WHAT???

WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I was hiring bodyguards!!!! Admin, did you delete that bit? OH NO!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

If only I had gotten those guards in time, but nooooooooooooooo. no nonononononononononononono

And the food tasted horrible!!!

Well, maybe ghosts can travel through time.

They can! I am now talking to Arthur Conan Doyle. He is telling me that Sherlock Holmes is just a story you idiot

But maybe I can travel to a universe where Sherlock Holmes does exist! And I can, so...

Mr. Holmes is saying that he'll be perfectly willing to help deduce who the murderer is. So now maybe I can bend time and space to transport him from his universe to ours, in the exact correct point in our universe's timeline and dimensional axis...

Success!

No. Never mind. My ghostly powers were in the end of no use, as the instant that Holmes appeared outside the ski lodge he was shot by an unseen assassin.

Whatever. Now I shall have to haunt the ski lodge until I can be resurrected for the next mystery.

After I'm dead, can I still comment on the episodes? 

Ellie's book of ski lodge feelings: Day 8

OK. This is the third time I have tried to write this entry. I keep getting rudely interrupted by BHR's arrows she is firing at me and the hole in the kitchen ceiling. I think someone's going to die just because of her new hobby. She can be so despicible sometimes!

I didn't have much dinner. In fact, I didn't have dinner at all, only dessert. It was nice to finally eat huckleberries. That was defintely the weirdest restaurant ever. Who names an Italian bistro Carl and lets it magically transport itself?! That hippie waiter, that's who. People are weird.

Weird enough to leave butcher knives lying around. Poor Joe. People really need to keep an eye on their things! I think I saw it coming, though. I mean, we had Jack and John go. It was obvious any boy whose name starts with 'J' was gonna go.

Well, someone finally wants to play Life. I hope Madeline is okay with using the app. It's so much easier. Hopefully BHR doesn't crack my screen with an arrow! Maybe I'll let her play Minecraft and aim some arrows there.

Ellie 

Day 9

One minute it was Ohio winter, with doors closed, windows locked, the panes blind with frost, icicles fringing every roof, children skiing on slopes, housewives lumbering like great black bears in their furs along the icy streets. The next minute , Max was awake and it was summer, with doors closed, windows locked, the panes blind with frost, icicles fringing every roof, children soon to be skiing on slopes, and housewives firmly and irrevocably elsewhere.

Max: I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Theo.

Theo: ... Wha? Imma sleep... *snore*

Today is not just any day. No, today is Maggie’s Fall Out Boy concert day. Maggie is a girl with a mission. Operation: Get to the Fall Out Boy concert or die trying. 

Madeline:: ... Uh, Maggie? The only way out is by skiing, and it’s too far for that. The road’s blocked and we don’t have a car anyway. I don’t think anyone can drive in the first place!

Blue Fairy: I’ll lend you my driving slave sister for a day if you want, Maggie. But that still presents the problem of having no car.

Zach: I can call the snow plows if you guys want.

FQ: Why didn’t we do that earlier before everybody started dying?

Ivy: That’s too plausible, FantasyQuill.

Zach found the snow plowing company (guys, I’ve only seen snow once in my life and not in my area, so I have no idea how this works) in the phone book and began to call.

Secretary: .... Hellloooo?

Zach: Hi, we’re stranded up at the old ski lodge and we’re wondering if the snow plows can come up here?

Secretary: Likeeee, whattt is the naaaammmee of this ski loddgggeee?

Zach: Uhhh... *Hey guys, does anyone know what this place’s name or address is?*

Everyone: *shrugs*

Zach: You know! The big ski lodge, top of the hill! Mountains nearby! Volcanoes! Alien unicorns! Giant rabbit that demolishes the forest here regularly!

Secretary: Siiiirrrr, isss this some kind of prrraaaannnkkkk?

Zach: It’s not a prank! Come on, it’s the weird ski lodge! Doesn’t everyone around here know about it?

Secretary: IIIII’m going to have to put you on hooooollld, siiiirrrrr.

Zach: ... I’m loving this jazz music they have. 

Maggie: If the snowplows can’t get through, how can I make it to my concert?!

JLM: Oh, you should try snowboarding! I have a giant snowboard that has room for two. I’ll take you down the mountain myself.

Maggie: Thanks, Jem Loui- whoa, that’s not a snowboard.

Mag Fan: All right, who’s bright idea was it to give her a giant knife?

Ellie: I don’t know, Maggie, that doesn’t look very safe to me.

Zach: ♪　Wake up, leave your hesitation. Wake up, time for us to realize. Wake up, show appreciation. Wake up, time for us to realize. Caaallliiing, someone is caaaallliiing. ♪ Oh, hi, Red.

Red: Nice dance with the phone. Care if I join?

Ellie: ... Why are the boys dancing with the phone?

Teresa: Never question the power of catchy hold music.

Maggie: Agggh, I’ve got to get out of here!

Violet: Oh hey look, the cake people are here.

Agent E.W.: Cake people? Nay, we are not mere cake people! Allow us to give you a presentation!

Nina: Oooh, a Powerpoint.

Assassins R Us are a team of two formed in the January of 2012. They claim to be professionals, or as Agent Alpaca-chan puts it, “Basically, we just like stabbing stuff.” Multiple times has JLM fell before their mighty blades and BHR, Melody, and Red know Agent E.W. all too well. They claim to have a 100% success rate, despite the fact that every person they have been hired to take out is still alive (well, JLM will be tomorrow). They have yet to take out the mysterious man known as “#4” despite having the mission since their founding and sharing multiple classes with the nefarious boy. This is, of course, very hush-hush.

Maggie: Yeah, yeah, great. You’re a bunch of failed hitmen-

Agent E.W.: I say!

Maggie: -but you somehow manage to make it up here every couple of days, so can you take me down with you?

Agent Alpaca-chan: Sorry, we only have two carrilemmingbou. 

Maggie: Good, then you can stay here and chat with BHR while I go down!

Agent Alpaca-chan: ... Hey, what’s that over there?

In the ensuing fracas, the two assassins managed to escape. 

Alice: Got away safely!

Secretary: ... Heeeeelllooo?

Zach: Oh, thank you! Yes, I’m calling for the snow plows to come up here and get the snow away from this ski lodge.

Secretary: Liiikkee, doooess thiiis ski lodge have a naaamme?

Zach: For Pete’s sake!

BHR: Oh, Maggie, why can’t you use the snowmobile?

Maggie: We have a snowmobile?

BHR: When I explored the lodge last year to find rare items, I found one in a broom closet! Come on, I’ll show you where it is!

With the help of Watermelon and Bounty, the girls were able to extricate a snowmobile from a closet at least a third of the size of the damaged craft.

Watermelon: ... Snowmobiles aren’t quite supposed to look like that, are they?

Bounty: We could call the repairman except Zach is still on the phone and we’re still snowed in.

Maggie: No time. This will have to do.

Moss: Hey, you guys found it? Wait, it’s stuck to the closet by a number lock. Nuts! How will we get it out of there? 

Reed: Someone need a lock pick? I’m a champ.

After quickly decoding the lock (2112), Reed helped the others pull the rest of the snowmobile out of the closet. The noise drew the rest of the ski lodgers.

WW: Whoah! It has rocket thrusters! Epic!

Bookbug: It’s named the Rocinante, it says.

S.E.: Forget that, look at the whistling purple herring someone nailed to the wall!

Blu: Hey, guys, could help me with Melody? She’s downstairs in a fit of ecstacy over the ski plow.

Downstairs.

Melody: The window is open, so’s that door! I didn’t know they did that anymore! Who knew we owned a hundred salad plates? For years I’ve roamed and murdered these empty halls, why have a ballroom with no balls? Finally, they’re opening up the path! There will be actual real live people (not ghosts), it will be totally strange! Why am I so ready for this change?

Upstairs.

Maggie: No time for that! I’ve got to go! *snaps on aviator goggles* Hasta la vista, baby!

Teresa: No! Not in here! ... Well, too late.

S.E.: Mamma Mia. Those rocket thrusters really work.

Watermelon: Who’s going to pay for the broken window and wall?

Reed: Nose goes!

Alice: *sneezes* Hey, it’s cold in here! That’s why I’m sneezing!

Red: Watch out for black holes!

WW: ... What?

Zach: FINALLY! I’M OFF HOLD AGAIN!

Secretary: ... Heeellloooo?

Zach: AGGH!

Supposedly it is possible to die from being put on hold too long.

Rest in peace, Zach L. Rest in peace.

Dear... Journal,

How Zach died from being on hold too long still escapes me. Perhaps he got cardiac arrest from yelling at the secretary too powerfully. I did overhear her while Zack was talking, and she did sound painfully, oh, how shall I put this... naieve? Unknowing?

Anyways, my suspicion is growing each and every day. Why is everyone passing away? I don't like it, not one bit.

I'm sorry, Ellie, I did have a very fun time playing Life with you last night, but I'm in quite a predicament. Want to escape this place with me? Don't tell anyone else. Let's leave. We'll make a tunnel through the snow--a tunnel to freedom! Let's get out of this madhouse! I'm never coming back, either! 

Did you replace the song I suggested with another one because you didn't want to have to deal with another mushy one?  If so, I'm going to apologize right now.  When I ran out of songs, I looked for more on a CD I made for my boyfriend.

~Moss's Day 8

That Italian bistro sure was weird. I ordered spaghetti three times, since the waiter wasn't listening. Or should I say, disappearing. There wasn't even spaghetti on the menu, but it was supposed to be an Italian bistro. But I guess it wasn't. I didn't even get my spaghetti, just a carved fruit display of Darkwing Duck. Melody instantly took it but refused to eat it. I'm afraid it will rot soon enough... 

And yet another has died. Joe, Stickfiddler of many things. It truly is a shame there was butcher knife left out. And, as I think Madeline pointed out, every boy with a 'J' has been dying. This might be a coincidence- then again, coincidences are suspicious. 

~Moss's Day 9

Snow has come out of absolutely nowhere. Well, I guess the sky. *shrugs* You never know, it could've come from the ground. This ski lodge defies the laws of physics and logic so anything is possible. Even Zach dying from a hold on the phone. It was very sudden and unexpected, and we shall miss him. I wonder who will die next... 

(*hears Fall Out Boy music from distant concert* I think I hear Maggie screaming. Maybe she got an autograph by them. That would be pretty darned neat!)

Cappie says zeuz. Zeus? So close by one letter, Cappie. So close. 

Violets day 9. 

Well, atleastif the window is broken we can get out and use an OLD FASHIONED SHOVEL!!! 

Im going to get the one I packed. Don't ask why. I pack random stuff. I think it was a garden club prize? I don't remember.  Anyway…

5 min later.  HEY! WHO LOCKED MY DOOR!!! Who said they were a lock picker? Ohhh R-eeeeeeddddd! 

Day 10

If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other thread. I’m afraid that this story is a tale of woe, and before the end, someone else will be dead. If you prefer RPs about happy little elves or superheroes, I suggest you take yourselves elsewhere and spare yourselves from the pain and tragedy about to unfold.

In other news, Maggie somehow made it back last night, alive and full of wonderful memories of her concert, but the snowmobile was another story entirely. The poor thing seemed to be on its last legs, so the ski lodgers gave a funeral for the Rocinante and then left it out in the snow. If the staff wished to fix it, they could do it on their own time, because this was one group of kids who were not going to give a hoot about it.

Melody: But speaking of hoots... Casey Junior’s coming down the track, coming down the track. With a smoky stack, hear him puffing, coming round the hill. Casey’s here to thrill every Jack and Jill.

Blu: Melody hit her head on the ceiling yesterday while trying to do an “Anna Jump” and this is all I’ve been able to get out of her afterwards.

Ivy: The poor dear.

Melody: I like trains!

In other news, WritingWarrior stepped out of the lodge to get a breath of fresh air and was beaned over the head with a snow shovel. Alas, our dear Warrior has fallen out of battle, and not even with a pen in hand.

S.E.: So, Violet. How ‘bout them snow shovels?

Violet: Oh, come on! I had nothing to do with it!

FQ: Hmm, should we examine the snowshovel for fingerprints?

Teresa: I don’t think any of us have fingerprinting materials.

BHR: Maybe not. But this sounds like a case for- *dun dun dunna!*- Private Eye, BHolmesR!

Theo: And Theo Watson!

BHolmesR: The first step is to look for clues!

Katie: Hey- you can’t read my diary!

Theo Watson: It’s important evidence!

Katie: Hands off! Here, go read Red’s or something!

Red: Hey hey hey, that’s mine, thank you. Hand it back over.

Theo Watson: How are we supposed to investigate if we can’t read their diaries?

BHolmesR: Oh, I saw enough incriminating evidence there. So tell me, Red. Who is this... Helga you speak of?

Red: That’s a great question, BHR! Oh wow, this is really going to be goo-

Red... I will tell everyone in the publishing industry everything I know about you, starting from when you were four years old...

Red: Sorry, BHR, my lips are sealed!

Reed: Oh, I’ve got fingerprinting powder! I can find out who killed her!

Bounty: Oops. Sorry, we kind of already touched it and picked it up...

Mag Fan: We were trying to investigate it for clues.

Reed: Raise your hand if you didn’t touch the shovel already!

Max: Wow, only me? Good job, guys. You all ruined the investigation.

Fortunatly, another investigation about the untimely demise of a certain “Sir Jem Louise Margaret III” was solved rather quickly.

Ellie: All right! Tell me you did it! I can see in your eyes that guilty look! Don’t you dare lie to me! You can’t hide the guilt from me, I can smell it on you!

Alice: You better tell Ellie, Watermelon. You don’t want to see Ellie mad. Ellie’s like a rampaging frieght train when she’s mad.

Melody: I like trains!

Madeline: Good grief.

Alice: I’m just trying to work with you, Watermelon.

Watermelon: I told you I did it three times all ready! What more could you want?

Rest in peace, WritingWarrior. Rest in peace.