- "BRUH! BRUH!"

- "Two friends for a dollar! Yep, that's right, two for the price of one. Limited time offer!"

- Mrs. Shamommian 

- "Is Donald Trump a character trait?" "IT SHOULD BE!!!!"

- "Hey, remember me? I'm that hamburger you ate last Thursday!"

- "Never wear buckles because they are evil pizzas that will take your soul!"

- "All my favorite people have food names. Just a fact."

- "They just sold it for free!"

- Canada, the make-believe country

- "Stop being Alicezander Xxxxxxxton!"*

- "PEGGY awesome!"

- *bad impression of Helpless from Hamilton* "Boy, you got me barfi-in'... Look into your eyes and I go *mimes throwing up*. I'm barfi-in'. Down on the ground and I'm puking on ya...(etc, etc)."

- "DOG WHISTLES!" "Nooooo!!!!"

- "I have a squirrel femur! Are you proud of me?"***

- "I have a talent for dying."

- "It's the revenge of the evil Hannah-power!"

- "1...2...3...5...8...10...13...15! DONE! MWAHAHAHA!!!"

- Fredward, the magical eraser**

- "YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM!"

- "Llama-drama club!"

- "Are you playing Duck Duck Goose?" "Are we self-respecting sixth graders?"

- Jib-my-son

- "It's 17270. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?"

- LISOT= Squirrels***

- "FRANCIE. THEY'RE COMING." ****

- "DO NOT touch the cello. Especially if you are possessed by a squirrel."***

- "Let's play Manhunt! I'm the man, and you kids have to hunt me!"

- "They say it's not a real word. Take that, Scripps Spelling Bee!"

- "It's called The Holly And The Ivy, so why is there nothing about the ivy?"

* X-ed out because it's my last name 

** Not to be confused with Magic Eraser, which is a whole nother story...

*** If you can't tell, I might have a liiiiiiiiiiitle prejudice against squirrels...  XD

**** The squirrels again.

If you want context on any of these, just ask.

-"Onwards to Victory!" "'Victory' is a trash can..."

-"Have you read the 5 billionth Harry Potter anniversary book? The one where Harry does for like, the third time? "

-"Flowertowne?"

-"I accidentally threw her pygmy puff down the stairs"

-"My birthday is not November 29"  

"Your [INSERT ANYTHING] are so cute!" "ARGHH!!"

"Close your eyes, let me tell you all the reasons wh-y-y-y, baby. You got to do-o-o what you got to do-o-o, bab-" "ARGHH!!"

"Please stop rearranging the tree." "Why? It's only the thousandth time I've done it." "Exactly."

"Why are light bulbs so breakable?" "They're called christmas ornaments, not light bulbs!" "WELL, THEY LOOK LIKE LIGHT BULBS!"

- BEIIIIIIIIGE

- *In sing-song voice* "One, two, skip a few, ninty-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred!" "GAH! I was'nt ready! Start over! And ACTUALLY COUNT this time!"

- "Holy Buckets!"

- "'They got ated'."