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I'm leaving.
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
I don’t know a better way to phrase this.
If you had asked me three weeks ago whether I would ever leave the CB, I would have said no, never. I would never. But now…well, I don’t know.
I considered just disappearing without letting anyone know, (it’s not as if I post much anyway) but I guess I’m just not that kind of person.
I’m leaving because I need to leave. For a while, at least. I’m not comfortable with the Æ threads and other LGBQT et cetera stuff around right now, and I feel like if I keep seeing it I’ll explode and say something controversial to somebody and it’ll offend someone or other, and start a flame war—it’s all so delicate, isn’t it? I wouldn’t say I’m leaving to protect everyone else. I’m hardly that selfless. And I wouldn’t say you need protecting. But I don’t want to start a war.
And I can’t just avoid those threads because it simply isn’t possible for me.
Or maybe I’m leaving because we haven’t had a war in months and everything’s kind of peaceful and…bland, for me at least, and there’s not a lot for me to do. Maybe I’m also going because not a lot of the people I knew (I don’t use the term “friend” lightly) are gone or don’t post much anymore. I’m not nostalgic right now. I honestly couldn’t tell you what I feel like. Bitter, maybe. Sad. Tired.
Maybe I’m also going because sometimes I feel like I’m just this insignificant little person in the background, sitting in a corner, who has to shout to be heard and who’s not going to
be anyone here, so why even bother.
I’m going to stick around for a few more days to say goodbye, post a bit more. But I’m leaving. I’m leaving until I can’t bear it anymore and I have to come back. Because that’s what this is for me.
This might not be forever. In fact, it’s a hiatus of sorts, if that’s what you wish to call it. I could be back in a few days, or weeks, months, years. Maybe you won’t see me for a long time. But I’ll still be here, possibly. I might hover around without
posting, or maybe I just won’t be able to stand being away and I’ll have to come back in tears. In any case, this is me saying, for now, goodbye.
submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(March 30, 2018 - 2:45 pm)
(March 30, 2018 - 2:45 pm)
Aww, Joan, I'll really miss you, buddy. I love you. *Stands to attention and salutes*
I'll see you around, then. <333
(April 6, 2018 - 2:55 pm)
Oh, Claaws, is this because of me? I was so scared something like this would happen. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make anyone uncomfortable. That's why I asked about it, if it was okay... You didn't say anything. No one said anything. The silence was scary. I keep wondering who knows what about SG and Nymph and whether they're okay with it, and... I'm sorry. I don't know what to do when I don't know who or what is around, so I do what I want, and I can't tell if anyone cares when they don't say anything.
I'm also sorry you feel small and alone and unheard. I know how that is. For me, it was like I started to talk only for its own sake, and then the conversation died down and I was talking only in an effort to get others to talk back, and that doesn't really work. A break is a good solution for that--take some time, quiet down, remember who you are and what you do and why. Remember why you started talking in the first place. Then you can watch out for that in the future, and oh, I think I understand.
You came to a party and joined a conversation, but then people started talking about something you weren't comfortable with, and you didn't know how to politely ask to avoid that, especially because they might've felt uncomfortable not being able to talk about it. So you ended up drifting quietly away, and now you're leaving because you feel like you can't interact and be comfortable. And I brought up the subject... Claaws, I'm sorry. There's no easy way to fix this. I... Sorry. Goodbye. I hope to see you here again.
(April 5, 2018 - 7:41 pm)
Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. It's just that it's all been slowly building up in my mind and things have gotten to a point where I'm too uncomfortable and even if I let people know I wasn't okay with things, there would still be all the LGBQT stuff anyway and it's not for me to complain about, I guess. I don't want to hurt anyone, and 20 people aren't going to stop making gay or transgender or nongender characters/Æs just because I ask them to.
I'll miss you, though, you're so nice and I really love your art. <3
(April 6, 2018 - 2:53 pm)
Thank you. I'm still sorry, but thank you. I'll miss you, too.
(April 7, 2018 - 2:40 pm)
I just want to say that I understand. I left recently as well (or, well, sort of left), for some of the same reasons - not all of them, but some of them. So I understand, and I'm sad about this, but, well, yeah, I get it.
It's really sad that so many people are leaving about now...
(April 8, 2018 - 12:34 pm)
<3
(April 11, 2018 - 10:44 am)
Leafpool, I'm going to miss you so, so much. I've had such a good time writing with you and laughing with you and getting to know you. I'll never forget how much fun I had working on Evernaught City and I'm so proud of all of us for finishing. You say you don't use the term 'friend' lightly. I don't know if I'm amoung those lucky few, but I hope you know that I do consider you as one of my friends. You are a kind, empathic person with a honestly amazing personality and I have no doubt that you will do great things in life. I hope to see you again when you come back, and I hope that you come back soon. I am a better person for having known you and I'm so sad you're going.
(April 8, 2018 - 12:39 pm)
I'll miss you too, Cockleburr. Thank you so much for your words, it means a lot to me. I already miss you.
<333
(April 11, 2018 - 10:46 am)
*Ahem* At the end of the week, I'm going to stop posting because otherwise I'll never leave. I might stick around and keep reading stuff because I can't help it, but eventually I'll ffffadeee....awwwayyy..... *Ahem* But thanks for all the comments.
(April 11, 2018 - 10:48 am)