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Calling all Poets!!~
Chatterbox: Inkwell
Calling all Poets!!~
Calling all Poets!!~
I think we need a thread to discuss and critique each other's poetry, as well as ask questions and learn from each other and other poets! So, to keep this organized, the first person to post a poem that they wrote will post it, and everyone, including me, will discuss and critique it. Please do not just "drop off" a poem to be critiqued, but become a part of the discussion. Once we have all critiqued that poem, then somebody else can post one, but please only when we have completed the discussion. My last poetry critique group died because people were just posting their poems without waiting their turn, and I couldn't keep up with critiquing all of them. So please, let's work together and HAVE FUN! Once in a while, I will post a poem by a poet such as Mary Oliver, Robert Frost or E. E. Cummings, or a question or discussion starter :) Please, if you see this thread and go to post the first poem, make sure that no one else has already commented, whether or not it is posted. Yay! Bring on the poetry! I cannot wait to see your beautiful words :D
submitted by Rose bud, age 12, SC
(June 1, 2015 - 6:01 pm)
(June 1, 2015 - 6:01 pm)
Yes, Nora. You can post the poem whenever you are ready!
(June 5, 2015 - 12:20 pm)
Okay, here's my poem! I'm still thinking of a title.
All her life's
always been
just a game of pretend
to dress up
make believe
make them think you're their friend
act it out
every scene
but in just the right way
perfectly
in your role
in the part that you play
one mistake
and you fail
and the true you comes through
there's no choice
secret's out
now it's over for you
all her life's
always been
just a game of pretend
no one knows
it's begun
to fall apart; descend.
(June 5, 2015 - 11:47 am)
Very nice message, and the rhythm is pretty consistant. But I'm not clear if it is supposed to rhyme or not. If it is, you should probably make the rhymes more definite. If it isn't, try to take out the rhymes, because what tends to happen in poetry is that if you have one rhyme in the poem but no others, then people wait for another rhyme to show up, and it never does. Hope this helps!
(June 6, 2015 - 6:54 am)
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(June 7, 2015 - 1:44 pm)
And I hope you do, cause I'm posting kitty-cat poems!
The tiger is hunting:
The light of the moon,
the glow of its eyes,
the only light.
Small prey watch out!
Run away, you are meat today.
Walking, stalking.
A large pounce!
A small gulp.
The mission complete.
Cat and mouse:
I scramble up the wooden chair,
as the rusty-reddish furred beast
opens his great blue gray eye.
Watching and waiting.
I squeak in fright
As I push my small furry body to run as fast as I allow it to go.
Ten feet from the hole.
Five feet.
I feel my heart pounding in my ribs.
When a claw prevents my escape,
And I feel the icy grip of death closing around me.
Fever Dreams
My magnificent tiger friend,
we race through the jungle
as a blur.
But he is weak,
so weak,
before, he could take me any place,
not now.
He leaves this earth.
And then I wake.
"You got knocked out," my dad says.
But then I see.
The lonely claw,
under my pillow.
[I specialize in death poems.]
(June 7, 2015 - 2:55 pm)
I do!
(June 7, 2015 - 2:57 pm)
Who looves kitties?
(June 7, 2015 - 2:58 pm)
N.B., we are still discussing Nora's poem right now. Can you please wait until we have given Nora our input?
(June 7, 2015 - 3:20 pm)
Wonderful rhythm and flow Nora! The line To fall apart; descend Doesn't flow as well as the rest of the poem. I think it is descend that throws the flow off. Can anyone think of any other word that rhymes with "pretend" that would fit here? Or you could keep descend.
As for a title, you could pick something that kind of specifies who you are talking about or what exactly, like a school situation or something.
(June 7, 2015 - 3:51 pm)
What about, this is just and idea. "The End" or "Un-mend"?
(June 7, 2015 - 9:04 pm)
I'd like to post a poem, but I don't know if I'll get a chance. Are we doing N.B.'s poems after Nora's?
(June 8, 2015 - 8:53 pm)
Thanks, guys! Yeah, I was having a bit of trouble with that last line. I'll see if I can think of something. But we can totally do someone else's poem now.
(June 9, 2015 - 11:21 am)
Just one of N. B.'s poems. Three might take to long and we want to give everone a turn :)
(June 9, 2015 - 1:06 pm)
Here's a poem.... - ahem ahem - There once was a pizza named fred, who had a large muffin on his head, he jumped on a frog, turned into a hog, And then he went right to bed. - crickets - HEY COME ON PEOPLE THAT WAS A QUALITY LIMMERIK!
(June 11, 2015 - 9:28 am)
Ah... I see, and what happened to the muffin when Fred turned into a hog?
(June 11, 2015 - 3:11 pm)