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Try this poem
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Try this poem
Try this poem thing! I wrote apoem sitting in a writing class - homeschoolers have co-ops, in which parents teach classes for a bunch of kids over the school year - anyway, I was just sitting there listening to the teacher talk about a comparative literary analasis essay we're going to write about Frankenstein, and this line pops into my head: "Lost in time from far away." I spun off an interesting poem from that - kind of random, but I'm going to write a story about it, sort of Star Trekky. I want to see what kinds of poem y'all can write with the line "Lost in time from far away" as the first line. This can be really fun - have a set first line and just go. Don't edit too much - I've barely done anything to mine, which I'll post mine in a little bit, only first I want to see what other perspectives people take on it before I bias you with mine. Please give it a try, and have fun!
-Emily
submitted by Emily H., age 13, Sparks, NV
(April 16, 2009 - 11:17 pm)
(April 16, 2009 - 11:17 pm)
Thanks, Megan. I forgot to reread it until it was too late. :(
-EH
(May 7, 2009 - 12:23 pm)
Lost in time from far away
is happiness for Aerylin,
doomed to always wander.
The black-haired girl sits a-top her camel, thinking wistfully,
of the past she had once known.
Once she'd had a family.
Once she'd had a home.
Once she'd been an empress, she'd had an entire world.
But now, she was left with nothing.
Who knows what took it all away?
Not I.
Perhaps her people spurned her as their ruler, and she was banished.
Perhaps she'd feared something, and ran away, wrongly thinking nothing could be worse.
But now, whatever happened, she must wander o'er the desert
forever
trading whatever she could find
for whatever few necessities she could afford - precious little;
what she couldn't, she would have to find on her own somehow, or she would perish.
Her hope, the very last thing that she had held on to,
that she had resolved to keep as long as she lived was gone;
lost in time from far away.
(May 10, 2009 - 4:35 pm)
That's great. I love it, but it sounds almost more like a story that a poem.
(May 11, 2009 - 2:58 pm)
It is great. But though I don't often like critiquing poems because I think it's more a point of view, I'd probably remove "Not I." It sort of takes away from the tone of the poem. Just a suggestion.
Otherwise, it's fantastic, and I love the girl's name. :)
(May 11, 2009 - 3:56 pm)
Great name. I think Ella said it was more like a story, and I agree. Maybe tweaking the line breaks would help. A good idea, though, and it would make a great story.
-EH
(May 11, 2009 - 6:35 pm)
Yes, I second that.
(May 12, 2009 - 6:20 pm)