grinned back, showing a toothy smile with blackened gums.     “Now tell me little girl, what’s your name?”    

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Koffee, I asked you a question on www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/inkwell/node/18949 about using a name for a character in a story. Can you please answer it? Thank you.

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I'm trying something new . . .