Chatterbox: KYNGDOM™ RP Board

Minor Announcement 

Hi. You may or may not have noticed that I've stopped visiting Kyngdom more often than once or twice a week. After some thought on the matter, I have come to the conclusion that this is because of recent events. I blame myself for being lazy and weak, but every time I consider clicking on that old familiar title, all I can imagine is hours and hours spent trying to dig furrows in a stony field, search through obscure remnants of the past and present for puzzling hints at the future, and navigate an unstable, rotten wood boardwalk held together by spiderwebs and leaves over an active lava flow, all at the same time, and all alone. Not literally, of course. But that's what it feels like. And it also feels like I have to do those things, or else I'll be trapped, frozen, in a tree, in a stone, in glass, and everyone here forgetting me while I watch and try to scream, try to warn them of all the pitfalls and dangers and knives they're about to get in the back. 

Um. That was pretty dark. Sorry.

This is all made even more difficult by the fact that my life is somehow really busy all of a sudden, even though I'm sure there's nothing more than usual in it--maybe my capacity has lowered? But I just can't do it anymore. Except I can, that's a stupid thing to say, what am I even doing, I'm going to just delete all this and do what I usually do here. It's fine. Everything is fine. Everything is the same, except it's not.

Maybe it's the sudden twist in the plot and the way it's shaken everything. Maybe it's the new dynamics and things that have been brought in, and the way that means I got caught by surprise, blindsided by a rollercoaster, suddenly unable to keep up and keep track. There's suddenly a mask of overwhelming threats over this place, and I can't tell if it is or isn't real.

I can always adjust when I want to, but I think lately I don't want to. I don't even know what I want or can do anymore. I'm in an earthquake, but everyone else has kept their balance. But that seems stupid and selfish; I haven't been here, how do I know what's going on with you? Every time I think I know something, it turns out I've just been looking at myself and there's still something going on that I haven't tried to see. Like looking at the sun. You are the sun. I don't even go outside anymore. 

~IMPORTANT PART~ 

So, in short, I can't leave, but I can't stay. Don't wait for me. I might pull a few characters out of the story. I'm not leaving. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I'm just tired and this will only last a few days. But it's already begun, weeks ago, and I haven't been able to keep myself here. I'm sorry.

~IMPORTANT PART OVER~

You're probably not going to get what I want you to from this. You're just going to keep burning. But how do I know? How do I know... 

And here it is. What I was afraid might happen. I'm empty now. Helpless. Unable to leave any impact. Don't know where to go, what to do, don't have the energy even if I did. I feel old. If I leave, I'll only wander, I'm sure of it. But I can still see every way I can keep going, so I'll keep going, for as long as I can.