this one is kinda weird.

OF TWO MINDS

I can never decide

Between yes or no

To your question

You asked me long ago.

I want to say no

But I can’t choose

Because I don’t really know

Which I will lose.

I also want to say yes

To what you asked

But I have no way

To decide which answer will be unmasked

Your question still draws me in

Whispering to me that I must answer

But I can’t decide still

The answer is not written on a white banner

The question remains

Forever unanswered

I hope that one day

It will no longer be that way.

The question was

“Will you jump with me?”

I said nothing

So you jumped alone

Assuming I said no.

But I was thinking

Now I can’t answer you.

what it is we're doing

we write because we need an outlet

somewhere to funnel all the emotions & thoughts we don’t know what to do with

we write because we need to process:

process this broken world they left us with, and we write to get away from it all

maybe it’s cowardice or maybe it’s our secret superpower.

it’s subjective: you and me don’t think the same

yet we are a we. we did not ask for this

yet here we are.

we are of two minds, on this and more, because we are

two too many people to share one voice

we war. we fight & we bleed & we die

all the while pouring an endless stream of words into an endless empty void

(it’s never enough to finally fill, but then if it filled we

would have lost our inspiration. never type another word

in this ugly font onto this ugly document in a collection of beautiful things

they never really existed, just figments of our imagination)

we are of two minds,

on whether something so horrible could be this beautiful

on whether beauty means anything at all.

we are the optimist and the cynic at war

not quite opposites, but almost there.

we are a child, full of self-importance and our ostensibly infinite knowledge yet

we are old, ancient & weathered & we know our insignificance.

we did not ask for this.

we write because we did not ask for this;

because we were thrown into the deep with a deteriorating boat of innocence

expected to learn to swim. we write because

we are at war with ourselves

because we are such infinitely convoluted things.

we write to live. 

~~

title inspired by from an Amanda Gorman poem, "Ship's Manifest". She writes "Waiting to remember exactly / What it is we're supposed to be doing. // & what exactly are we supposed to be doing?" In many ways this is a very "Ship's Manifest" inspired poem, hah. Amanda Gorman writes from "we", not "I", and I have never written from "we", so I tried it. Fitting for the theme of "of two minds".

1/22/22

i remember those summers.

they were bright ad bold and they felt neverending, like the sun would stay put in the sky just so our laughter would never die.

they felt like wet sand and sunburns; smelled like sunscreen and troubles sizzling on the sidewalk; tasted like ice cream and a child's victory.

i remember who i was then. i loved to explore my mind and the world. i wanted to run beneath the watchful sun and do a million things. i loved how happy you were because i'd never even consider breaking a rule or your heart.

"you've grown up," you say, but i swear you see the same person. you say it's normal to change, but did you want me to?

"be yourself," you say, and i am afraid. should i let you perceive me the way you want, or should i take your advice?

"be proud of who you are," you say, because you're expecting an illusion that i still hold up.

yes, mom, i remember those summers. i was so clueless then. 

i want my summers back. 

TOP! I can't believe the poetry contest is no longer on the front page . . . 

I'm definitely not qualified to be a judge of such poetry, but I'll do my best. :)

First, Honorable Mentions (in no particular order):

Jaybells

I love the imagery in this, especially "One has blue eyes/Fair as the sky to which her thoughts flee;/The other troubled, with salt they burn/With seawater, thrash and churn." You made it rhyme, too! That's always a bonus. And the whole poem is relatable where you might not expect it to be. :) 

Pancake

The general feeling of indecisiveness/helplessness is really well expressed, & I love the rhythm... And the revealing of the question at the end is quite the twist. Like Jaybells, I like that you gave the audience the choice to interpret for themselves. That fluidity goes well with the indecisive feel of the poem.

WordSong

This is a really interesting & relatable take - I think lots of us aspire to be kind/loving people who get things done, but instead find ourselves living the same self-centered days on repeat... I also love the way the lines are broken up, especially in the last stanza, and the way there's a bit of hope at the end, although there's still that underlying helplessness. Well done!

Third Place: Wreeboo

I just love this poem so much - the no-caps stylization, the way each stanza begins with the repitition of "a [blank]'s passed"... And especially the way the physical pencil connects to/symbolizes the emotions that the poem deals with. The closure at the end is really good, too. The poem starts off uncertain and sad, but ends on a happier-but-still-wistful note, which is, in my amateur opinion, one of the best ways to end a poem. 

Second Place: Luminescence

This is beautiful. The imagery is so powerful, and I love all the opposites shown here, too: "maybe it's cowardice or maybe it's our secret superpower", "we are the optimist and the cynic at war", "we are a child [...]/we are old". It's so fitting for the theme... I never would have thought of it. And the last line hits so hard: "we write to live". This poem is just so true. 

First Place: Luna-Starr 

I love the way this poem begins and ends in such a simple but powerful way, and how the lines in between are so full of imagery, especially: "i remember who i was then. i loved to explore my mind and the world. i wanted to run beneath the watchful sun and do a million things. i loved how happy you were because i'd never even conside breaking a rule or your heart." I've said it about many of these poems, and I'll say it again: This is so relatable.

to Luna: you won!

to Spellbound: if Luna isn't regularly checking the CB (bc ik that they aren't here much) could you tell them that they won? assuming you're actually siblings and i'm not mixing people up pft

So sorry about that! thanks to spellbound for reminding me to give the prompt, I would have forgotten otherwise. 

The prompt is "behind me", due in 2 weeks from now (Wednesday the 16th).