Chatterbox: Inkwell

I'm posting some excerpts from one of my novels here, and I'd really appreciate honest critique. I usually do more dialogue than description, but here are a few different paragraphs.

Also, I changed the names, because I work very hard on my names and most are rather original, so I'd rather not have them stolen. And pronouns just get confusng.

Okay, here goes.

Jayna’s heart beat faster as she walked down in aisle in her pale turquoise dress and other finery. A bit farther behind Ima, the junior bridesmaid, walked Libellee, looking like perfection itself. Her silver-white dress glistened with a shimmer to turn the white December snow green with envy. A strand of pearls decorated her neck and her curly red-golden hair framed her face and fell down her back, a lacy veil covering most of it. She was stunning, from her shining face down to her tiny silvery shoes. ******************************************When Kimbersong woke up she was in the hospital. Voices without bodies were flittering around her, most of the words just out of her reach. She blinked confusedly and looked around. “What’s going on?” “Hello, dear,” said a nurse. “I’m Nurse Florian. I’m sorry to say that your house collapsed a few days ago due to a flood. All of your siblings are alive. Some have broken bones, but they will heal soon. Your mother, however… Mrs. Beauregard suffered from a dastardly heart attack brought on not only but unhealthy dietary habits and smoking but by the huge shock that the collapse of the house and the flood induced on her already fragile health problems- never had very good lungs. She perished in the catastrophic disaster. I apologize for your lose and offer my best regards to you and your family in this time of need.”Kimbersong’s eyes filled with tears and she felt a sharp pang. However, she swallowed the lump, painful though it was, and blinked back her stinging tears. She had to be strong for her younger siblings. Save the tears for later, she told herself. You can cry when you’re alone. But don’t look like a baby in front of this obviously unsympathetic nurse. She nodded with gusto- perhaps a bit too much gusto to be considered natural- and said, her voice trembling and cracking towards the end of her question, “What’s going to happen to me and my siblings now?”******************************************The big day dawned bright and early. Lenae woke up with a yawn, anticipating the rest of the day. After a quick meal of barley bread, biscuits, and oatmeal, which is very high in carbs, she began getting ready.She put on a lacy slip fringed with gold rickrack. Then on went a stunning carroty-colored dress with ginger flowers on the skirt. A golden sash like a ripe pumpkin shone around her waist. She took out a necklace made of pennies that Stefanio had given her. She looked good. Now for her hair. She arranged the dark brown tresses in an intricate design. A pair of pumpkin earrings nearly completed the autumn-y look. After putting on her golden tights she had to root around for a while before finding a suitable pair of sandy-colored strappy beach sandals.  ******************************************The living room seemed the same as always. Mustard yellow draperies, mustard yellow couches, and two mustard yellow armchairs were scattered around. A coffee table (brown) rested in the middle of the room.

Aargh! I'm sorry, Administrtor! Not only is the font all messed up because I copied and pasted, but this is also WAY too long! Hang on, I'll condense.

Okay, is that better? (You can't tell, but I deleted a few sentences.)

It still looks way long, but maybe that's just the huge font.