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Chatterbox: Down to Earth
I need to
I need to vent. I don’t have anyone else to really talk to right now, so here is all I have. It won’t hurt my feelings if everyone ignores this; I just need to get it all out of my head.
I have anxiety. I know that now. I hate it. I hate the feeling of beeing scared to leave the house. I hate the feeling of closing my eyes to sleep just because I know something’s there. It’s not even a specific something; it’s just there. I’m taking medications, but I hate them too. They make me sick, emotionally and physically. I feel like I’m going to throw up every time I take them. I hate that I have to take a stupid pill every day just to be stupidly normal. I don’t even know what normal is at this point.
I can’t sleep. Sometimes just the idea of closing my eyes and leaving myself vulnerable terrifies me to the point of staying up all night. Sometimes my brain just doesn’t stop; it just keeps going. Sometimes it’s a physical thing and I just can’t fall asleep. The meds for sleeping though make me emotionless and yet somehow manage to make the anxiety worse. Then again, if I don’t take them and actually sleep, the anxiety’s worse anyway.
I have one person other than my parents in my life that i can trust to talk to without a screen protecting me. He still doesn’t understand. He tries, but he could never understand. Not truly.
I feel fake. Every time I’m on here, I always feel pressure to make sure I don’t hurt or offend anyone. It’s not as bad as in real life, but it’s still horrible. I feel like every time I post or say something that I’m bothering people. I feel like every time I talk that I’m bothering people.
I’ve tried a therapist, I’ve tried multiple, and I’ve tried the meds. I’ve tried helplines or whatever you want to call them. Nothing ever changes. Nothing helps. Nothing ever freaking stops.
I’m sorry. I just needed to get it out. It hurts too much.
Keep talking and trying. Think of good things, things you enjoy doing. Never give up. You can get through this.
Admn
submitted by don’t guess. , age please.
(October 21, 2018 - 1:59 am)
(October 21, 2018 - 1:59 am)
*hugs*
*still hugs because I don't know what to say*
*keeps hugging*
Hey, you're gonna be fine, just stop focusing on the negatives. I bet it sucks to have anxiety, but you shouldn't focus on that. Curl up and hug a pillow during hard times. I've had hard times, too, and my life still isn't perfect. No one's is.
The main point is to think about happy things, and to do happy things. 2018 has been the worst year of my life so far, and I've been feeling really down about it. So today I went and I looked through all of my pictures from 2018 and I realized that I actually had an okay year.
The best thing for me is just to forget about what's happening entirely. I, well, I don't want to focus on what stinks about my life, because if I did I would never stop crying. My parents are separated, my mom still can't get over it, my sister and dog are all my responsibility, my-
That's what not to do. Instead, get involved. Use your anger and tears to fuel passion and power. Purposely get a few questions wrong in geo so that failing class can be your biggest problem. Sign up to do things that you love, like student council and after-school activities. I don't know if any of this will help you, but it helps me. When I"m busy with something different, my worries are silly and I feel happy.
I guess I'm kinda just rambling by now, but I really want to help.
*hugs*
(October 21, 2018 - 12:19 pm)
Hey. Thanks. Not thinking of everything and just ignoring it is part of my problem, but I’m glad it works for you. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I hope it gets better for you.
And thanks, Admins. I hope you’re having a good day.
You're welcome. Let us know how you're doing. We care about you.
Admin
(October 21, 2018 - 4:54 pm)
I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I have anxiety too, though not as severe as yours, and while it really sucks, I've gotten through it so far and I have faith that you will too. I'm not sure what to say, I'm really bad at encouraging people. But don't feel like you have to go through this alone. Talk to people you trust. I think the worst thing to do when you're going through anxiety or depression is to just bottle it up and try to deal with it alone. I mean, sure, we all need alone time, but this isn't something you can go through by yourself. And remember, the CB is always here for you.
I hope this helps.
(October 21, 2018 - 8:58 pm)
I’m sorry that you have to struggle with anxiety as well. Thank you for the note. It truly does mean a lot.
(October 21, 2018 - 9:53 pm)
Jeez that sounds tough.
(October 21, 2018 - 5:59 pm)
Yeah, that's not something you can say, darling.
Don't Guess, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can't even imagine dealing with that. Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you, but I hope you can find the strength to keep going. <3
Oh My Gosh, anxiety is a very serious mental condition. It's not something you can just "stop." This is not being overdramatic; this is being unable to control where your thoughts take you. That's why there is treatment and therapy. If you could just stop it, why would medication exist?
(October 21, 2018 - 9:11 pm)
Thank you :) And thanks for saying that to whoever “oh my gosh” was.
(October 21, 2018 - 9:55 pm)
The medication is for people who actually have a mental illness. This person probably doesn’t even have the real thing if the pills dont help.
(October 22, 2018 - 2:41 pm)
. . . Did you even read this person's post? That description is undeniably a case of anxiety.
Medication is not infalliable when it comes to mental disorders - or, sometimes, physical ones. You can't pop a pill and magically be cured. Sometimes medicine will help people; sometimes it won't. Any doctor can tell you that it's not unusual for their prescribed medication to be ineffective.
(October 22, 2018 - 3:54 pm)
Um, I can assure you, that I do have anxiety. The pills haven’t worked yet, correct, but it hasn’t been a few months yet, so we’re not sure if they will or not. Even still, like St. Owl said, [thank you, St., by the way.] pills don’t always work. I suggest you look up more about the topic at hand instead of saying the wrong and potentially hurtful thing again.
(October 23, 2018 - 11:51 pm)
We’re here for you, sister. Hang in there.
(October 21, 2018 - 9:18 pm)
I’m, um, actually not a girl [nor a guy but anyway], but thank you :)
(October 21, 2018 - 9:56 pm)
Oh, sorry! I tend to default to using "sister", regardless of a person's gender, honestly. It somehow has different connotation than "brother".
(October 22, 2018 - 8:16 pm)
It’s totally ok! I can understand that. It’s kinda like, I think of everyone as “pretty,” whereas “handsome“ means something different to me.
(October 23, 2018 - 12:18 am)
Exactly. :)
(October 23, 2018 - 1:39 pm)