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Calling all Poets!!~
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Calling all Poets!!~
Calling all Poets!!~
I think we need a thread to discuss and critique each other's poetry, as well as ask questions and learn from each other and other poets! So, to keep this organized, the first person to post a poem that they wrote will post it, and everyone, including me, will discuss and critique it. Please do not just "drop off" a poem to be critiqued, but become a part of the discussion. Once we have all critiqued that poem, then somebody else can post one, but please only when we have completed the discussion. My last poetry critique group died because people were just posting their poems without waiting their turn, and I couldn't keep up with critiquing all of them. So please, let's work together and HAVE FUN! Once in a while, I will post a poem by a poet such as Mary Oliver, Robert Frost or E. E. Cummings, or a question or discussion starter :) Please, if you see this thread and go to post the first poem, make sure that no one else has already commented, whether or not it is posted. Yay! Bring on the poetry! I cannot wait to see your beautiful words :D
submitted by Rose bud, age 12, SC
(June 1, 2015 - 6:01 pm)
(June 1, 2015 - 6:01 pm)
Dragonrider: go ahead and post your poem.
N.B. Please pick only one of your poems to post, and we will critique it.
Thank you!
(June 12, 2015 - 2:17 pm)
TOP!
(June 14, 2015 - 8:17 pm)
BASEBALL
I'm at home plate
I know what to do
I've practiced so much
And this game is almost through
If I strike out
I'll have closed the door
Our team will lose
There's nothing more
STRIKE ONE, STRIKE TWO
The umpire calls
If we were inside
his voice would ring through the halls
Then comes the third pitch
-CRR-AAAAAACK-
And without looking up I run,
And run
And run,
The game is done
And thanks to me..........
We've won!
(June 14, 2015 - 8:20 pm)
Top! Let me get my critique process going and I'll get back to you as soon as I can :)
(June 15, 2015 - 9:03 am)
The phrase "There is nothing more," is a little... off. I know you are trying to rhyme, but maybe you could make the phrase a little more clear. For example, something like "no second chance" would better explain your point.
The lines: "If we were inside
his voice would ring through the halls" are uneeded in this poem. Perhaps you could replace them with some unique desctiption about the umpire's voice. Since the game takes place outside, the description probably should too.
Also, I think that without the second "And run," the poem would flow a little more smoothly.
Great poem Dragonrider!!!
(June 16, 2015 - 9:17 am)
I think I'm going to keep "there's nothing more" because I was thinking that the poem would be about a really important game, so if they lose, they don't move on to the next game and there's "nothing more."
For the if we were inside/his voice would ring throught the halls
I could change it to:
STRIKE ONE, STRIKE TWO,
the umpire yells
his voice is so loud
As loud as huge bells
and I'll take out one of the "And runs."
(June 16, 2015 - 3:47 pm)
What if you said
STRIKE ONE, STRIKE TWO,
the umpire yells
his voice is so loud
Ringing as huge bells, or something like that.
I think the second loud is pretty redundant. But overall, very steady, peppy beat and nice flow and topic! Nice job!
(June 16, 2015 - 7:27 pm)
Thanks so much Rose Bud and OtR! Both for the compliments and the criticism. ( and I mean criticism in a good way)
(June 16, 2015 - 8:00 pm)
Your welcome!
Who wants to post the next poem?
(June 18, 2015 - 9:53 am)