The flower unfolds,

Like an invisible hand pried it open,

No one is here to see

Its beauty,

It sits forlorn for days,

Waiting for its elegant petals to be acknowledged,

Someone walks along,

Sees it for what it is,

And picks it.

Gah, that was horrible. 

*pokepoke*

@TNO-scary...the poem made me shiver because I could hear the sounds, especially slicing and severing and hissing and bubbling.  When you say that sunlight is bubbling in the first line it really sets the scene; it seems wrong to have sunlight bubbling and that line lets you know a little what to expect in the rest of the poem.  (That it is not going to be about a nice sunny picnic.)  The alliteration and assonance and use of the senses is...perfect.  I really like how you bring back the crows at the end.  The only thing I was confused about was the ice slicked wings.

@Analesia-I like the surprise twist at the end of your poem...sad:(  I like the images.  It's may be just me, but I would love more to the poem, maybe at the beginning.  Don't say "Gah" about your poetry unless you have a really good reason :) 

@Emma-I really liked your image of time!  In the last line of the first verse, do you mean, "Stopped by none, strong or weak."??  Or, the strong, the weak?

I put my comments in bold.

Time, the all consuming beast
Never pausing in his feast
Laps up the days, swallows the weeks
Stopped by none, the stong the weak (I don't like that line, but my mom suggested it and it's the best I could come up with...) I like it! :)

Never does he drink his fill.
His smirking eyes haunt me still,
Asking me the question why
I would let each day slip by.

Now every moment seems too short.
This beast set out to break my heart.
Why did I never stop to see
The love from those surrounding me?  

Did I pause and take the time
To truly watch the sights go by?
A house framed by the trees of green,
Bright flowers begging to be seen.

How strange it is to just to hear
The singing bird that's always near!
Wind and stars sing lullabies.
Fluttering leaves whisper "good-bye".

This snarling beast doesn't care
About my heart, he rips and tears.
He brings to life new urgency
And silences my desperate plea.  What plea? 

But maybe this beast isn't here

To watch my pain, and coldly sneer.
Maybe he brings something to teach,
A concept that was out of reach. ("concept" doesn't quite feel right, to me) me neither, but I like the first part of this verse a lot. [From Admin: how about A lesson--that follows nicely after "teach." One teaches a lesson.]

No more will I ever ignore
The precious gifts behind each door.
I soak up every bit I can
Of sounds and beauty from this land.  This could be the end!

It's great! 

I take reviewing pretty seriously :)  Here's my poor little poem.

I am invisible—an invisible girl—always have been—always will be—

I fight the crowds—they surge against me but—they never see

They are faux—jeweled, glittering dragons—breathing steam—

Surrounding me—impassive faces—painted by surreal

Seven billion shoving—pushing—desperately—

For the space—within their souls—and I—

Slipping around their lives—invisibly—

I am invisible—an invisible girl—I slip under the turnstile—

No need for a ticket—unless it’s heaven—there invisibility goes

Unnoticed

The souls crowding me—here on earth—

A woman talking—loudly—visible—

To the phone trapped in her ear cells—

Dressed for 9-5—

The gray haired veteran—torn by war—

Looks—at a worn map of paradise—the last stop—on his route—

He’s waiting for the next taxi—to 1950—

There is a sign—NO LEANING ON THE DOORS—

And the—rhinestone jacket girl leans into it—the music spilling from her iPod—

Is lost—in the screeching of the train—

A man and girl with tired eyes—maybe they will see

Invisibility—

Covered in dusty brown tears—

I am invisible—need I remind you—you are visible—so are they—

They talk and laugh—cry and shout—every day—

I walk out of the train—like a visible person

Going to the corner deli—at a run—

And stop—

I am invisible—an invisible girl—always have been—always will be—

Except—maybe—yes—now I remember—

Once I was—visible—

They threw me out—

Welp, here is some of my horrendous poetry that really hasn't been edited and was scribbled in the margins of my biology homework hahaha...

Questions

Where have all the children gone?
To what shelter has innocence fled?
Where are the children hiding?
It can''t be true that love is dead?
Where is my childhood now?
Why do I have to grow up?
When did they stop telling me how?
And expecting me to take the jump?
Why does it hurt this bad?
Why won't you help me now?
Why pass yourself off as so sad?
When you don't even really know how?
If I find my life's calling?
What if I never can?
Love hurts, so they call it ''falling''?
You tell me I don't know who I am?
Do I really have to do this?
What if I don't want to?
Why won't the answers come from you?
Are these questions I'm asking a little too true?
If I died, would it take very long?...

Where have all the children gone?  

:P :P :P

TNO, that was chilling.  I loved it.  Keep writing stuff like that...I will love you for it.