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Poem I wrote
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Poem I wrote
Poem I wrote :-/ I'm not very good at rhyming, but it's inspired by something that happened a few hours ago. I'd like title suggestions, too, if you would :D:
You’re not worth the tears
You’re not worth the pain
You’re not worth the kiss
When we make up again
I don’t need these scars
I don’t want this ache
Our smiles and our laughter
Suddenly are so fake
Across the dance floor
With her in your arms
You smile at me there
And I’m alone in the dark
I talk to you
You turn away
Suddenly I feel
This ache here to stay
I know it's not very good, but it's sort of deep. I was hoping that would make up for my complete lack of competence when it comes to poetry :(
submitted by Koffee
(December 11, 2009 - 8:50 pm)
(December 11, 2009 - 8:50 pm)
Koffee/Annika Olea!
*virtually smacks upside the head*
Do not even think about him. Dating etc... at this age is just sort of practice for when you're older and thinking about marriage, to make you at ease with the concept; clearly this is not the type of guy you'd want to marry, so having anything to do with him is absolutely useless because he's hurting you and giving him a second chance will just make him think that you can be pushed around and it's okay to treat you like dirt. long sentence. deep breath. okay. Also, read that poem! *reminds how miserable you must've been* CLEARLY this guy is a jerk! Find someone nicer, you deserve it!
Now have some smileys. :) :) :) :D :D :D XD XD XD ;) ;) ;) ;D ;D ;D
(December 16, 2009 - 4:45 pm)
Good! I like except for the third stanza. It has a weird rhythm and doesn't fit with the rest.
(December 15, 2009 - 9:07 pm)
Hm, I'm thinking for the last stanza to have it be something like:
You don't have the reason/You're not worth the rhyme/Just one more heartache/That won't waste my time
How about that? Or something to that extent?
(December 17, 2009 - 12:38 am)
Ah, this I am rather liking, actually. Good ending, I believe. The ending is always the hardest part.
Cheers,
lav
(December 17, 2009 - 12:32 pm)
Why thank you :D
I think I will end with that after all. Thanks for your help you guys. *sighs* I don't know how long I'll be able to hold out, though....his face lights up when I laugh at his jokes and....ugh :P Oh well. I'll just keep reading this poem and getting fat off comfort food :D
(December 17, 2009 - 10:48 pm)
Try your best. :) I know it must be hard...
(December 18, 2009 - 7:42 pm)
*sigh* Thanks. I hear it's supposed to get worse next year in high school. I laugh at that. The drama can't possibly get worse than it is now. Yesterday in tech class, this guys (let's call him 'Liam'), laughed at me when I missed my chair sitting down. Only because he took my chair (we sit next to each other....joy.) and then I sat in his chair and missed. And he just sat there laughing until 'Kevin' came and helped me up and sort of glared at him. *thinks mean thoughts but then feels bad* *brushes it off and keeps thinking them* :(
(December 19, 2009 - 12:32 am)
Could you ask to get your seat changed? It sounds like maybe you'd be better off avoiding this guy... 'Liam'...
(December 19, 2009 - 5:44 pm)
I probably could, but he's not worth the effort. I think he was just doing that because I'm not really talking to him. He kept smiling at me and looking all apologetic but I just sort of shook my head and turned away. He'll heal eventually, lol. Not something i'm going to lose sleep over ever again :D
(December 20, 2009 - 12:51 am)
Yay you! :D
(December 20, 2009 - 11:55 am)
Trust me, he's not worth it. I agree with ML.
I really like this poem! It's really good! There's still 1 thing I'd change, though. I don't really like the line, "Have turned so opaque." Opaque is wonderful, but... Well, I think I'd probably change, "Have Turned so," back to, "Are suddenly." When you say, "So opaque," it just sounds... I don't know, but something just doesn't sound right about it to me. Or maybe I'm just not good at judging poems. I certainly wouldn't know, as no one has ever judged my judging skills before.
(December 20, 2009 - 11:18 pm)
I liked "fake" better as a rhyme there, honestly. Something about "empty and fake", mabe? But don't listen to us. The worst way to write a poem is by commitee :)
About your situation... I don't know what to tell you. I haven't been there, although I'm sure it'll happen eventually. It sounds like this guy does regret what he did, but that's no guarantee he won't do it again.
But I really like the poem. It would make good lyrics for a song, but I just think that because I'm a music geek
(December 23, 2009 - 3:47 pm)
Aww....
Koffee, you're really good at poetry. Don't let anyone get you thinking otherwise, m'kay?
(December 29, 2009 - 7:15 pm)
Thank you :D *tacklehugs*
(December 31, 2009 - 3:26 pm)
Koffee, my dear, I really love your tacklehugs. Don't stop, 'k?
Cheers,
lav
And my anti-spam code is "mvvf." Sounds like someone who's tied up and gagged. '"Mvvf!" she grunted.' :D
(January 2, 2010 - 12:45 pm)