Something stirs in the quiet gray:

Brewing, sloshing, churning the fray.

Heavy and thick the presence lurks,

Unsettling young bewildered trees as it silently works.

Suddenly, the geese and fowl are driven away

Cows and horses begin the groan and bray,

For something slithers deep within their bones,

And they know exactly what in that far-off darkness grows.

But the trees, them foolish tree

Know they not what is about to be? 

Fearful, they whinny like frightened cattle

Unaware of the beast they are bound to battle. 

A voice pierces the sticky air,

A spring; clear and sheer and fair,

Rising to them darkening heavens in sweet tune,

Every so softly, coaxing life with but a thin croon.

And indeed to life the air doth spring,

-- A bright light, then crisp crack does ring -- 

The heavens -- at last, torn -- release their arduous burden

And thus the rain is loosed, much to Earth's chagrin. 

Smattering down, it clings to her surface, 

Easing the tension that had made the world so nervous.

An aching deep within my chest,

Born of promises made unwillingly,

Your word-crafted daggers pointed to my heart

As you beg me, plead with me

"Promise." 

But I can't. 

I can't lose you. Not after all we've been through.

"Don't wait. Don't try to find me. Promise me.

Please."

With a gulp, the deal is signed under your burning eyes

And with that promise

Something inside shatters,

Splinters embedding into my internal organs and chest cavity,

A space that never before felt so hollow. 

I am broken,

And you are gone.

We are over,

forever. 

I told you don't go

But you went anyway

And left me here

Alone

I told you stay here

But you left the next day

I just want you to come home

If I can't make you stay

The stars won't either

If you keep running away

I'll have to too

I'll never forgive it

If you leave me now 

So don't go

Don't go 

Down I spiral --

Deep deep down.

Down so far no light can escape,

Much less the gloomy me.

How did I get here? you ask,

Did someone push me?

Did I fall ?

But truth is I walked myself down this path. 

Yes, I did this to myself. 

The reason why isn't mine to say

But sprinting down a steep slow soon lets you tumble 

Flipping, plummeting, out of control

And left to the mercy of kinetics and gravity.

Well then, why on Earth would I do such a thing? 

Why when it causes me so much grief and pain? 

I don't know.

I guess it's because I deserve it.

I deserve to drown in a foolish mistake.

Deserve to break my back for all the thoughts

the stayed just that -- stuck in my head 'til I'm dead,

Rolling and rumbling with each move I make

Like living marbles of guilt and shame. 

For being useless, a failure for so long. 

For never being normal or fitting in.

Getting getting tired, annoyed and sick.

For breaking down when I should've been a solid chick.

I'm sorry I could never be those things.

So long, it's all

for a reason.

I deserve to suffer for these sins. 

~~~~~

Fun fact: Originally, the literal meaning of the word "sin" meant "straying from perfect," specifically with the connotation of a target, where getting a bullseye would be perfect, and anything less would be considered "sinning."

it's been raining for over a year now.

sometimes it's a light sprinkle, 

othertimes it's a storm, 

but it hasn't ever fully stopped. 

I found a raincoat in the back of my closet, 

and realized that a hood can be a pretty nice shield.

I grabbed my old rainboots, too,

the green and pink striped ones that are just small enough to squish my toes. 

they helped, 

but boots and a coat can only protect you so much. 

after a while I started giving in. 

I switched my boots out for my faded converse, 

my coat for a thin t-shirt. 

if it wasn't going to stop, 

then wasn't any effort just futile in the end?

my two braids hung limply, 

dripping water down my back, 

but I couldn't find it in me to care. 

then,

you came along.

you saw my storm, 

my soaked converse, 

my sodden hair, 

and you offered me an umbrella.

"an umbrella,"

you said, 

"can only help you so much, 

but everyone must start somewhere, 

right?"