Places to Chat
I need to
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
I need to
I need to vent. I don’t have anyone else to really talk to right now, so here is all I have. It won’t hurt my feelings if everyone ignores this; I just need to get it all out of my head.
I have anxiety. I know that now. I hate it. I hate the feeling of beeing scared to leave the house. I hate the feeling of closing my eyes to sleep just because I know something’s there. It’s not even a specific something; it’s just there. I’m taking medications, but I hate them too. They make me sick, emotionally and physically. I feel like I’m going to throw up every time I take them. I hate that I have to take a stupid pill every day just to be stupidly normal. I don’t even know what normal is at this point.
I can’t sleep. Sometimes just the idea of closing my eyes and leaving myself vulnerable terrifies me to the point of staying up all night. Sometimes my brain just doesn’t stop; it just keeps going. Sometimes it’s a physical thing and I just can’t fall asleep. The meds for sleeping though make me emotionless and yet somehow manage to make the anxiety worse. Then again, if I don’t take them and actually sleep, the anxiety’s worse anyway.
I have one person other than my parents in my life that i can trust to talk to without a screen protecting me. He still doesn’t understand. He tries, but he could never understand. Not truly.
I feel fake. Every time I’m on here, I always feel pressure to make sure I don’t hurt or offend anyone. It’s not as bad as in real life, but it’s still horrible. I feel like every time I post or say something that I’m bothering people. I feel like every time I talk that I’m bothering people.
I’ve tried a therapist, I’ve tried multiple, and I’ve tried the meds. I’ve tried helplines or whatever you want to call them. Nothing ever changes. Nothing helps. Nothing ever freaking stops.
I’m sorry. I just needed to get it out. It hurts too much.
Keep talking and trying. Think of good things, things you enjoy doing. Never give up. You can get through this.
Admn
submitted by don’t guess. , age please.
(October 21, 2018 - 1:59 am)
(October 21, 2018 - 1:59 am)
In the dark it comes.
And in the shadows stays.
Bring more light. It's better now, you say.
But don't you see?
The light creates the shadows.
The only way for there to be no shade
is if everything is gone.
And you know what everything
means to me.
*wanders awkwardly behind Viola?*
I wish I could be there with you. Give you actual hugs instead of virtual ones. As it stands, I'll still attach cat pictures.
You can ignore this if you want. All of this, of course, but especially this next part.
Does the anxiety ever lessen if you're with your parents? I know you said it's never, but I'm asking because I'm a lot less comfortable going out in public when I'm alone. Somehow it feels like our flaws and strengths become shared. It sort of works with objects, too. If I'm carrying something, I feel like I'm going somewhere and/or doing something. And if I have a stuffed animal that I set to be facing behind me, I feel guarded.
Look up positive psychology if you don't know about it already. I imagine you would know better than me if it could help you.
We're here for you, love. And I don't know about anyone else, but I like being bothered now and then. Keep writing. Don't ever stop going. You can do it. It's amazing what you can do these days.
(October 22, 2018 - 7:51 am)
Wow, thank you for the poem. it was really good :)
Thank you :)
I mean, sorta? A lot of times they make it worse unintentionally. They still don’t get how hard it is to force myself to talk when I’m in a bad state of anxiety. But it is definitely better to be out in public with someone I know and trust than to not. I definitely do the stuffed animal thing, and that seems to help in certain areas.
Huh, I’m not exactly sure what positive psychology is, but i’ll certainly give it a try.
Thank you again so very much. It truly means a great deal to me.
[and the cat is absolutely adorable!]
(October 22, 2018 - 11:15 am)
T-thank you...
You're welcome! I'm so glad I could do something.
Do you think you'd be able to fall asleep more easily if your parents or someone you trusted were in the room? Or if you had a pile of stuffed animals keeping watch (as I do)?
[You're welcome! Here's another.]
(October 25, 2018 - 7:00 am)
It kind of depends who it would be. My parents would probably make it worse [not that it’d be their fault or anything.], but I seem to be slightly better with a friend. Obviously, I cant exactly sleep in the same room with a friend all the time, especially seeing as I no longer have any irl friends who are, according to my parents, acceptable to have a sleepover with [meaning females.] I do, however, have a “guard” of stuffed animals to watch over me. They’re more of a way to get a slight smile on my face more than anything, though.
[awwww!! thank you again! now i want a kitten lol.]
(October 25, 2018 - 2:58 pm)
Wow. I’m really sorry. *hugs* I have anxiety, too, sometimes, but not that severe, and it’s gotten a lot better as I get older. But I know the feeling of being so scared you start shaking and you feel like you can’t move. I know the feeling of being afraid to go to sleep. And it’s awful. I’m really sorry you have to go through this. But remember, no matter how hard it may seem at the moment, things will get better. Think about things that make you happy, do things that make you happy. Like a. b. said, not thinking about it can also be helpful. And talk to someone you trust. Anyone, just get it out. Even if all you can do at first is talk about it to yourself (trust me, it does help). And whatever you do, don’t give up. We’re always here if you need to vent. I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. I’m praying for you (and sending virtual puppies). <3
(October 22, 2018 - 8:19 am)
I’m sorry you have to struggle with it to. I would never wish it on anyone. Thank you :)
(October 22, 2018 - 11:17 am)
I'll be praying for you!
If you don't want me to then just say so. :)
(October 22, 2018 - 10:40 am)
Thank you :) I always appreciate prayers. God’s help is one of the only reasons I’ve gotten through thus far.
(October 22, 2018 - 4:33 pm)
I do often feel like something's there when I turn out my light. Do you take melotonin? That may help. Also, a lot of people struggle with this. You're not the only one. I hope this helped :).
(October 22, 2018 - 6:01 pm)
Melatonin’s been the only thing that helps me sleep, but it makes the anxiety worse, and dampers the rest of my emotions. Thank you :)
(October 22, 2018 - 8:26 pm)
We're here for you, sibling. :) (Sorry if that smiley was inaproppriate, I just thought it sounded kind of funny to say sibling. AaAhhh but I totally mean it, we are here for you and also now I feel like I sound nonbinary-phobic, which I'm not, and ahhh but anyway.)
I also have anxiety, but like AW, it's not as bad as yours. But it always really terrifies me to feel scared. However, also like AW, I've always ended up getting through it. Which I can never remember when it's happening, and even when I can, it doesn't help. But it's true. You can always get through it. Something that helps me is to distract myself with cozy books and funny videos (although if I watch too many it kinda backfires and feels bad). I also do a ton of extracurriculars to have stuff other than anxiety to think about.
I'm really sorry it's so tough for you.
And about the pill, while I don't take meds, I think of it as more of a medicine like any other, and it doesn't mean you need it to be normal, it's more like you need it to feel better.
Sorry I don't really have advice, but
(October 22, 2018 - 5:35 pm)
Honestly, your calling me “sibling” made me smile :) Don’t worry, you don’t sound nb-phobic whatsoever.
I’m sorry you have to deal with anxiety as well. Funny videos do seem to help sometimes, especially ones with puppies. Or cats for that matter.
Yeah, I’ve been trying to see it like that. It’s just hard to think that I’m relying on a pill to not feel terrified most of the time. I’m working on it though.
Thank you very much for your note; it means a lot :)
(October 22, 2018 - 8:30 pm)
Remember. You are amazing, you are loved, and you can always. Always. Always. Talk to us. I don't have anxiety, but... have you ever heard Secret For The Mad? I get/That I don't/Get it/But I would burn my way through and not regret it
Also, try getting a pet. I used to have crazy mood swings. not in the comical teenager way but in a serious way, and having small animals to cuddle always helped. Hamsters tend not to judge you.
(October 22, 2018 - 6:25 pm)
I have; I listen to it quite often, actually. Dodie is one of my inspirations. That song is one of my favorites, and I will be surprised if it ever loses that title.
I have a dog, and he is really helpful sometimes. I was on “vacation” a little while ago and had an anxiety attack/disassociation spell, and he was great to lay my head on and pet him to help ground myself a bit, along with various mental exercises. Aw, hamsters are adorable :)
(October 22, 2018 - 9:11 pm)
Can I ask this one thing...
Do you have an outlet? I doesn't matter if you're good or bad at whatever it is, just that you feel like you can effectively express your emotions through it. An outlet can be singing, dancing, drawing, writing, and a number of other things. don't guess, it is both negative and positive energy that needs to be let out. If you don't have an outlet, I suggest you find one. A lot of people find instraments to be good outlets, if you don't know where to start.
My heart is with you, and out of my heart comes sincere prayers for you. And hey, since singing is my outlet, I recommend the song God hath not promised. Look it up on YouTube or something, it has really helped to pick me up and remind me that the Lord only gives us as much as we can bear. He knows you can get through this.
But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.
(October 23, 2018 - 7:53 am)