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A poetry excercise
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A poetry excercise
A poetry excercise I saw on Cicada
So, I was looking around on the Slam (before I read the rules and found out that you had to be 14. :( I guess I have to wait until next year), and someone posted this writing exercise where "you just start writing and see what happens and keep whatever you have". So, careless poetry with no editing. I thought it sounded really cool, and thought you guys might want to try it, too!
This is my first try doing it, inspired by a (very) boring Algebra class. Also, I realize I left out some of the major elements that humans are made of (nitrogen, hydrogen, phosphorus) and chemicals that control happiness (oxytocin and endorphins) but at the time, these were the only ones I could remember, and there's no editing!!
untitled
we ourselves are
chemical formulas- we, composed of
carbon and oxygen and calcium,
we, a product of two cells and
46 chromosomes. Our happiness
is dopamine and serotonin, our faces
simply genes- so if we are nothing
but formulas, why is it so hard to
pay attention in algebra?
~~
Good luck!
submitted by Bluebird
(April 19, 2017 - 8:52 pm)
(April 19, 2017 - 8:52 pm)
Thanks Ashlee! I really liked your poem too :)
(April 28, 2017 - 12:21 pm)
Thanks! I was half asleep when I wrote it, I was shocked I didn't fall asleep on my keyboard while typing xD
(April 28, 2017 - 8:29 pm)
This hit me hard. Your poem is definitely not terrible, Leafmist.
(April 29, 2017 - 10:34 am)
untitled~
you had never liked heights
even though you rode roller
coasters addictively, insisting
that they went too fast
for you to ever notice
that you were so high up—
practically in the sky.
we thought we were invincible,
you and i
we rode the legends, and walked
away shaken, legs numb
but still told everyone
oh, it was nothing
~~~
I'd love some critique and/or title suggestions!
(April 28, 2017 - 10:57 pm)
Weird thought, but it reminded me of Four and Tris from Divergent when they visit what was it? Heights? Because that was one of his fears. I think, anyways, it's been a while since I read that book.
Anyways, I love the poem! Besides that little thought, maybe a simple name like Heights or In the Heights (trying not to reference my love for In the Heights by Lin!). Just suggestions. But I do absolutely love this!
(April 29, 2017 - 1:40 am)
Adrenaline? Oh gosh, I'm terrible at titles. Maybe... Legends?
I absolutely love how you break up the lines in all your poems, and poems in 2nd person are my weakness! This is amazing, September!
(April 29, 2017 - 10:41 am)
This poem probably will not make any sense unless you know Greek mythology.
the hunt
just think of me when
you see the evergreen, i
am immortal, but
terms and conditions may
apply
achilles heels aren't
always physical, and you,
river lethe, are making
me forget all that was
before
why'd you have to
open up my heart, pandora?
misery in the form of
a moth came into the world
and because of
you, we're holding onto hope 'cuz
it's all we've got left
maybe persephone ate the fruit on purpose and
artemis had it all
figured out. i swear,
today, you won't find me
with a ring on my finger. oh
no,
i'll be chasing something just beyond my reach
alone, liquid moonlight falling
on my dirt-streaked face
orion,
hear me howl.
~~~
I'd like to hear your critique if you have any.
(April 29, 2017 - 1:15 pm)
I did the thing where I tried to write a poem that was not long winded and actually made sense but I failed and since I can't go back and edit I can't make it shorter and make more sense. Oh well.
Daydreaming
Is an art
To dream,
You must have an
imagination
That knows no end
You must be able to
Dream up the
Craziest situations
Out of the ordinary
Think of all the
possibilities
Before they even happen
You must see the
Happy,
And the sad,
The bitter,
The angry,
The fear,
The disgust.
Daydreams are not always
Happy and colorful
Sometimes
They are so
Sad, and utterly
Heartbreaking,
That you can feel an ache
in
Your heart,
And tears leaving their
stinging mark
On your cheeks.
To daydream,
You must be creative
You must be able to look
out the window
And see a dragon flying by
Or look up in the trees
And see fairies fllitting through
The branches
To daydream,
you must have a boundless
mind, a mind that sees the
beauty,
and the insanity
in everything
~~~
Also, that was really cool poem Bluebird. I think I've said that about all your poems, but every one I've read is awesome. :)
(April 29, 2017 - 6:04 pm)
Thank you :) Your poem kinda makes me nostalgic for when I was a little kid. The way you ended it is so good! I love that line- to daydream/you must have a boundless/mind, a mind that see the/beauty/and the insanity/in everything.
(April 29, 2017 - 9:14 pm)
Wow. Just wow. I loved this, Bluebird!
The only bit of critique I have would be to change the line: you, we're holding onto hope 'cuz/ it's all we've got left into: you, we're holding onto hope— / it's all we've got left
Other than that, I absolutely loved it, especially the lines: i/ am immortal, but/ terms and conditions may/ apply , and the last stanza was beautiful.
(April 30, 2017 - 4:43 pm)
Yeah, I was trying to figure out a way to make that line sound better. Thank you!
(April 30, 2017 - 8:45 pm)
pandemonium (inspired by Bluebird's Disarray)
i.
i fell, but you did too
ii.
you are my sunshine/ when skies are blue/ the sun is always there/ you will always be there/ even when/ skies are grey/ you are my heart/ the rain is my soul/ the thunder/ is my mind
iv.
i can run/ so fast/ and so far/ i wish you'd come/ it's harder/ saying goodbye/ than leaving/ too many memories/ i can still remember/ can you?
v.
i read a book once/ about a girl/ who had a heart of gold/ don't you remember when?/ i am made of darkness/ and shadows/ i am not light/ i am heavy/ with sadness, you say/ it's too hard to let go/ don't you know?
vi.
time is non-existent
vii.
to whom it may concern/ i used to keep the stamps/ you said/ they reminded you of badges of honor/ a token of survival/ dearest/ love/ you would always smudge/ the address
viii.
i lost the address book/ but you wrote the letters on my hand/in sharpie/ we all know how long that lasts
viiii.
i still remember/ the scent of your dog/ it clung to my sweatshirt for hours/ after i boarded the plane
~~~~~
Again, I'd love critique. . . I have a feeling that I've accidentally written a love poem. . .
(April 30, 2017 - 6:30 pm)
I can't put into words how much I love this :) I would say which lines I liked best but, honestly, I like them all.
(April 30, 2017 - 8:48 pm)
Awww, thanks so much, Bluebird! <33 That means a lot :)
(May 1, 2017 - 11:58 am)
Is this a fanwork? You tell me.
Last Dance
And then you turn, spin to catch
the thing on your blade,
lunge
but don't get tagged by
the bat. Thrust, step away,
swipe, swipe - hear the roar -
pause a moment and feel your heart
STOP
just to let it get a bit closer. Kick
yourself back to life.
Strike retreat strike retreat strike retreat and
it's over. Take your spoils,
slash, riposte, leap, stab, sidestep. It's
tough to see through the swarm,
tough to think through the beat,
the beat you can't lose because they
will not, won't falter in
their predictable patterns
all designed to rip the failing heart from your chest,
a scream of song from your throat.
Easy, like Uncle Eli said.
(April 30, 2017 - 7:18 pm)