Places to Chat
I'm writing a
Chatterbox: Inkwell
I'm writing a
I'm writing a novel, and i wanted y'all's opinions on it. This is the prologue. I just pasted it on here, soooo... i forgot what i was going to say. SO. Without further ado, the Sparrowhawk Chronicles, book one: New Alliances, Prologue.
Prologue
A breeze rustled through the branches of a tall willow tree, leaning over the roof of a little cabin. The curtains of a window swished as the breeze stole inside. It swirled, and if a breeze could look uncertain, this one did, until a beam of moonlight bent and illuminated the wooden crib in the corner. The breeze rustled over, and hovered above the sleeping form of the infant nestled there. The breeze whistled a bit, and a shimmering bubble appeared, picturing the infant. Light skin. The shadow of a smile. A golden fuzz covering her head. The baby girl’s eyes opened, and the image in the bubble mirrored her action, revealing startlingly blue irises, and a focused, almost stern gaze. The bubble moved up and down, as if nodding, and drifted closer to the baby, but suddenly dissipated as the sound of a shutter clattering open echoed through the cabin. A dark cloud sailed into the room and up to the crib, almost seeming to study the little girl, who had fallen back asleep. The cloud copied the breeze’s actions, the only differences being the cloud treated it like a ritual, and seemed to be disgusted by the child’s presence, whereas the breeze had been pleased. The cloud sank down towards the baby, and her eyes blinked open, and she let out a startled shriek. The cloud swished back, sailing straight through a chair in it's haste to leave the cabin as the little girl’s mother came in and picked her up, quietly shushing her.
The cloud flew above the trees, finally slowing down as it neared a small hollow. It swished up to a dark figure and hissed, barely forming the ghost of a sentence. “I found the child.”
“Did you kill it?” The question came sharply, accusing. The cloud flinched.
“No, she sensed me.”
“I thought you told me she didn't have any power yet!”
“She doesn't-”
“Then how did she sense you?”
“She’s just a bit perceptive-”
“Perceptive doesn't sense a cloud, Fluffy!”
Fluffy swirled, frustrated. “I hate that name. Why couldn't it have been Doom, or Evil Destroyer Of Future Enemies? EDOFE has a nice ring to it, don't you think?”
“IDIOT!!!” Fluffy flinched at the cry. “I’ll kill her myself,” muttered the shadowy creature, unfurling a pair of leathery batwings, and shooting towards the cabin.
The little girl had just fallen asleep. Her mother bent to lay her down in the crib, then straightened, humming slightly. Thunder rumbled. A brief flash of lightning lit the room, revealing the stiff form near the wall, framed by large wings. The child’s mother continued singing softly, oblivious to the creature’s presence. It advanced. A pair of dark hazel eyes glittered with malice. It blinked, and they were no longer hazel, instead a fiery red color spread over its eyes. Distinct yellow streaks seemed to stream from the black cat’s-eye pupils flicking back and forth, examining the room. Two snakelike fangs glinted between parted lips. Despite the demonic features, the creature closely resembled a woman. A hiss escaped her lips, and the mother turned around, eyes wide with terror. The woman’s sword shone scarlet before it plunged into the mother’s chest. Blood bloomed over her dress, and she crumpled to the floor. The woman stepped over the corpse, and looked into the crib. Her sword had somehow vanished. She reached towards the child, but before she could grasp the girl, a white arrow whistled by her face and imbedded itself in the wall. A second arrow pierced her arm, and she shrieked with fury. Ripping it free, she turned to the place that the arrows had come from. Her voice trembled with anger. “Who dares to shoot me?”
A silvery voice trilled from the shadows.“One who doesn't want the star child killed.”
“You just want the prophecy to be fulfilled.” The woman hissed back. “You're too scared to face me directly.”
A second voice joined the first. “We are trying to stop the prophecy, Kreagle. No one should have the responsibility that it tells of, but killing the star child isn't the way to stop it.”
Kreagle rolled her eyes. “Are you daft, Maple? The only way to stop a prophecy is to kill the one it speaks of.”
“We don't want the star child to be killed.” Said the first voice firmly, but Maple sighed.
“Perhaps, Alder, she may be right?”
Alder’s voice sharpened with surprise. “Surely you don't agree with her, Maple?”
Kreagle stamped her foot against the floor, not unlike a small child, angry at not getting her way. “Enough of this nonsense. Show yourselves, and we can talk through this like reasonable people.” Something in her voice suggested she meant anything but reasonable, and Alder knew it.
“We shouldn't-” she tried to say, but Maple interrupted her.
“Very well.” She said brightly, and stepped out of the shadows. Alder followed reluctantly. Kreagle studied the two. Alder and Maple appeared human, but they both had luminous white skin, dragonfly wings, and their eyes were completely white, without a glint of another color. Alder stepped forward.
“Now, we really need to take the star child and-” Her sentence was cut short as Kreagle lunged in front of her, cutting her off from the crib. The demon-woman’s voice had changed to a guttural growl.
“You're not going anywhere with that child!”
Alder’s blank eyes widened, but she didn't seem surprised. Maple nocked an arrow and pointed it at Kreagle.
“You said we’d talk about it, not fight about it!”
Alder dodged Kreagle and ran to the crib, picking up the girl, who had woken up and was watching the three with fascination. Kreagle hissed at her, and her sword appeared out of nowhere, swinging down toward Alder’s head. Alder sidestepped the blow, but her foot slipped in a pool of blood left from the mother’s slaughter, and she sat down heavily, the child still clasped to her chest. The sword shimmered red as Kreagle leaned down. Her fangs glimmered in the moonlight.
“Thanks for the present.” Kreagle hissed mockingly, and she slipped the sword cleanly between Alder’s ribs. Alder gasped, and she bent over, digging her fingernails into the child’s arm. Her eyes began to glow. Kreagle staggered back.
“What is she doing?”
Maple stared at Alder’s shaking figure. It had begun to glow brightly, and almost disappeared. “When a faery dies-”
“Faery?”
“Yes. when a faery dies, they need a vessel to contain their powers. It’s not supposed to be a person, but there's nothing else to use. The star child is accepting Alder’s powers.”
Kreagle glared at Maple for a moment, then turned and leaped through the window. Maple continued watching as the glow faded. Alder had vanished. The baby girl was still laying on the floor, but when Maple picked her up, the air bent around her, and misty wings formed, slowly solidifying until a pair of white feathered wings curved around the child’s body. She blinked up at Maple, and her eyes were completely blue, with white cats-eye pupils. She chirped, then let out a piercing shriek that echoed through the cabin. Maple looked at her closely.
“You're a little sparrow-hawk. A… Sparrowhawk.”
The newly named Sparrowhawk giggled, and Maple looked towards the window.
“I'm taking you to my house. You'll be safer there.” She grasped Sparrowhawk firmly, and flew off above the trees.
I'm open for constructive criticism.
submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 10, 2019 - 8:05 pm)
(June 10, 2019 - 8:05 pm)
Would you perhaps pick this back up again? I've forgotten about it, but found it just now. I really love this story, and I'd love to read more!
(March 14, 2020 - 8:26 am)
Top, please and thank you?
(March 14, 2020 - 6:55 pm)
I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was still reading this! A few things before I post the next bit: I have now finished writing and editing this book, and a few things have been changed, the most confusing will probably be that Myria is now Sathi and Khratchska is now Kroskorth. Let me know if any other sudden changes confuse you, and I'll be happy to explain them, 'kay? Here's the next bit:
She let out a scream as a third dragon crashed into her, sending them both rolling over the hard ground. Sharp edges pricked against her softer belly scales, and her wounded foreleg bent underneath her weight. She writhed in pain, trying to turn her gem-hard back to her adversary. Opening her eyes, she found herself staring into a pair of glowing ice-blue ones, slit down the middle by a fiery white pupil. The left eye was dimmed by a twisted scar running down her face. Kanera gulped. Sparrowhawk herself had come to her ally’s aid.
As Sathi’s leader stepped back, Kanera’s breath quickened, and her confidence seeped almost completely away. Though Sparrowhawk’s draconic form was even smaller than Righteous, she looked strong and dangerous. Her pale aquamarine scales looked hard as diamonds, and locked together, forming a formidable barrier between her skin and Kanera’s claws. Her pale yellow underbelly scales looked softer, but not by much, and her webbed claws seemed sharp as needles, as did the row of hooked black plates that ran from the back of her skull all the way to the tip of her tail. Her only vulnerable places seemed to be her eyes, her delicate yellow-gold wings, and the gills slashed beneath her jaws. Kanera swallowed nervously again, stepping back and unconsciously pushing aside another fighting pair, and made a poor effort to growl and look intimidating, but before she managed even a whimper Sparrowhawk leaped forward.
The smaller dragon barrelled into her with surprising strength, and sent her crashing into the wall. Kanera scrabbled frantically for her opponent’s gills and wings, and felt a small resurgence of hope as she felt her claws nick scale, but it quickly faded as Sparrowhawk threw her off with surprising strength and revealed that she had barely scratched her neck, and had missed the gills and wings completely. Kanera however, had a gash running along her side under her wing. It was shallow, and not terribly long, but it stung like fire.
Sparrowhawk leapt forward again, and skidded under Kanera’s belly, scraping her claws along the length of her body. Kanera flinched back, even though she immediately realized that the scratches were barely bleeding. Sparrowhawk knew she could win if she wanted to, but she was choosing not to, instead flaunting her superior skills.
Kanera growled, trying to summon up the courage to attack as Sparrowhawk stepped back, but she couldn't regain enough confidence to do it. She glanced at half-dead Righteous, and wished she could have finished the little dragon off, and then ran.
Terrified, she ran limping across the cavern, smashing past enemy and ally alike in her rush for the exit. She ducked glowing power-infused weapons, and sailed over two battling wildcats, most likely shapeshifted soldiers. Skidding on the stone floor, she almost crushed Crest, their strike force leader.
(March 15, 2020 - 10:00 am)
'I'm so glad you like it.'
I found, btw. And I just started reading this, but I'm here!
(March 16, 2020 - 12:26 pm)
“Where are you going?” hissed the mer-demon, her words garbled by blood bubbling between her lips.
“I'm-- I'm-- I'm--” Kanera couldn’t seem to force words out of her mouth. She panted, her forked tongue flicking in and out.
“Don't play dumb,” snarled Crest. “I saw you fighting Sparrowhawk. You turned tail and ran like a cowardly faery!”
Kanera hung her head. “I'm sorry, Crest. It won't happen again.”
“Yeah, you're right that it won’t happen again. We’re retreating.”
“What?” Kanera couldn't believe it. From what she had heard, Kroskorthic warriors never retreated. But as she ran with the rest of the strike force when Crest called the order, she realized the mer-demon was right. They never would have beaten Sathi in it’s home base, not without bringing Kreagle herself and half of the entire Kroskorthic army. But Kanera could have done better, even if they couldn't have won. She had had two opponents, and she had run from both of them. Righteous didn't count as an opponent, she was weak. But Kanera still could have been more efficient, and then she would have been open to find better adversaries in the battle, and probably wouldn't even have been found by Sparrowhawk. In any case, she had failed in this battle.
“Come in.” Kreagle had called the original members of the strike force into the Great Hall so she could speak to them and issue punishments, or privileges. Kanera felt she knew which one she would receive.
She had gotten the cut on her side washed out well, and it barely even twinged now. She felt ashamed all over again for retreating with such a shallow wound. Her leg, however, throbbed when she lifted it off the ground, and she could hardly place any weight on it. Looking up at Kreagle nthrough a haze of sudden pain, she tried to listen to what her leader was saying.
“I have heard Crest’s report,” began Kreagle, “and I am prepared to issue punishments, as well as rewards. Droplet,” she continued, addressing the youngest mer-demon. “You fought valiantly against our enemies. That is adequate, considering you were only recently promoted to fighter. You will be rewarded.” She waved Droplet off to the edge of the room. “Skrike,” she continued, now addressing an ugly, muddy-skinned demonic toad. “Skrike, you skulked at the edge of the fight, and drew no blood but your own in an attempt to appear to have fought. You retreated before your general gave the call to. You will be punished.” She nodded to Crest,who drew and hurled a dagger. Skrike fell before Kanera could even flinch in protest.
“Lask,” Kreagle continued, “You demonstrated adequate prowess in battle for a regular trainer, but for one trained as a fighter, you were…….”
Kanera slowly tuned out the murmur of her leader’s voice, trying to think about what punishment she would be given, but the throbbing in her leg distracted her again and again. After a moment, she was suddenly shaken from her thoughts by a screech of pain. Looking up, she saw Conch, the third mer-demon, fall. Kanera raised her head from the bloody form and met N’dat’s eyes across the assembled warriors. He seemed unworried, though slightly queasy, but as he noticed her looking at him, he gave a small blink of sympathy.
“N’dat.” The hybrid snapped back to attention as Kreagle called on him. “You were tested against Sparrowhawk herself. You and Crest could not have won, but you still fought, even when Crest retreated. You fought few opponents, but you fought well. And when your strike force leader gave you an order to retreat, you obeyed without question. You will be rewarded.”
“Yes, Kreagle,” murmured N’dat, making his way to the edge of the room.
“Kanera.”
Kanera jumped, and turned shakily to her leader. “Yes?”
“You were also tested against Sparrowhawk, and you ran. You barely drew blood from her, and you only had a small wound when you retreated without orders. However, you did wound an enemy. You will not be punished severely, but you will not have a reward either. Your punishment will be minor demotion for the time being, until you can prove your worth and work back up.” Kanera sighed in relief, although a small part of her seethed at Kreagle’s description of her leg wound as a “minor injury”. Looking around, she realized that she had been the last one addressed.
(March 17, 2020 - 12:53 pm)