Immortality isn’t 

all it’s made out to be.

‘Times I feel

As if the world is

Out to get me, and

If you ask me why I’m

Always quiet, never seen;

It’s ‘cause I’ve had

A million years

To cry.

~

Did I make up a whole poem based on a line that came into my head that sounded so cool I couldn't bear not to use it? Yes. Yes I did. (It's "I've had a million year to cry" if you're wondering) 

(I'll tell you my name, or maybe not, depending on if this goes over well...)

As I sit by my open window one night
A breeze of fresh, cold air
Beckons to me; tries to and catches
My attention and my care

Though all the people of reason
Are safe, warm in their beds
I have oh so much to do
Before I rest my head

I must see the stars and clouds
From ev'ry place on Earth
And figure out, somehow
The reason for my birth

I must know all there is to know
And tell all there is to tell
Before I even seek to dream
Of heaven, or of hell

(I wrote this a while ago, It's kinda iffy in my opinion, but I thought it was good at ffirst, so I decided to post it under Anon.... I should stop talking, um, *posts*)

hey..going under an alias here.

bc i dont feel comfy posting this under my real name

~

<3 missing you <3

~

its all my fault

my fault you two

didnt

work out

its all my fault

my fault

you died

its all my fault

my fault

that youre now gone

i miss you

i miss your smiles

your laughter

your hugs

i miss everything about you

i miss you like crazy

i remember your eyes shining

whenever

you talked

abt

a subject

you were

obessesed

with

i remember

the details

of your face

your beautiful green eyes

your brown hair

cascading

down

your

shoulders

i remember

your nervous smile

when we first met

i remember

that flutter

that thrill

of being

in 

love

i dont know

if i can ever

fall

in 

love

again

after i met you

my life

has 

changed

but your gone now

i never got a chance

to say

how 

much

i 

loved

you

but your gone now

no longer by my side

but always

in 

my 

heart

and i know i miss you

and you probably miss me

wherever you are

but i swear

i swear upon the gods

i swear

upon

my

life

i 

will

see

you

again.

no matter how long it takes.

i 

will

see

you

again.

~

uhh yeah there you are!

- the raven girl 

A cracking sound--

And suddenly

There are shards everywhere,

But who is left to pick them up? 

When they fly and twist every which way

As if escaping their tortured full existence,

Some are large and glisten in a dying sun;

Some are fragments too small to be see with naked eyes;

Some are lost-- gone forever,

And only I, who saw the whole deed go down,

Will known where even a fraction

Of those shards now sit,

The room abound 

In broken glass,

Now without a

Single sound. 

Dear Falcon,

Sir,

Are you anything like me?

What have your winged limbs

And soaring eyes 

Ever cried over?

Where didst thou wish to run

When you could simply fly?

Have you ever had a chance to yearn for escape?

However I knew, you, with your unfathomable heights

With all your knowledge and might and sights

Must, too, have something to hide;

Else, why would you tirelessly prowl the skies

Never once sharp eyes searching for a place to reside

Only travelling farther and farther to escape your crumbling lies?

Alas, that is something I understand.

But still I long to be on your side of the sky,

Soaring higher, higher; to simply sprout wings and forever rise.

My English teacher got me into writing poetry recently! We were reading Bronx Masquerade in class and now we are having Poetry Slams kind of like the Open Mike Fridays that they have in the book! I have already written, like . . .  eight (longish) poems. XD Not all of them are polised but yeaah. Most of them are about things I have sruggled with, which is nice because then if I am not feeling great I can match it up to a poem in my head and that makes me feel a bit bteter.

Let's see, they are called Flashlight, I'm Sorry, Ties, Soaked, Numbers, Sketchbook, Trapped, and Lone Wolf. Hmmr, still gotta do one about ADHD . . . anyways, I might post some of them! 

My first poem. It's about how I have aways felt like everyone else knew their way around the world, i.e. how to make friends. I think I found the perfect metaphor which could connect to a lot of different parts of my life.

---

Flashlight

Everyone else

Was handed a flashlight

By the instructor

I never got to hear

Her voice 

Was drowned out

By the wind

Surrounding my ears

Before it cleared

Their flashlights clicked on

Leaving me in

The dark

Then we were told

To explore the strange world

Filled with invisible

Obstacles, stark

They found 

Each other with their

Flashlight beams

With ease

I was alone,

Without a light,

To find the others

Or help them find me

I couldn’t

Differentiate between

The shades gray and grey

To them black and white

I stumbled

Into mountains

I hadn’t known were there

In a confused flight 

I asked 

For a flashlight

They handed it

To me

But before too long

It was taken back

By its owner

For neither of us could see

So please

Help me meet up with you

Find me

With your flashlight beam

And hand me your flashlight

Don’t take it away

I don’t want to be alone

In the dark

---

My latest poem. 

---

Trapped

I am trapped in the binds of self-hate

My arms are wrapped tight around my knees

All I can do is bang my head against the gate 

Which blocks my way to be free.

I get asked why I’m sorry, I say “because I’m bad”

I am so trapped I can’t even see

The path, right there, that I wish I just had

To the place where I can be free

I here my own echoes resounding from the walls

That say “I’m bad, there is no key”

I wish I knew they were wrong, after all

I need that key to be free

My logical mind is put to rest

The tears are too much, same with the screams

I’m overcome with my hateful stress

Blocking my way to be free

chronicling my life from the first day of kindergarten to right now. it's not super detailed, because how could a lifetime fit into eleven stanzas? anyways, i'm quite proud of this one :)

animations (complicated)

i. kindergarten, twenty-fourteen, about to turn six

new school new kids new teachers, life just got twice as complicated, but

i made a few friends, fell in love with the words and the swing set-

it was almost like flying but i was too scared to spread my wings and jump

ii. first grade, i was six, soon-to-be-seven

i kept to my friends, everyone else kept to theirs

i watched from afar and kept swinging

back-and-forth, back-and-forth

almost flying but still too scared to let go, still too scared for something new

and almost imperceptibly, life got a little bit more complicated

iii. second grade, twenty-sixteen and

the president was elected, things felt real

and real complicated, too, but little did i know

every time i argued and laughed i was really saying 

to all the people who already knew

(and the ones who didn’t)

i love you, and thank you for being my friend

iv. third grade, no more arguing every single day during recess, life’s looking up

things are feeling less complicated but little nine-year-old me

stuck in my own head and reality, things probably just got more complicated

because life wasn’t just dissolving in the words and almost flying, anymore

v. fourth grade, i thought i knew everything about the world

and i thought i knew how to deal with life and all its tricks and games, but

i think i ended up being wrong because i spent most of that year

feeling guilty about myself and my choices and my privilege

i cried at the end of the year because i didn’t want to leave, school

was my second home, had been since the first year i’d been there

vi. fifth grade, ten years old, new campus new people new teachers new me

life just got a whole lot more complicated

but i made a few new friends and (somehow) managed to keep the old ones

thought i fell in love and i hated it, so i

denied it to myself and everyone i knew, everything’s fine

became a whole lot more awkward but still no insecurities

and the world was still a whole lot less complicated than it could be-

not that i realized it

vii. sixth grade, twenty-twenty, new president once again

and i was old enough to understand the election, this time

global pandemic, what’s new? i drove myself crazy this year and 

now i’ve got a lot more insecurities and a lot less friends, that’s okay

got over myself and my short-lived secret-stressful so-called

“romance”, made another friend and

fell in love with music and poetry and words all over again

learned how to navigate the internet and suffocated inside myself

viii. twenty-twenty-one and let’s review

soon to be vaccinated and soon to be thirteen

soon to be a middle schooler in a new school, with

new people new campus new teachers new me

still in love with the music and the words and the swingset

still too scared to fly

and still just an animation, an uncomplicated existence

naïve and still a little bit innocent

realized i’ve got a whole lot more people who care about me than i thought

and living a happy ending, but who’s to say it’ll last?

ix. after all, life just gets more complicated, and

someday we won’t just be animations. 

~~

about the title: i'm not sure whether to call this "animations" or "complicated", if anyone has a preference i'd love to hear your thoughts. on the actual poem as well, obviously.