Wow, this is cool and a great idea! You're an amazing writer, and the first paragraph is especially well done. But it seemed to me that the dialogue was a bit rushed and hard to follow. That's all.

:)

Thanks, i'm glad you like it Spiffycat! 

Khai says kybu. Khai boo? You don't scare me, Khai. Wait, you got booed? Poor thing.

TOP 

Ooh, I like it!

TOP

Khai says tvrc. TV rocks! 

Chapter one: Alkethi, pt 1.

Alkethi ran through the forest, barely registering the mist that covered the ground, the debris hanging from the trees. She tripped, but quickly caught herself and kept running. Violent thrashing and pounding echoed from the woods behind her, slowly giving way to silence. Through the silence came a rasping breath, hissing roughly, too close to her. She tried to run faster, but her feet would not move. They had frozen to the ground. A body slammed into her, knocking her to the ground. Rough, broken nails scraped her cheek. Yield.

  Alkethi sprang out of her bed, automatically grabbing her blaster from where it hung on the bedpost, and pointed it at the wall, before realizing that she had woken up. Just a bad dream. She thought. Just a nightmare. A soft glow illuminated her room, and she realized that it was almost dawn. The bands of crystal that went around the walls of the bedrooms emitted light at the same pace as the light outside. Since she lived in a cave with no windows, it was the only way for Alkethi to tell time. She didn’t even have a clock. “Dawn,” she murmured. “No more sleep then.” But it was still too early to do anything. Alkethi opened her door quietly, and headed down the hallway-cave she emerged into, passing other doors every so often. Behind each of these, she  knew, were other trainees, still sleeping before the light woke them up. She unconsciously muttered the names carved into the doors as she passed them. “Scail, Valenir, Raeklen, Kouthek, Dahknahm.” She lingered at Sparrowhawk’s door before moving on. Unlike most, their leader insisted on having the exact same living quarters for every person that lived in the enormous cave network, except for one. Daene was a mer-man, and, though he could take on legs when necessary, he preferred to sleep in an underground lake. This was where Alkethi was headed. When she reached the end of the hallway, she came into a small, low-ceilinged room with a few other pathways branching off of it. A substantial fireplace lit the room and provided a cozy feel, despite the lack of furniture. Each doorway had a colored arch over it, telling where it went. All of the arches were dark blue, signifying bedroom hallways, except for one, directly across from Alkethi, that was gold. It led to the central cavern, where all of the pathways converged, and where all ranks met to talk, lounge, and basically enjoy life.

  If there was anything to enjoy, with Kreagle breathing down our necks all the time, she thought grumblingly. Sparrowhawk’s archenemy was always managing to lure them out, and then she and her army would massacre them. They lost more warriors almost every day, and the healers always had their hands full. Alkethi shook her head to dislodge the thoughts, and headed through the gold doorway. The short hallway was dimly lit, but she knew it well enough to pass through with no more than a fingertip against the wall. Ducking through the arch at the end, she emerged into the central cavern. She paused in awe, for though she had lived here for several months, the beauty of this room never ceased to amaze her. The high ceiling was patterned with small crystals, forming a sky full of stars, and in the center of the cavern there was a single, towering crystal, lighting the room. A large pond, filled with crystal-clear water glimmered in the corner. She knew that there was a passageway of water under the floor that led to the larger lake, so that Daene could easily get from there to the central cavern. It was still dim there, but it was barely dawn. Soon the crystal’s light would swell until it was as bright as day. Alkethi looked around the edge of the cavern, at the numerous colored arches circling it. White for first aid, red for training, the dark blue arch she had just come through that led to the bedrooms, and-- there. She crossed the cavern, skirting the couches that surrounded the central crystal, and stood under the silver arch. The one that led to the lake. And Daene.

Chapter one, pt two: Alkethi

She shivered pleasantly, as she always did at the prospect of seeing her friend again, though she didn’t know why. She never experienced this strange thrill for any of her other friends, but as usual, she shook loose the thoughts and walked through the doorway. This passageway was lit by Daene’s power. Alkethi had heard the story, of how, soon after his arrival, the mer-man had come through the passageway and created glowing patterns on the wall, mirroring the reflection of water on a smooth surface. Alkethi couldn't help it, she sat down on the floor, crossing her legs, and gazed with admiration at the patterns that Daene--her friend--had created. After several minutes, though, she stood back up and continued along the awesome passage. When she reached the end, she stopped. 

   It's been too long. 

   The wide expanse of blue water in front of her was lit from the inside, glowing as if it had a life of its own. There were crystals once again, patterning the ceiling, but in lieu of the flaming white crystals of the central cavern, these were light blue. 

Chapter One pt. four I think

 Alkethi stared at him, confused and a little hurt, waiting for his expression to change, but it didn't and after a brief stare-down, he turned and splashed back down into the water. She rose to her feet and walked slowly back the way she came, entering her room and closing the door quietly behind her. The light emitting from the crystal was much brighter now, and Alkethi could see that dawn was long gone-- noon was approaching. 

   Why is no one up? She realized now that no sound had come from any of the passages as she had passed through them, and the central cavern, normally filled with trainees, had been empty. 

   Why?

   She didn’t know how to answer her own question, so she went out into the hall, and, pressing her ear against each of the doors in turn, listened carefully for sounds of trainees waking. Nothing. There was no sound behind any of the doors. She paused longer at each one, straining to hear something, but there was no sound. She reached Sparrowhawk’s door and paused.

   Scuffling.

   Sounds of scuffling and muffled thumps came from behind the door, the unmistakable indicator of a fight. Alkethi quietly pulled out her blaster, and set a hand to the doorknob. She listened for a moment more, to be sure she was really hearing a fight, and then charged.

Chapter Two pt. one: N'dat

Chapter two: N’dat

“Duck, jab, swing, feint left, roll right-- your other right! C’mon, N’dat, don't tell me you don't know your right from your left!”

   “Okay,” panted N’dat, “I won't tell you.” He was getting tired of following the orders of the sleek reptilian trainer, Lask. Lask was relentless, always pushing N’dat to his limits, and he never gave him a break. 

   “Don't tell me that either, smarty!” he was yelling now, and the sound right in front of N’dat’s face almost burst his eardrums. He backed up, grimacing.

   Lask and N’dat were almost exactly alike. Both of them had scales covering their entire bodies, clawed hands, and reptilian tails. The only differences were that Lask’s scales were dull brown, while N’dat’s were glittering scarlet, and N’dat had dragon’s wings. He beat them now, hard, into Lask’s face, and rose up into the air, flying towards the ceiling of the training cave.

   “Hey!” Lask yelled, “flying is cheating!”

   “Maybe during training,” he called back, “but if you were in a battle, and you had wings, wouldn't you fly too?”

   “NO!” 

   “Suit yourself.” He muttered, clinging to one of the many stalactites dotting the ceiling.

   Lask roared in fury. “I'm reporting you to Kreagle!” he shrieked.

   “Good luck with that!” N’dat yelled back. “She’ll never listen to you!” Kreagle always refused to believe he would do anything out of place, even if he did. She liked to call him, “her little demon”. He didn't like it, but he knew better than to cross Kreagle, the ringleader of Khratchska, the dark side of Lyminuthkri. 

Chapter Two pt. two: N'dat

Lyminuthkri was the island that they lived on, light and dark sides constantly warring with each other. Myria, the light side, was on the opposite side of the island, and Sparrowhawk and her fighters resided there. Kreagle was constantly training her fighters for battle with the Myrians, even though most of them couldn't possibly get better at fighting. She had also begun to train some of them as spies, but only the ones who proved themselves best in battle. N’dat had been training for months, hoping Kreagle would pick him for a fight squad, and then he could try for spy training, even though he wasn't sure how they were supposed to infiltrate Sparrowhawk’s base when the Myrians had seen them, had fought them before. Still--

   “N’dat!” someone called. “Kreagle wants to speak with you!”

   “Coming!” he yelled back, dropping down to the ground where Streesk, a froglike demon, was waiting for him. “What did you say?”

   “Kreagle wants to speak with you!” he squeaked again.

   “Alright, where?”

   “Great Hall!” Streesk skittered away before N’dat could question him further, probably afraid he would hit him. Streesk was only ranked messenger, and N’dat ranked far above him. He would never hit a lower ranked Khratchskan, but he couldn't tell anyone that, so Streesk had run. 

   N’dat sighed and turned down the tunnel leading to the Great Hall. stalactites hung from the ceiling, and a dim red light seemed to emanate from the walls, providing an eerie atmosphere. N’dat had never liked it, but Kreagle did.