Chatterbox: KYNGDOM™ Power of Fin

UNDERWATER BALL GOSSIP

The sand is golden, the water is pleasantly bubbly, and everybody who’s anybody in Southeast Kyngdom is here. We’re your proud Sea Anemone hosts, Actiniaria and Hexacorallia, reporting LIVE from the most exclusive event of the year: the Enchantment Above the Sea ball, South Kyndom’s first-ever dry land-themed underwater ball. If you see us milling around, come say hi and give us the dish on all the watery gossip! You’ll recognize us by our wavy pink tentacles (quick shout-out to our sponsor, the Subaqueous Salon and Sea Spa).

Of course, in about twenty minutes, we expect the next Guardian of Fin to be announced, and believe us, the room is simply awash with anticipation. You can’t swing an underwater lasso without bumping into a group of whispering shellfish. But first, let’s turn our attention to the incredibly glamorous attendees and give you unlucky landlubbers listening to our broadcast a little taste of the P-A-R-T-Y.

Land ho, this place is sparkling. Each twenty-foot-tall underwater cactus is decked out in glimmering lights. The sand on the floor has been carefully blended with real gold flakes, creating a shimmering carpet underfoot. The punch is flowing, and graceful seahorses are passing out dry land-themed appetizers: miniature sea cucumber tacos, tiny teacups of coral chili, and nacho towers topped off with smoked seashells. We’re hoping to catch a glimpse of the celebrity chef that the organizers swam in for the occasion—he’s a clownfish who trained off the coast of France. 

Most of the guests have adopted a look that we’d have to term “highbrow underwater cowboy.” We’re seeing a lot of denim gowns encrusted in barnacles and diamonds. Some of the wealthier guests are wearing silk bandanas and golden spurs. There’s even a cowboy hat or two—ooh, we’re seeing a scuffle unfold on the dance floor! There’s gold-tinted sand swirling through the water! Hold up one second, we’re getting the 411…apparently a Fangtooth Fish attempted to dance with a Vampire Squid, who turned out to be the date of a very muscular Frilled Shark. The sand just cleared, and neither Fish nor Shark is anywhere to be seen. Security here is no joke! 

Naturally, the Powers are here in full force. They’re flexing their powerful…do dragons have muscles? They have to, right? They’re looking fabulous in formalwear specially designed by none other than the untouchable CERES AND COMPANY (we’ll hold for applause). And these drama-prone Kyngdomites even seem to be getting along, at least for now. 

We’d be remiss not to mention the cornerstone of the décor: a giant ice sculpture in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by tantalizing desserts (salt-water granitas, anyone?). The sculpture is carved into the shape of a massive and very realistic rodeo scene, but instead of a cowgirl, the artist depicted a breathtakingly accurate version of our very own Finny—the heir apparent to the Guardian of Fin. The little dolphin is portrayed so accurately that she looks practically real. In fact, if you glance at the sculpture at just the right moment, you can almost see her eyes move. Magical! At the base of the ice sculpture is a keypad that requires a code, but it’s unclear what it’s meant for. Does anyone have any information? Come find us and spill the deets—we’re all tentacles. 

The dancing is being put on hold for a moment, because it’s time for one of the much-anticipated activities: some of the lucky guests are about to try their fins at roping sea cows. The massive creatures are being released from a series of gilded pens, while guests shriek and attempt to catch them with lassos made from kelp. This activity certainly fits the theme, but it’s looking like no one can manage to catch a sea cow. In fact, the cows appear to be taunting the guests. We can’t believe it—they’re lining up and dancing a can-can! Hold on, now they’re swimming over the heads of the guests and disappearing into the deep blue of the ocean. The organizers look irate. 

Having just slipped over to try a bit of the punch, your faithful correspondents are happy to report that the punch is especially tasty this year. Jeweled Rockskipper!

There’s something a bit different about it…a certain fizz…a tang on the back of the tongue. Perhaps the celebrity chef is trying out a new seaweed-infused simple syrup? In the interest of full gossipy disclosure, we’ve been hearing rumors that the punch is spiked—but we’d have to try another cup in order to report back for sure. 

Ooh, Imagine Sea Dragons is about to take the stage: their hair is gelled, their buttons are shelled, and they look ready to rock. Hope they play their hit single, Radioactive (Materials are Leaking Into the Ocean—Thanks a Lot, Humans). Looks like it’s time for these anemones to get their groove on—come find us at the dance floor and tells us what’s really going on at this party. The wilder the rumor, the more we want to hear it! Actiniaria and Hexacorallia out.