SAVE THE WORLD==>

You glance out the window into the circular drive in front of the house. The sun is rising over the cascades, reflecting in the Puget Sound. It isn't cloudy today, which is rare. There's something strange about today. Like something is waiting for you. Like today is the day you'll truly make progress. Regardless, you have the feeling that it's going to be a long day.

You have a responsibility nobody else could possibly understand. And while procrastinating was fine and good for a while, you think its time you get a move on. A metaphorical move, that is. It's time to get some work done. It's time to do some stuff. It's time to settle on a single way of phrasing this. Whatever, too late. 

YOU: Okay, let's do this.

Alex: Huh?

YOU: Let's do it.

Sam: Sorry... What are we doi-

YOU: Let's save the world.

Sam: Oh, yeah, okay.

Diana: That sounds excellent. 

Wren: Yeah, okay, but... Not to kill the vibe, sorry, but... How? Do you have any idea of how to start? Just a first step, or...

Sam raises his hand. 

Sam: Hey man, I... I think I know what we should probably do. But it, pretty much, sucks. Sorry. 

Wren: Ugggggggghhhhhhh

Sam: I assume by your entirely warranted reaction that you know what I'm suggesting.

Wren: Ugggggghhhhhhhhhgghhhhhghghghggggghhh

Sam: I'm so, so sorry.

The bizarre farcical conversation ends, leaving you confused, and unsure exactly what the terrible idea is. 

Antimony: Am I correct in assuming you mean we need to try to recruit Ryan?

Wren: Tcccchhhhh..... Yeah...

Diana: Wren, if he makes you uncomfortable in any way, you do not have to interact with him.

Wren: Thanks Dee-dee. Unfortunately, I mean, we probably have to work with him... So... You know. 

Diana: In that case, if he makes you uncomfortable, I will bite him.

Wren: Thank you, my love.

Your friends stand up, and Wren and Diana pick up Antimony, putting her in a wheelchair. You all walk, and she rolls, out of the room. You go into the kitchen, and Diana sits on a counter.

Diana: I think I have Ryan's phone number. 

Wren: ...dude, why?

Diana: I had a school project with him once. I got his number to make sure he did his work.

Antimony: HE DID NOT. 

YOU: Does this guy kick puppies for fun??

Diana: PROBABLY!

Wren: No. She's overstating how terrible he is, out of concern for me.

Diana: I WANT TO BITE HIM

Wren: Deen, please don't bite people.

Antimony: Can I bite-

Wren: No.

Diana: Look, I am going to call him and see if we can meet him somewhere, and JUMP HIM.

Alex: We're trying to team up with him, remember?

Diana: ...oh. Yeah, sorry.

Diana leaves the kitchen to make a call. You sit, humming to yourself. She walks back in after a while. 

Diana: We have a meeting set. Down by the Spit. 

YOU: Now?

Diana: No, twenty minutes. 

Wren: Great! We can stop at Hungry Ogre and eat breakfast.

Diana: Wren. 

Wren: Yeeesss?

Diana: Love of my life.

Wren: Yeeeeeeeessss?

Diana: The Hungry Ogre makes food-

Antimony: Yes, resturaunts typically do.

Diana: Betrayed? By my own clone?

Antimony: Yes, sorry.

Diana: Anyway, The Hungry Ogre makes food that tastes like garbage.  

Wren: But Deeeennnn, I'm huuuungry....

Diana:....

Wren: Hungry for Hungry Ooooggggrrrreeeee....

Diana:...

Wren: Please?

Diana: i can feel my resolve slipping...

Wren: :<

Diana: GAH YOU WIN

Alex points out the obvious.

Alex: How are we gonna get there?

Any ideas? 

top

BUM A RIDE==>

You decide that the best route is probably not hotwiring a car again. A shame. However, there are several other solutions, ones which do not involve any crimes, but are okay anyway. Diana and Wren have truly began to tag-team Wren in the ongoing Fast Food Debate, and Antimony is calling into question the wisdom of eating greasy egg rolls for breakfast, while Wren extolls the virtues of doing exactly that.  You nudge Alex, as he's closest to you.

YOU: Alex. Beyond us, who is here who could take us? 

Alex: Uhh... My mom is probably around. I know Diana's parents are working.  

YOU: Your mom. Great. Do you know where she is?

Alex: Uhh.... Around? No, not really, sorry. She's... I can call her. 

YOU: If it doesn't work out, I can always hotwire a car.

Alex: No... No, thank you. I think we all absically assumed that was a last-resort option.

YOU: Oh.

Alex: You can, uh, ask around, but I think the general consensus is that we should try to abide by the law as much as possible.

YOU: Lame :/

Alex: Perhaps so. But, uh, less arrests.

He turns to call his mother. Wren is now explaining that if they only ate at her vile fast food resturaunt of choice, there could be some seriously positive side-affects for both Diana and Antimony. Antimony appears to have caved in to Wren's demands, but Diana fights admirably. to no avail. She, too, will fall. 

Alex's mom enters the room, while still on the phone with Alex.  Her name is... Alice?

Alice: Hey, you kids needed a ride?

Wren: Yeah.

Alice: Where you going?

Diana: That is a somewhat loaded question. Let's just have an unbiased party decide.

Will you be coating your organs with Americanized Chinese food and grease? 

FOOD==>

You think for a bit, and yeah, you're a little hungry. Hungry for HUNGRY OGR- Well no, not specifically for that particular restaurant, but whatever.  Food is food.

YOU: Yeah, okay, Hungry Ogre.

Wren: :D

Antimony: D:

Diana: Truly, a dirge must be played for all sanity and reason. And though Wren is the composer, you, Tracy... You are at the head of whatever grim orchestra has gathered. What's more, you are conducting. 

Wren: Yes, yes, an excellent choice, Tracy. I think we call all agree, right? 

Diana: ... You test my patience (<3)

Alex: Dude, I got zero idea what any of you are talking about. We didn't have any "Hungry Ogre's" in Lakewood.

Alice: It's local, kid. You're gonna have an... eye-opening experience. 

Antimony: I know, FOR A FACT, that the owners are third-generation FLEMISH-AMERICANS. They do not have even the slightest grasp on what Chinese food is.

Diana: Or what food is. It is the cuisine equivalent of a trainwreck in a swamp.

Wren: Mmmmm....

Sam: Also, uh, they're open for breakfast, but they don't have... a.... breakfast menu. At all. It's actually pretty counterintuitive-

Wren: Alex, you're gonna love it. That's a guatantee. Unless... Unless you don't.

Alice leads you and your friends out the door. She unlocks her car door when Antimony stops your group.

Antimony: Uh... Guys? You know how I technically shouldn't exist? Would it be too risky for me to be out in public at the same time as Diana? 

What do you think? 

ELABORATE PLAN (COMMON SENSE, REALLY) ==>

YOU: I guess we could go pick up food and eat it in the car. And then we could have Ms. Hawthorne take Antimony home while we meet Ryan at The Spit. 

Alex: The... Spit?

Wren: It's a word for a land formation I think. Edward's Spit. It's a beach, kind of. 

Antimony: It is a bunch of mud and driftwood in a pile beside the Puget Sound

Wren: ... Basically. Yes.

Antimony: Honestly, that works for me. I can see the town a little, I can hang out with you guys, and I do not even have to directly interact with Ryan!

Wren: Lucky...

Antimony: Also, I am not sure my wheels would even roll near the spit.  

It's decided then. A multi-step plan. Alice continues leading you to the rusted minivan that will, mercifully, seat all six of you. You help Sam and Wren lift Antimony into the front passenger seat, and Diana and Alex fold her chair and place it in the back, and the four of you pack into the back. Alice turns the key in the ignition and drives at a quite fast pace out of the driveway. 

The car speeds down the hill, and you gaze out the window at the forest passing by you. You can feel yourself dozing off... No sleep, that's right. You slap yourself in the face a couple times to stay aware, but then Sam looks at you like you're crazy, and for some reason his opinion of you feels important, so you stop.  The car heads toward the little shopping district near that apartment complex, and the trees that surround on all sides slowly start to thin out. From there, it isn't far until you've reached your destination.

 It's a squat, brick building, with a sign that lights up, flickering a little. The sign reads: HUNGRY OGRE: TAKEOUT, DINE-IN, DELIVER. There's some teenage boy you've never seen wearing a uniform outside, and only a few other cars in the parking lot. Alice opens the front door, and she goes into the building along with Wren.

You wait for a while, and Antimony and Sam start obnoxiously singing the sort of songs that are allowed to be sung for about ten minutes on a road trip before they’re banned entirely. Diana joins in, and whatever, so do you. An utter cacophony of discordant voices. And then the door at the front of the Hungry Ogre opens, and Alice and Wren walk out with their arms full of styrofoam cartons. 

They bring them in, and Alice starts to drive. Diana and Antimony gaze on in terror as Wren eats, like, half a dozen egg rolls in the span of two minutes. You eat some… Noodles? Everything is a homogeneous paste. Diana and Antimony freestyle bad yelp reviews, and extoll the virtues of actual traditional chinese food, over this FLEMISH MOCKERY.

It’s not that bad.

The car backtracks a little further back into the woods, making a circular route around the base of the hill on which Hawthorne Manor squats menacingly, and also Sam’s house, you guess. However, once you’ve gone about a quarter of what the full loop would be, the car turns to a narrow road through a drab residential area. It continues along that way before crossing to another road.

The road is a shallow imitation of beachfront property, with brightly colored, large houses, mostly weathered by wind and sand. It’s surprisingly bright and sunny today, and so it almost looks like a nice place to be. The car reaches the end of the road and heads to a boardwalk-style access to the beach. You get out, and the others do too. Antimony and Alice stay in the car. Diana opens the trunk, and pulls out… a leather jacket?

Wren: Deen. What?

Diana: I need to appear threatening. It will help us negotiate.

Wren: That’s your dad’s, isn’t it. It’s really oversized, man.

Diana: We need to show him that we are not messing around.

Wren: Buddy. He knows who we are. He knows how incredibly nonthreatening we are. 

Diana: Hence, leather jacket.

YOU: Do you have one for me?

Diana: Alas, no.

YOU: :/

You walk up the boardwalk, and see Ryan standing out on the beach. There are two other guys with him. You recognize them as his weird little goons. What are their names? Some ridiculous rhyming nicknames. Crud and Spud? No, that’s probably too ridiculous. 

Diana: He has reinforcements, Be ready for direct conflict.

Wren: Dude, even when he was, like, actively bullying us, we never had any physical conflict with him at all. Did you, Sam?

Sam: He shoved me… Maybe like twice. That’s it.

Wren: Yeah, we probably don’t have to prepare to like, actually fight him.

Diana: I WANT TO FIGHT HIM.

Wren: That’s a bad idea, dude. We gotta at least try to stay out of trouble. 

How do you approach?

top

RESTRAIN DIANA==>

You look at your fellow adventurers and nod to Wren.

YOU: Wren, you should probably restrain Diana.

Wren: Okay. Deen, I apologize in advance.

Diana: Wait, what? Hold on what are you doing man wait-

Wren picks her up, holding her over her head. She thrashes around, but then stops, and settles in. 

Diana: This is actually kind of nice. I feel so… So tall. 

APPROACH GOONS ==>

You walk slowly down the inclined ramp of the rotting boardwalk to the gray, damp sand. Driftwood litters the shore, and Ryan and his Goons are looking right at you. One of the goons, a guy in a rain jacket, waves vaguely toward you.

YOU: WE DON’T WANT TO FIGHT!

Sam: Uh, yeah.

He holds up a limp peace sign, which the rain jacket goon returns with a wide smile. You get a better look at Ryan. He’s wearing some grimy heavy metal t-shirt with indecipherable font. He has spiky black hair, and skin as eerily pale as Wren. He snorts derisively.

Ryan: Well, yeah. I mean… You called this meeting, not me. Did you think I was waiting to jump you, at the meeting you arranged? I’m not stupid. 

YOU: Oh.

Ryan: Were you hoping for a fight?

Diana: YES

Wren: No! Ahem. No.

Ryan: Ah, Diana. Charmed.

Diana: “OOH CHARMED LOOK AT ME I THINK I AM SOOO COOL WITH MY NAMELESS CRONIES AND MY FALSE POLITENESS LOOK AT ME”

Ryan: Ahh… Why are you being held in the air, buddy?

Diana: SO I DO NOT KILL YOU

Ryan: Great. Also, the cronies have names. Will, Bill?

Will(?): Yeh we got names.

Bill: *grunt*

Okay, so it wasn’t Crud and Spud. At least it wasn’t Crud and Spud. The two giggle nervously, they seem to have less idea of what’s going on than their leader. Ryan sighs, rolling his eyes in a performative gesture.

Ryan: You know, you guys are the most ridiculous, demographically improbable group of people I’ve ever met. What do you want?

Alex: Demographica-

Ryan: Trans woman, lesbian, tiny guy who looks like a carbon copy of the trans woman, albino… not sure about him.

He’s pointing at you.

Ryan: Sorry, dude, I’ve seen you around, but I don’t know anything about you.

Sam: They’re nonbinary.

Ryan: Oh! Oh, sorry. That’s my bad, not intentional. I didn’t mean to insult you.

YOU: What about everything else you just said?

He grins obnoxiously.

Ryan: That was intended to be insulting. I did that on purpose, yeah. But I try to be at least a little respectful, y’know? 

YOU: Okay.

Ryan: I mean, you guys think I’m the devil or something. Sure, I was a jerk- Well, I am a jerk, yes, but I’m not that bad. Look, why did you call me here?  

Will: Hold on, boss, not sure you picked up on this, but the fact that they’re non-binary just further supports that thing you were saying earlier.

Ryan: So it does.

YOU: Aliens are real.

Everyone looks at you funny, which makes sense, I mean, talk about a non sequitur. But, you had to get to the real topic somehow.

Alex: What?

YOU: They are aliens, right?  The Oracle, The Janitor guy, that eye thing? Aliens?

Wren: Um, probably. See what you’re doing now, yeah, sorry. That came kinda unprompted. 

Diana: (i hope they are aliens)

Wren: Probably less “space aliens” and more, like, visitors from separate planes of reality, yeah?

Sam: Stuff Hastur said was phrased in ways that might make that seem to be the case. 

Will perks up, grinning. 

Will: Sounds like Twin Peaks! You guys have a role-playing group or something?

Bill: *noncommittal grunt*

Ryan: Hey, Will, shut up. Hey, kid, what are you talking about? 

YOU: You see… You’re a chosen one.

Wren: Hey, Tracy, we probably could have handled this with more tact…

YOU: Have you ever seen anything… Strange, Ryan?

Will: Hey, I have! Paper wasps jus’ follow me around. What’s up with that? Gotta be aliens, yeah?

Ryan kicks a pile of sand beside himself, turning to glare at Will.

Ryan: Will. Shut. Up.

Will pantomimes zipping his lips and throwing away a key.

Ryan: You guys genuinely must think I’m stupid, huh? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this is a prank, but what setup could this possibly be?

Diana: Guys-

YOU: It isn’t a prank. Seriously, you’ve lived your whole life, right? 

Ryan: Yeah.

Diana: Hey, guys-

YOU: You’ve… Never seen anything out of the ordinary, in all that ti-

Diana: GUYS!

You look up at Diana. She’s pointing at the ocean. You look at a figure slowly walking up out of the ocean. 

What do you do?