Spoilers to come, I'll tell you when. For now, it's safe. :)

Thank you Artemis!

Finished: I am the messenger. Beautiful beautiful beautiful. There's nothing more to say. Unless you're me, oc. Then there's always more to say. :) But seriously. Yes, I had my problems. But the problems made it so much better. And I've never met a book that did that before. No, it's not my favorite book ever. But it's necessary. So so necessary. It may the best book ever. Who knows. Who knows if that even matters. All that matters is that I read it and for that... I feel lucky, reading this book. I feel so so so eternally grateful. As I said, it had its problems, or I had my problems with it. And the problems didn't make it perfect, but it didn't need to be perfect to be true. And this book - though I can't say is probably the truest - is true. Is really very true. It's real and... well, let me just start actually making sense-

SPOILERS (sorry admins I just realized after writing all this out... I do think it's still worth it to read though, though the experience may be less... arghh sorry ugh mphh)

1. The Characters. They're struggling. They don't always know the right answer. They remind me of LE's characters actually in a way. In fact, this whole book sometimes does. Just as a comment. Moving on. These characters are real. There's a better explanation on the last page, or last chapter, or whatever... If a guy like you can stand up and do what you did, then maybe everyone can. Maybe everyone can live beyond what they're capable of. These characters are ordinary, they aren't afraid to have flaws, and they are, in fact, very afraid. And I can't say I relate all too much with them, but I do relate to them in the way that at the very core, in a way, they are us and we are them. Human beings. Living our lives.

or human beans, whichever you prefer :)

oh, and oc, you gotta love the Doorman :) :) 

2. The truth. The truth and the startling honesty and the brutalness of it all. And this is the world and it's brutal and it's beautiful. And it's really all very simple. That's all there is to it. This is the world and it's brutal and it's beautiful and this is the place we make our lives in, choose to live in. This is it.

3. The simplicity. The simplicity makes it a masterpiece. The simplicity is masterful. The simplicity strips away all the extra parts and gives you only what you need.

4. The writing in general. It's so beautifully descriptive ("And dancing with Audrey in the silent fire of the morning.") and unafraid and brutal and simple and I'm reusing adjectives but they get to the point so why shouldn't I. And the paragraph/line breaks are seriously just.... needed? They fit so much (not "well", "much") and add so much and are, again, masterful. I really don't know. But I love them. :)

5. The purpose. I am the messenger, said the book. And yet I didn't understand. Until that last page. On the bathroom floor. In the silent of the night. Immersed.

And then I did understand. If a guy like you... And then I understood. And it was beautiful. Just the way it should be.

And I feel like all that was planned. That perfect moment of realization. At the end, that one gem. Planted. To be found.

It's a bit scary, in a way. The folder. Life. Am I real?

Of course you're real - like any thought or any story. It's real when you're in it.

I am the messenger.

I am the message. 

6. The way each card is beautiful alone and beautiful together and has its own beauty even when. It's not rushed, except for maybe the ending. It gets better when you don't think it can anymore. Things suprise you. Beauty surprises you. Things are more beautiful than you think possible.

I could rant about this alone for paragraphs.

But I suppose that's all you really need to know.

And even knowing these things, if you ignores the spoiler warnings and haven't yet...

read the book.

you don't have to, it may not even be for you, idk.

it's a bit inappropriate.

I didn't much like the ending when it seemed to suddenly switch tones and become the message, not the messenger, like it drops everything else to just get to the purpose, like everything else was inconsequential, unneeded, it felt like, to me, when in fact it was very much needed. It was the appreciation that made the message impactful. At the very least partly. It's the messenger that gets the message across. I really didn't like how it ended with Audrey. That just didn't feel... right. It was so much better the other way. She needed to love. And I think platonic love would've done just fine. Might've even been better. They seemed to hint in the book that the other wasn't as substantial or whatever for her...

And it just felt like Ed ultimately getting what he wanted in the beginning. Like all that growth he went through... I thought the confession was enough. The confession was perfect. It was all that was needed. And then... Did Audrey even want it? Really? And... Just the same old predictable book. Unworthy of itself, I might even say, but I guess I'm not one to judge... I'm just some kid reading a (I won't say "adult") book. :) And we all have our own interpretations. And this is ours but it's also the author's and Ig I want to respect that... so I'll stop there.

But even so, especially so, especially loving it in the face of all this when usually something like that might make me appreciate it so much less...

I love this book. 

So much.

I love it.

<3