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I'm leaving.
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
I don’t know a better way to phrase this.
If you had asked me three weeks ago whether I would ever leave the CB, I would have said no, never. I would never. But now…well, I don’t know.
I considered just disappearing without letting anyone know, (it’s not as if I post much anyway) but I guess I’m just not that kind of person.
I’m leaving because I need to leave. For a while, at least. I’m not comfortable with the Æ threads and other LGBQT et cetera stuff around right now, and I feel like if I keep seeing it I’ll explode and say something controversial to somebody and it’ll offend someone or other, and start a flame war—it’s all so delicate, isn’t it? I wouldn’t say I’m leaving to protect everyone else. I’m hardly that selfless. And I wouldn’t say you need protecting. But I don’t want to start a war.
And I can’t just avoid those threads because it simply isn’t possible for me.
Or maybe I’m leaving because we haven’t had a war in months and everything’s kind of peaceful and…bland, for me at least, and there’s not a lot for me to do. Maybe I’m also going because not a lot of the people I knew (I don’t use the term “friend” lightly) are gone or don’t post much anymore. I’m not nostalgic right now. I honestly couldn’t tell you what I feel like. Bitter, maybe. Sad. Tired.
Maybe I’m also going because sometimes I feel like I’m just this insignificant little person in the background, sitting in a corner, who has to shout to be heard and who’s not going to
be anyone here, so why even bother.
I’m going to stick around for a few more days to say goodbye, post a bit more. But I’m leaving. I’m leaving until I can’t bear it anymore and I have to come back. Because that’s what this is for me.
This might not be forever. In fact, it’s a hiatus of sorts, if that’s what you wish to call it. I could be back in a few days, or weeks, months, years. Maybe you won’t see me for a long time. But I’ll still be here, possibly. I might hover around without
posting, or maybe I just won’t be able to stand being away and I’ll have to come back in tears. In any case, this is me saying, for now, goodbye.
submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(March 30, 2018 - 2:45 pm)
(March 30, 2018 - 2:45 pm)
*Cries* Thank you so much, Brooklyn, that really means a lot to me. I'll miss you, too. And I promise I'll come back. <3
Hazel says izzu. Bbuu, izzu. It rhymes. *Grins*
(April 2, 2018 - 11:15 am)
Aw Leafy, don't go! I'm going to miss you so much, though I understand how you feel completely. I've felt like this too for the past year or so. I dont really know anyone either, and I feel like I've floated so far into the background that I could just leave and nobody would notice. So I stopped posting, except for the occasional once a month post.
I didn't know you very well, but I know you were a big part ofof the CB in my mind. I'm going to miss you very much, you darling human.
Safe travels and never forget that we all love you. ❤❤❤❤❤
~butterfly~
(April 2, 2018 - 9:23 am)
(April 2, 2018 - 11:46 am)
Thank you so much, Butterfly. I love you.
❤❤❤❤❤
(April 3, 2018 - 9:07 am)
Oh, Leafy, I'm going to miss you! I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way. I've also considered leaving but can't bear to actually do it. It takes courage to realize that something isn't right for you right now and even more courage to leave that situation.
But I will leave you with this- you've made the CB a better place with your amazing writing, drawing, poetry and kind personality. You've been my name buddy and one of my best CB friends since I joined. Please pop in whenever you can. I'll miss you so much. <3
Hugs,
Leafmist
(April 2, 2018 - 11:43 am)
Thanks, Leafmist. I'll miss you a lot, leaf-namebuddy. I'll come back. I don't know when, but I'll come back.
(April 3, 2018 - 9:10 am)
Dearest Leafpool,
You are so loved. Loved by us Cricketeers, and by people in your life. You are special. And I know, it is kind of awkward with the whole LGBT stuff. I want to come out and say what I believe but U feel that it would disrupt, at least a part of the CB. Anyway, Leafpool, just remember that we, and your family and friends are here for you. Don’t forget that. Goodbye Leafy.
Love,
Tuxedo Kitten
PS, I will pray for you <3
(April 2, 2018 - 12:31 pm)
Thanks, Tux. That means a lot to me. <3
(April 3, 2018 - 9:11 am)
I'm so, so sorry that we ever made you feel uncomfortable, Leafy. I can respect your decision to leave, but please know that we'll always be here for you if you want to come back. I'll welcome you with open arms and I know so many other people will as well. I really, really, wish you didn't have to go, but I respect your decision. I'll miss you so much Leafpool-- please come back.
~Starseeker
(April 2, 2018 - 12:38 pm)
I'll miss you too, Starseeker. I promise I'll come back. I'll always come back.
(April 3, 2018 - 9:12 am)
Please, don't forget your promise... you're one of the cornerstones of the CB for me. PLease remember to come back as soon as possible. <3
~Starseeker
(April 4, 2018 - 9:30 pm)
I'm really sorry, Leafpool. It's unfortunate that... a lot of people, I guess, are leaving now. I.... think I understand. Sometimes I feel like that. Like there really isn't anything left for me. I think I understand, because when we say that we supposably understand.... sometimes we don't. So.... I think I get it. But unless I could talk to you face-to-face or was a magical mind-reader, I really would have no way of really knowing what you felt like.
I'm sad that you feel that way. I certainly hope that you will come back some day. I just feel very unhappy right now. I kind of feel like everyone is giving up... but.... it's not like that. I understand that you are not giving up. You are being smart, and responsible, and... well, you. And... if you come back... and I certainly hope not because you are in tears for not coming.... if you come back... well..... we'll be here. And I will probably be here for a very long time.
Just... maybe just think of this as.... a small, maybe a safe, small corner, warm, happy. I hope that you do not feel like this is yet another microcosm of unhappiness in this imperfect world. Well. Here is a small... poem. Part of something that is kind of special to me.... only the beginning. Maybe I'll put it in the beginning of a book. Well. Here it is. For you. And everyone else who will view this. Aheh. Including you, Admins. And I do actually mean that.
As the rain beats hard against the panes
We snuggle closer to our friends
To hear a story, one that lends
An extra piece of wonder from our pens
To give to you, from far-off land
A story finished, done by hand
The thoughts from me to you
So. Goodbye. I hope you will come back soon. I will.... be here. If that is any consolation. And maybe, if you come back some day, you will feel more ready and accepted into Cricket. So. Goodbye.
-Chinchilla
Thank you, Chinchilla.That's a beautiful poem. It's very special.
Admin
(April 2, 2018 - 6:30 pm)
Thanks, Chinchilla. That's a beautiful poem. I'm going to miss you a lot. <3 <3 <3
(April 3, 2018 - 9:14 am)
My dearest Leafpool,
To be honest, I probably consider you one of my best CB friends; I'll be really sad to see you go, but I understand how you feel. Sometimes it feels like it's too much, right? I get that. But you're not insignificant, Leafy, we remember you. We'll remember even if you're gone. Anyways, I hope you keep writing your poetry (maybe come visit us on our poetry contest thread?) because you've improved so much and your metaphors and prose are just beautiful. I hope you'll be back, but if not, we'll see you in 2019 (unless you have a NaNo? I'd love to keep in touch). We'll miss you, love.
Hugs,
September
(April 2, 2018 - 7:01 pm)
September, I'll miss you. I'll miss your poetry and art and you, yourself. I promise I'll keep writing poetry but once I go, I'm not going to come back until I'm ready to come back completely. But when I'm back, I'll undoubtably have more poetry to post. I don't have NaNo, but I may sometime in the future.
*Hugs*
(April 3, 2018 - 9:17 am)