This is another music awards-related rant, so be prepared. But I promise it's not about the Adore You music video not winning. I'm over that at this point. Kind of.

Anyway.

The Brit awards nominations were announced today. Billie got nominated for International Female Solo Artist, which I'm so excited for especially because she won last year. Taylor also got nominated for that award, which means that I'm going to have a breakdown no matter who wins, just like at the Grammys, so I need to prepare myself for that. Harry got nominated for Song of the Year for Watermelon Sugar, which as he should.

BUT.

HARRY IS SO MUCH MORE THAN WATERMELON SUGAR. FINE LINE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN NOMINATED. AND LOUIS AND NIALL AND ZAYN WERE SNUBBED. WALLS MAKES ME CRY EVERY SINGLE TIME. AND HEARTBREAK WEATHER HAS NO SKIPS. AND APPARENTLY ZAYN RELEASED A NEW ALBUM AND I DON'T LIKE HIS SOLO MUSIC THAT MUCH SO I HAVEN'T LISTENED TO IT BUT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE GRAMMYS LITERALLY CHANGED THEIR RULES SO THAT HE COULDN'T GET NOMINATED. LOUIS WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING THE LIVE WHERE THEY ANNOUNCED IT AND FFJGJFGK.

Liam didn't really release that much this year (I don't think, I also don't like his solo music that much) so I'm not really mad for him.

Also the Brits are on a Tuesday. A Tuesday. I'll be in school.

ALSO LOUIS IS MAKING A DOCUMENTARY AND I'M SO EXCITED AND HARRY IS BACK IN ENGLAND.

Rant over, thank you for listening to my ted talk. 

HUZZAH! You’ve found the HUGE EGG! It’s not colored, it’s just a huge egg. To collect your point, post “It’s easy being big. Sometimes.” On the the Egg Hunt Page!

- EasterSkiies 

I was in person for testing yesterday and now I'm back online and I want my in person school back :( it was so so so nice to see people and be in my school so now it's depressing to just sit in my room and stare at my screen.

So...

I'm really bummed right now.

I already felt like blech because I just got my second covid vaccine and had, like, 75% of the symptoms. And we just had finals. And the weather is heating up and I DO NOT GO WELL WITH HEAT. But then I started getting back into a fandom I left a LONG time ago. And that was kinda nice. Revisit some old classic fanfics I haven't read in years, check out some cool fanart, catch up on the new updates(that's to say I haven't seen the source material for much MUCH longer nor do I have any desire to try to catch up with it) but that's cool. It's okay. It is okay.

But THEN. Then I stumbled onto a newer series that had been completed just recently. I read it through, it started out cute, and I'd already seen a couple cute one-shots from this girl, plus I remembered her as one of the writers that first got me super invested in this fandom in the first place. She's really good from what I remember. Alright, alright, still going fi- OH MY LORD THE ANGST THOUGH. IT ONLY REALLY STARTED AFTER THE 20 CHAPTER MARK!

Like yeah, I knew it was a 75-parter, and yeah, I got to the last episode in less than 2 days BUT WHY??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ANYONE, MUCH LESS OUR BELOVED CHARACTERS!?!? IT HIT ME LIKE A FRICKEN WALL O' BRICKS AND YES I GOT TO THE LAST EPISODE WHERE EVERYTHING SUPPOSEDLY GOT FIXED AND WAS HAPPY AND NO I DID NOT FINISH BECAUSE IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED I WAS ONLY HALF WAY THROUGH THE FINAL CHAPTER AND THIS SAME GIRL WAS THE REASON I LEFT THE FANDOM IN THE FIRST PLACE AND PLEDGED NEVER TO COME BACK AND OML I CANNOT HANDLE THIS I JUST WATCHED MY SHIP CRASH BURN GET SLICED IN HALF FOURTY-EIGHT TIMES BY AN ICEBURG-WEILDING NINJA TIMESKIPED INTO THE FUTURE BY A DECADE IN TOTAL AND THEN GET TAPED BACK TOGETHER IN THE LAST TWO EPISODES WITH A MARRIAGE SCENE AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY???

Anyway, that frustrated me to no end and no, I will never get to the very end of that series, even though all I have to do is finish the second half of the very last chapter because... I said so. No.

And that's not even the cherry on top. That was yesterday and the day before. Today... Today was arguably worse.

So basically... Today I went to a game I haven't played in what feels like ages. It's got a story, not really that important, but it's honestly my favourite part. You go collect characters to team up with you and new weapons to use on your journeys; that kind of stuff. I'm on the 10th world of this, plus I've got a few cool event storylines and sidequests under my belt and *deep breath* I JUST LEARNED THAT HALF OF MY TEAM DIED PERMANENTLY AND MY CLOSEST ALLY ABANDONED MY PARTNER AND BEST GIRL IN THE THICK OF BATTLE DESPITE THE DWINDLING ABILITY THEY HAVE TO MAINTAIN THEIR REBELLION AND THAT I'VE BEEN MISSING FOR A DECADE FOR SOME GOD-FORSAKEN REASON THAT IS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION AND THAT MY PARTNER AND FORMER LITTLE SUNSHINE GIRL HAS CRUMBLED UNDER THE WEIGHT AND HORRORS OF WAR AND- *Take deep breath* Stop. Oh, and also the world has been overtaken by alien-robot-monster-invaders and there is no hope of escape.

This game frequently gets me hung up in a bad place and the narrative rubs me in all the wrong ways far too often, probably not on purpose but still, and honestly this is just way to much right now.

After that I was going to watch Shiki to either sooth me by numbing any semblance of sanity or emotion I have left, or to emotionally scar me so badly that I'd just sort of forget about other things that bothered me. Doesn't really matter, because I didn't get to it since my best friend persuaded me out of it (it seems like she was doing it for my own good, but she knows I quite enjoy FNaF, Death Note & Death Parade as well as put up with Another and Higurashi, right?)

And now, for the final bombshell *drumshell*: She revealed that she's had a crush on someone I totally know without telling me for 6 years. I'm too tired to even react all over-the-top anymore. That's nice. Rant over. Apologies for any typos(can't be bothered to edit) and all the rage. See ya', lizards. 

I'm done with school! Yay yay yay~

In a much better headspace than I've been for a long time, and I even managed to go out for the first time in like, forever to attend a graduation-from-the-junior-high party at the school I go to(I've been full-remote all year). I was some how fine, despite my really bad social axiety??? But I really don't want to stretch my 'luck' too far.

My sister's birthday is coming up and I think my cousins are coming over to terrorise us even though we're all over a decade older than them and... I don't know if I can handle that. Also, this weekend I have plans to go to a paintball-thingie. Apparently it's mostly for some younger teens/teens, but there'll be some older ones too. I... don't know if I'll be looking forward to that. It'll be my first time, if I do end up going, but last time when my bother went (he's not going this time) he came back really early or something like that. *apprehension builds* Plus I might have to interact with a couple older-teen people I sort of know. Like, I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, especially since I am an older teenager, after all, but... Still. When you 'know' people but actually know next to nothing about them, especially when they're the same age as you, that is probably the worst. I don't know anymore.

As a bonus, I just had my first Science Regents the other day. The only thing is that, like 10-15% of the problems were worded horribly and there was flat-out a half page I genuinely do not remember anything about. It was only two questions(that I completely didn't understand) and this year doesn't count unless it's higher that the final, due to covid and all that, but it still bothers me a darn lot. Also, according to my step-mother, who just recently became a nurse in the United States, a lot of the questions in her nursing test were really badly phrased, so... I guess it's just something you have to deal with in science? *cries half-heartedly*

Anyway... I think I need a writing buddy. I can't write and stick with it despise my semi-best efforts. I mean, what if it's terrible and I just don't realise it because I'm stuck with it and the one who wrote it??? What if it's not interesting, but I don't notice because I have a really short attention-span and think weird things are interesting? It's sort of a strange thing for me to worry about, since, in general I don't really care what people think of my writing, but I guess I just want to make it decent and never know if it's really that good. Also, of course, the fact that I stress-out, procrastinate and thoroughly despise dead-lines doesn't help. I just need someone to pester me to keep the process on-track and actually make suggestions/critiques rather than taking a look at it and being like 'Ah... That's, uh, good.' Ya' know?

Alright, two rants. A) it's supposed to 111 on Monday and we've got a severe heat warning and this is the Pacific Northwest it's not supposed to be hot it's supposed to be rainy and misty and nice out and I missssss that!!! B) SoCiEtY!!!! Except for you lizards all y'all are great.

Does anyone else get really bummed out when they see a video in their playlist labeled as deleted or made private? :/ It really sucks that that has to happen.

My friend just got outed to their parents :( and they're very unsupportive. I hope they're okay. I feel bad for them.

ugg. I got my end of year reports recenlty and I got As and A+s in everything. Except for gym class. I got a B+ in gym class. I LOVE gym class! I LOVE my gym teacher! Hes from scotland and is SO FUN! AND HE GAVE ME A B+!!!! I do well in his class, I have good attidude. My mom emailed him and asked him what I could of done differently to get a better grade. He answered and said that I didnt do backhands and dropshots in Bandminton, that I had the wrong footwork in Ping Pong, and that when I played ping pong games, I forgot everything that I was so good at when I do ralleys. UGG!