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ConfessionsC
Confessions
Confess your deepest secrets here, anonymously, if you'd prefer
I won't judge
submitted by Anonymous, age x, x
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
I really identify with growing apart from your friends. That happened to me when I was in 6th grade, but it did get better eventually, and I now have some really great friends. So that's my first bit of advice for you: it will get better. It will. Especially because we know the pandemic isn't going to last forever, and when it ends, whenever that is, there will be loads of people looking for new friends, and I'm sure we'll all forge new connections.
I also really identify with not being sure if you like hanging out with someone, but not wanting it to end. It's really hard to know if you actually enjoy being friends with someone, or even if you're friends with them at all, since what does "being friends with someone" even mean? What helped me is to not think about it as "do I have friends?" but rather "do I do things with these people that are enjoyable?" If talking to them has become stifling, how about playing games online? Writing something together? Mailing each other letters?
You said that you feel bad for feeling bad, since you know other people have it worse. Here's something to think about... would you feel bad for feeling good, when other people have it better? No? Then why do you feel bad about this? It's not a contest. You can be going through a rough time and struggling with it, even if someone else is going through a "worse" time.
It's really really reasonable to hate your life, even if you're privileged. It's great that you recognize that. I think that's really all you need to do. You can say/think, "Yes, I'm privileged, but I'm still going through a rough time right now."
If it's possible for you, I'd recommend finding someone you can talk to about this irl, whether it's a parent, a school counselor, a friend, a therapist, whatever. They might be able to help you more.
I'm also here if you want to talk. You're welcome to message me on NaNo, if that feels comfortable for you, and if you're on that site. I'm sending you hugs.
(December 28, 2020 - 6:03 pm)
Hi <3 I really relate to this as well. As for friend advice, I don't have much, but i'm here to address the feeling guilty about your privelege, because I've been through that too.
All of us can't control where and when we are born. It's not up to us. We don't choose to be born as priveleged as we are. The kids starving in Yemen, dying in Yemen, they could be us!
But they aren't, and it makes us feel guilty. We didn't do anything to deserve to be born where we were. We didn't do anything to be born when we were. We didn't do anything to deserve the circumstances we were born in.
And yet... we were, and we feel guilty, because why is it them and not us? Why do we have it so much easier than them?
Answer: luck. Pure chance.
So don't feel guilty about the things you can't control. Be aware that not everyone has as much as you, but be aware that you can do things- wonderful things, great things- with your privelege.
It's not about what you deserve, it's about what happened. You can't change where you were born. But you can use that to help people who were less fortunate, if that makes sense. You can't control when and where and the circumstances of your birth. So, focus on the things you can control. You can control what you do with that.
I hope this helped, and I hope that it made sense... but yeah, the gist is, don't feel guilty about what you can't control, use your privelege to help people who don't have it.
Side note:
*screams* Kiwi or ibi said "mybox" literally! It's their first coherent words!
(December 28, 2020 - 7:30 pm)
I have a huge crush on some boy and we've known each other since we were really little and I feel like he likes me too and I want to tell him but since we're already kind-of friends and he's my only friend at all in the whole entire school I'm afraid I'll ruin it if I tell him but...I really want to know whether or not he likes me back! *hides in the closet*
(January 19, 2021 - 3:08 pm)
I think you should try to stay friends for as long as possible. The same thing happened to me, but it kinda crashed when he just ditched me and mh friends so I hate him now, but that has nothing to do with you. You should just try and be friends. I mean, thats just my opinion, and its really your desicion, but I just feel like take advantage of this situation and learn more about him, and then when you feel its time, then you can tellhim. I just really dont want ruined frienships.
(January 27, 2021 - 10:34 am)
I'm not sure if I'm pan or not. I've never had enough friends irl to have had any proper crushes, so all my crushes so far have been on video game characters, but sometimes I find myself liking another girl character. But idk if I was just obsessed with them, or if I actually loved them, I can't remember. Anyway, it's just been bothering me. Idk.
yeah. Don't mind me.
(sits in corner and plays Minecraft)
(January 21, 2021 - 2:05 am)
I don't have any good advice, but I can definitely relate to this. A lot. A lot a lot. Just remember you don't need to label yourself now or ever. And you're valid either way, or if you decide you identify as something else. <33
(January 23, 2021 - 10:53 am)
I have an on-off crush on one of my friends. It's weird because we keep alternating who has a crush on the other, but it never lines up where we both do. Well, I think. Maybe he still does, idk... I don't have any intention of telling him anytime soon though so I can shove it to the back of my mind until when I do. I've got it easier than some of y'all because I know he liked me at some point.
(January 28, 2021 - 3:48 pm)
Oof, I feel you. *hugs* I've had the same situation for at least a year, probably longer.
(January 28, 2021 - 5:42 pm)
I'm such a bad person. I didn't post on any of the rps I joined.
(January 29, 2021 - 11:23 am)
@A person-
I feel you. I have a crush on-
Don't say it.
Say what?
You know what you were going to say. Don't bring it on to the CB.
I wasn't going to say that, Alyssa.
Yes you were.
Anyway, I have a crush on one of my friends, who is dating one of my other friends, and I keep switching between it being platonic and romantic, so I know how weird that can be.
(January 29, 2021 - 1:17 pm)
I need help.
My social life has gone from small-but-relatively-drama-free to what-if-everyone-is-lying-to-me-plus-a-chance-that-it-might-get-even-smaller in less than 24 hours.
Apologies in advance if I am repetitive or say things out of order, this will probably be a ramble.
To back up a bit: my sister and I have the same best friends. Last night, she told me (quite reluctantly) that they (my friends) used to say mean things about me behind my back and get out frustration about me on her.
Before I found this out I had had my worries about not being as close to them as her. I always knew, though, in the back of my mind that they were just little anxieties that I had no proof for and weren't really true. They related to my never-feeing-like-part-of-a-group thing which I might expand on later. I was also feeling jealous that she spent more time with them then me but I knew that was due to my lack of experience expanding my social circle/hanging out with friends.
But now, it's different. I am feeling like I am noticing signs that mean I am not as close to them as they are two each other, like when they say hi or goodbye to my sister but not me.
I never thought that they would say things like that behind my back. According to my sister they don't do that anymore but still, those two have always been so supportive of and kind to me. I am also not the kind of person who really hides anything. That is why it only recently occured to me that my sister could have one off to talk about me with them right after.
I don't know how to deal with this. I don't understand social things (more on that later). Yesterday I worked out with my sister that she would talk about it with them during recess and maybe I could meet them about it afterwards, so I had to give them privacy. Turns out, she didn't have that conversation with them, and she isn't going to. Apparently it "isn't her problem" so I don't know what to so. Confronting them seems like a terrifying option, and how could I do it without them knowing my sister told me? That could competely rip our friendship apart, too. See, they are my only two close(ish) friends and besides them I have exactly one friend who I don't even interact with outside of school. Everyone would be mad at me and each other if I confronted them.
I don't want to just let it be, either. I am insecure enough as it is that everyone might just hate me and find me annoying anyways, and I want to get to the bottom of this. I don't want a friendship to be lies.
Telling someone else is off the table, too, since my sister would FREAK and get super mad at me. So, what do I do?
More on the stuff I said I would get to: my social skills are terrible. I just don't understand that stuff, it doesn't make sense, and there are all the norms and no-nos that everyone always knew existed ecxept for me. I have been without friends before and felt fine but I am not sure I could feel fine about it now. I have never really felt like a part of something, even if I have been in it for years.
So, um . . . yeah. Sorry that got so long, and I know people have it worse then me but . . . does anyone have advice?
(February 4, 2021 - 8:11 pm)
Oh, that's terrible! *hugs*
So, I personally have been in your sister's spot before- and instead of saying it's not my problem I went ahead and dived right into everything which made it worse. So I do think your sister made the right decision. However, I understand that it's *really* hard to confront people (been there, done that as well).
I don't think you should let it lie. Your friends should know that they are in the wrong and that they should apologize. Confronting them will be hard, but I think you should do it. Here are my tips for dealing with drama:
1. Don't sound accusing/aggressive. Start your sentences with I. For example: I felt ____ when I heard _____ happened. NOT: You made me feel ____ when you did ____. For your situation, I'd do something like this: I know this happened a really long time ago, but I just learned that you were talking about me a while ago behind my back. I felt really awful when I heard that. Is there more to the story that I haven't heard?
That way, you aren't saying this:
This happened a really long time ago, but I can't believe you talked about me behind my back! You made me feel awful! etc. etc.
I hope that made sense.
2. I know this has probably been really upsetting for you, but try not to act super upset. If you need a break from the conversation, you can say, "I'm sorry, I think I'm getting a little worked up. Do you mind if I got outside for a second to calm down?" or something like that. Make sure you say it calmly and reasonably even if you feel the opposite. Otherwise, your friends might get defensive and then your conversation will go nowhere.
However, that doesn't mean you should brush it off or say it's no problem- this hurt your feelings, and it's not okay to pretend it never happened. Just don't act like you're never going to forgive them. If this was a while ago, and they stopped doing it, they know what they were doing was wrong- and this will probably be just as stressful for them as it is for you.
3. If part of the blame is rightfully yours (in this case it doesn't sound like that's the case, but for future reference), accept it. You can't be upset about something someone else did and then not own up to something you did, y'know? That's annoying.
I think those are most of my tips for handling confrontation, but if you have any questions I would be happy to answer them with my small repertoire of drama advice.
About your social skills: I can't relate too much to this, so my advice might be horrible. Sorry in advance. But I'll give it a go anyways.
The bottom line is don't offend people. From this comment I can tell that you have a pretty good sense of right and wrong. It helps to get in the practice of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, so you know how not to offend them. Maybe you mean saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? In which case, believe me I understand that. I have no advice if that's the problem- I currently am in need of advice for that.
I don't know exactly what you mean about no-nos and norms, but if you specified I might be able to help.
I hope this was helpful and made sense and isn't just a jumble of disconnected thoughts (I have to go to science class so I can't proofread) but yeah!
(February 8, 2021 - 4:22 pm)
(February 6, 2021 - 4:45 pm)
I thought about being anonymous but i knew you'd recognise my bizzare writing style.
And i've always tried to stay true to who i am. So here's the truth.
I dont know who i am.
I'm not a guy. Or a GIRl. OR EVEN ENBY. I guess i just...Accept all pronouns?
My friends call me he. That's fine by me. But then...There was this lady at the theatre who unfailingly called me miss. And i was totally cool with that. And when people online just use neutral pronouns with me i don't care. This makes me sound easygoing but i'm not. This is frustrating. My identity is important to me so it's scary not to have one.
Second... I like a girls mostly, but i have a crush on a guy so... I guess that's fine. That's a part of my identity but it was so sudden and i hate change.
Anyway. Thanks for listening. And remember that your mind is your own and god loves everyone so don't listen to those who say otherwise. Have a good day.
(February 9, 2021 - 7:49 am)
Have you considered genderfluid? or agender? not that you have to use either, just some suggestions ;)
Remember, whatever you identify as is completely valid. <3
(February 9, 2021 - 10:26 am)