Day 20

No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don’t read is often as important as what you do read. Alas, our dear friend Mag Fan found this out the hard way when she didn’t read the little sign that said, “Danger: Faulty Toaster. Do not put anything in it under risk of electric shock.”

Alice: Who wants toast for breakfast- oh. It looks like someone was here first.

Madeline: Toasted bread or toasted Mag Fan?

Maggie: If it’s all the same with you, I’d rather have pancakes.

Ellie: Say! Does anyone want to join my a capella club?

Nina: We’re having clubs now?

Ellie: Why not? It gives us something to do besides skiing and killing each other.

BHR: I plan to instigate a zombie apocalypse survival club!

Moss: Come on. We’re not going to have a real zombie apocalypse. We’d all die too quickly, you see?

BHR: You never know, a girl can dream. 

Teresa: How about a cooking club?

Melody: Did someone say cooking?

Teresa: Melody, singing is so much more your style! When I see you, the first word to pop into my head is “song”. You could be the star of the a cappella club. That’s a field you have so much talent in. Besides, challenge all the old gender stereotypes and try something new!

Melody: My dear, I was born to grab gender stereotypes, lock 'em in a headlock, and give them the biggest noogie they’ve ever had in their entire lives. Look out, singing world, here comes the Disney diva!

Ivy: Nice save, Teresa. 

The three clubs met later that afternoon.

Kyra Kave:

Melody: All right, girls, I’m going to be taking charge here and-

Ellie: Hey, I was the one who suggested this club. Why can’t I be in charge?

Melody: You don’t have enough swag.

Ellie: What?

Melody: And the first song we will be doing will be “Whistle Stop” from the movie Robin Hood: Home of the Frolicking Foxes. 

BHR Bunker:

General BHR: Listen up, soldiers! The zombies may break out any day now and we have to be prepared! To begin, salute and say “Yes, ma’am!” if you understand!

Lieutenant Maggie: Yes, ma’am!

Private Alice: Yes, ma’am!

Private Moss: How come Maggie gets to be Lieutenant and I don’t?

General BHR: Insubordination! We can’t have that! That’ll get us killed or worse! Continue, soldiers!

Suicide Squad JLM: PASTAAA~!

General BHR: We’re going to have to send you back to basic training, soldier!

The Kitchen:

Teresa: The first secret to succesful cooking is to make food that suits your audience. Today, our audience is going to be Samus and we’re trying to come up with a succesful substitute to Cesar dog food.

FQ: That means we can’t make cupcakes? What a shame.

Red: Someday I’m going to take you out, FantasyQuill.

FQ: What, as if the first dragon wasn’t enough?

Red: Someday, I’m going to take you out again..

Kyra Kave:

Bookbug: Hey, isn’t this the hamster dance song?

Nina: Hamster dance time!

Ellie: What happened to a cappella? I thought we could start on a simple “Tiptoe through the Tulips”.

Bounty: Everything’s more fun with the hamster dance, Ellie!

BHR Bunker:

General BHR: Now, the first way thing you must learn is how to identify a zombie when you run across them! Zombies walk slowly, want to eat your brains, and their faces look dead.

Private Alice: I think I saw one the other morning in the bathroom!

Lieutenant Maggie: Was it singing?

Private Alice: Yes.

Lieutenant Maggie: Then that was Melody. 

General BHR: That brings up an interesting point, Private! They may be around us, always watching, always waiting . . . first, we’ll gear up! Private Alice, carry the food rations! Lieutenant, the water! Suicide Squad, the weapons! Private Moss, the toilet paper!

Private Moss: Why do I have to carry the toilet paper?

Lieutenant Maggie: That’s what you get for insubordination.

General BHR: Change of plan, Suicide Squad has fallen in battle. Private Alice, you’ll take the weapons. Give your load to Private Moss.

Kitchen:

Teresa: Our first task is to select the ingredients. Because dogs like a lot of meat in their diet, we’ll be chopping up this large, dead animal.

Ivy: Oh gosh, Teresa, the smell! What did you do to it?

Teresa: I found it in the freezer and decided to let it come to room temp for easier cutting!

Kyra Kave:

Bookbug: Let’s take this Hamster Dance show on the road!

Ellie: Our first tour: the Hallway!

BHR Bunker:

General BHR: We’re leaving this Bunker to attack in three!

Kyra Kave: 

Nina: Get ready on two!

BHR Bunker:

General BHR: One!

Hallway:

Bounty: Hello, Ski Lodge, and welcome to-

General BHR: ATTAAAAAACK!

Ellie: Ahhh!

Private Alice: Retreat! Retreat! We’ve attacked civillians!

Private Moss: Is everyone okay?

Melody: You gave me a heart attack, but I’m fine otherwise. What’s the army get-up for?

General BHR: Zombies, Melody, zombies! We heard of some in the area and wanted to eradicate 'em! Wait- what’s that groaning noise?

Kitchen:

Madeline: Ewww, this is really gross!

Red: Look, FantasyQuill, I found the brain!

FQ: You’re so disgusting and immature.

Red: Look, braains, braaaaains!

Hallway:

Lieutenant Maggie: I can hear them in the kitchen! Those are definitly zombies.

Nina: They must have eaten everyone! The poor people who stayed in the kitchen are all lost.

Private Alice: No beating around the bush. We’ve got to get rid of this threat once and for all.

General BHR: Women, you did good work. I *sniff sniff* am going to miss you. If I fall in battle, I’ll see you on the other side. And we’re going through these kitchen doors at a one, a two, a-

Kitchen:

General BHR: THREE!

Teresa: Ahhh! Invasion!

Lieutenant Maggie: Zombies! Where are they?

Madeline: What? Zombies?

Ellie: That’s the only thing that explains the smell!

Ivy: The cow is a zombie! Guys, you had better get rid of it!

Private Alice: FLAMETHROWER, GO!

And thus the zombie cow (not really) was defeated and the kitchen destroyed yet again. You cruel people.

Rest in peace, Mag Fan. Rest in peace.

Today is dedicated to famous and recently deceased actor (although it seems to be all about ice cream).

Day 21

In the midst of life comes death. This is an old proverb but old proverbs sometimes come true and today was no exception. Ellie passed away while performing one of her favorite activites, playing the game of Life. Her fellow player had made lunch for the two of them earlier, but while Ellie’s partner partook of Agaricus bisporus, Ellie had the more deadly but still pleasant-tasting Amanita phalloides.

Madeline: Did she take my ice cream as well? It’s disappeared again.

Maggie: We could hold a seance to ask her.

A few minutes later:

Bookbug: This is absolutely ridiculous. Why are we trying to call the ghosts up when they come and go from their free will anyway?

BHR: When else would we get an excuse to combine incense, candles, and shawls to create the biggest fire-hazard we can?

Nina: Ellllieeee. Elllliiieeee. We’re caaaaliiinggg youuuu.

FQ: I think we may need to offer some kind of sacrifice. You know, an incentive to come.

Teresa: I still have more of that cow from yesterday!

Ivy: Oh please no. 

Blue Fairy’s Ghost: Yo, Ellie. You’ve got a call from the alive folks. Better go answer.

Ellie’s Ghost: Excuse me, I did not die to be bossed around by you alive people. Just because you’re alive, you think that gives you the right to call me up at any time of day! The nerve of you people! I’m going to sign a petition to ban everyone from living.

Alice: If this murderer does their job well, you won’t have to go through with that petition.

Madeline: I just wanted to know if you ate my ice cream.

Ellie’s Ghost: No! I bet Red did it.

Red: Aw, come on! Eat someone’s ice cream once and everyone thinks you’re a regular confectionary felon! Murder a couple once and everyone starts watching their backs the moment I enter the room! I blame this on someone else, like...

Bounty: Like who?

Red: Eeenie meenie miney mo, catch a CBer by a toe, if she kills you, let her go, eenie meenie miney mo, Melody!

Madeline: Melody, you ate my ice cream! Now, I’m going to make you my personal indentured servant.

Melody: Meh. What if I don’t want to be your servant?

Teresa: Oooh, Melody~ guess who has more of the cow leeeeeft~?

A few hours later:

Melody: Ms. Madeline, ma’am, what will your pleasure be? Let me take your order, jot it down? You ain’t never had a friend like me. Life is your restaurant and I’m your maitre’d, come on whisper what it is you want; you ain’t never had a friend like me!

Madeline: A little to the left with that foot massage, please, then you can help JLM set the table for dinner before the dear hurts herself- *crash!* well, too late...

Melody: Psst, guys, help me out of here!

Alice: Sorry, Melody, I’ve heard that you’ve done some pretty bad things. Maybe this will straighten you out.

Melody: Are you talking about that time I put Red in a headlock in the swimming pool and dunked him under repeatedly, because if so, he totally deserved that.

Ivy: I think she was talking about the whole murdering thing, but that works too...

Madeline: Hey! Get back to work! Chop chop!

Moss: Why don’t we find the real culprit instead of just blaming Melody?

Melody: See! I like that kind of thinking!

BHolmesR: Alas, I have lost my sidekick so this detective team has gone out of commission...

Red: You’ve forgotten that you have a videogamer in your midst! With this handy-dandy camera, I can take pictures of the past!

(That’s one of the coolest things in the game The World Ends With You -- one of your characters, Joshua, has a phone camera which can take pictures of a location at any point in time. Sadly, I don’t think you get to use this any more than twice, and one of the times is a really pointless (but kind of hilarious) sidequest where a bunch of your winged enemies, the Reapers, have lost their winged microphone and task you to find it so they can play music again. But I digress.)

Red: So, if we go back six hours, we can see who ate the blue moon ice cream... *click* And it is...

Everyone: The Admin??!!

Back at the Admin HQ, an underground Batcave where the good people of Carus Publishing check Facebook, play Candy Crush, eat M and Ms, and somewhere along the way publish a magazine:

Admin 1: Bwahaha! So you snuck in and ate their ice cream because you didn’t want to wait for next year?

Admin 2: It’s not fair that they get ice cream every day for doing nothing while all I get is a salary for working hard!

Rest in peace, Ellie. Rest in peace.

Dear Silveny,

Wweeeeeelll, things have taken an unexpected turn. Captain Read is dead. AND SO IS ELLIE!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TERRORIZE HER IF SHE'S IN THE AFTERLIFE?! *sniffle sniffle*

Oh well, but anyways, I GOT TO BE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE GENERAL!!!! (Seriously, T.O.N., you have made my life by doing that. Thank you.) IT WAS SO FREAKING FUN!!! Hehehehe! I'm really praying we get an actual apocalypse now. 

Now who would have expected the Admins to be ice cream thief? (This is just confirming what I want my future career to be.)

I'm going to go look for new heart attack victims. Maybe Red. Yes Red would be fun to chase with a sword. 

Also, wonderful dedication, T.O.N. I cried when I heard, and this was quite well written. Lovely.

Day 22

In the land of Ingary, where such things as seven-league boots and cloaks of invisiblity really exist, it is quite a misfortune to be born the eldest of three. Even on Earth, where such things as high-speed internet and working printers with ink really exist except the night before a school project is due, being born the eldest of three is no picnic. And that’s exactly what our eldest chatterboxer did today.

The garden had burst into bloom again and it was the best day for lunch outdoors, the other chatterboxer had said. Remembering S.E.’s death, the other skiers had gone off to do just that and had left Melody with a warning to not touch the ice cream or else Madeline would have a personal indentured servant again. She didn’t need ice cream to enjoy today, there was warm sunshine, beautiful flowers, a good friend for company, and all the food they could pack into a picnic basket -- hot dogs, coleslaw, sandwiches, apples, Oreos, grape juice, crackers, tuna salad, and water bottles. It was a perfect afternoon. The two shared jokes and laughed, reminisced about old adventures, and ate their way through most of the picnic basket. A few hours after the picnic began, Melody lay back on the picnic blanket and stared up at the sky. It had been such a pleasant afternoon and now it was moving into a cool evening. “Look,” she trailed her arm in the air, “there’s a shooting star. Want to make a wish?” Her breath suddenly cut out in a gasp as she felt a knife sliding between her ribs. Oh, she thought sadly, I really shouldn’t have come out alone, should I? Trying to force some last air into her lungs, she began a song. “Now I’m here blinking in the starlight, now I’m here suddenly I see. Standing here, it’s all so clear, I’m where I’m meant to be. And at last I see the light, and it’s like the fog has lifted. And at last I see the light, and it’s like the sky is new, and it’s warm and real and bright. And the world has... somehow shifted. All at once... everything looks... different, now that... I.... see... you....” The murderer stood over the dead girl for a few more moments before softly adding, “All those days chasing down a daydream, all those years living in a blur, all that time never truly seeing things they way they were. Now she’s here shining in the starlight, now she’s here suddenly I know, if she’s here it’s crystal clear, I’m where I’m meant to go.” The murderer turned and walked into the dark lodge.

JLM: Somebody has been using my knives!

BHR: Ah, sorry, that may have been me. You know how it is. This one is too long, this one is too short, this one is juuust right.

Ivy: And what, pray tell, have you been using them for?

BHR: Making sandwiches of course! The Almighty Bob has decreed me to be the Sandwich-Maker!

Moss: Lucky! All I am is the Fashionable-Tin-Hat-Maker!

Madeline: Lucky! All I am is the Person-Whose-Ice-Cream-Gets-Stolen-Every-Two-Pages!

Red: Lucky! All I am is the Boy-Who-Is-Not-Able-To-Satisfactorily-Explain-What-A-Hrung-Is-Nor-Why-It-Should-Choose-To-Collapse-On-Betelgeuse-Seven!

JLM: Yes, yes, that’s all very well and good, but one of you has been using my knives for something other than making sandwiches or tin hats or those other things.

Nina: Does this have to do with the disappearance of Melody, perhaps?

Teresa: She’s dead? Hallelujah, I can stop paying therapy bills! Woo-hoo! No more “Mother Knows Best” or “Poor Unfortunate Souls”!

Maggie: Teresa, I’m disinclined to believe your celebration at someone’s death is entirely healthy.

Blue Fairy’s Ghost: Please, Maggie. Have you seen the celebrations I do on the rare chances that my sister dies first? They put this one to shame.

JLM: Whoever it was needs to clean my knives before putting them back in the knife block, thank you very much!

Bookbug: Eh, put a sock in it, JLM. Or maybe a knife.

Alice: Will do!

Bounty: So, Red, what exactly is a Hrung and why does it collapse on Betelgeuse 7?

FQ: And while you’re at, satisfactorily explain why there was the note “The Cow Lives!” under my door last night when I came back from the shower.

Rest in peace, Melody. Rest in peace.

Well, Welcome to the Ghost World, Melody. Care to help me taunt the living?

No, but seriously. I guess we're in this together now and we're ghosts and that's that. At the very least we can be glad that we don't have to stay here for 101 days before we can officially leave. *hint hint reference reference wink wink*

Now I don't know about any of you other ghost pals, but Imma gonna go taunt some zombie now! They can't hurt me now but I can them :D

Later all you living pickles!

Violet, OUT