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Letters to your characters.
We had a thread for this awhile back, and I'm reviving the idea 'cause I'm annoyed at Wolfy.
~
Dear Wolfbar,
All right. What on Earth are you doing invading my NaNovel? That's weird! You are supposed to be in England. Not this random AU I invented... That doesn't even make sense. You have absolutely no right to prance in and a) fall in love with Kelly and b) conceive a malicious plot to destroy humankind. WHAT? Again: WHAT? You're an overly self-confident stuck-up adolescent with aphasia and a superiority complex! And you don't even fit in with the rest of the characters!
Don't get me wrong. I *adore* you as a character. Really. I think you are a great, interesting guy, and I (stalkerishly) saw the link to TNO's (umlaut) website and the Sim she made of you is really, really cute. So yes, you have good character traits and good looks going for you. But... no. No. That's all there is to say. I have too many characters and subplots already, and anyway Kelly is what, sixteen?! That's a tad bit odd of you, frankly. And very out of character for you.
Not to mention that strictly speaking you are not even s'posed to be alive right now, and also not to mention the fact that you get waaaay too pompous and Stuish if you don't have someone shooting Cruciatas curses at you, which is why I do not want you in this particular story, because there's noone to do that. Except possibly Kelly, who thinks you're handsome but psychotic, in case you were wondering. I mean, you drove me to inventing characters (only mentioned once, yes, but still) named /Bella le Trickstrange/ and /Morte de Volde/. REALLY? I mean... REALLY?
The fact that I have a little bit of a crush on you means nothing whatsoever ((@ CBers: Jen has already made fun of me for this, so... ;D)), because that's just really pathetic in the first place. Of course, I can't cut you out now, because then nothing would make any sense... But I just wanted you to know that you are not making me happy right now.
Cheers,
-Mary Liz
submitted by Mary W., age 11.87, NJ
(November 15, 2009 - 6:07 pm)
(November 15, 2009 - 6:07 pm)
Heh. I've been waiting for something like this to come up. I need to yell at Rissa.
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Dear Rissa,
Hello. I am not very pleased with you at the moment, so just take the time to sit down and read this letter so you can fix yourself. Because you're being the opposite of who you're supposed to. I've enclosed the Character Manual.I would be extremely grateful if you could read and understand that also.
To get to the point:
You. You're supposed to be all sarcastic and fun. Not mean and... mean to Kali, even though she has issues. She can't help it! And what am I supposed to do, wave a magic wand and poof her like the rest of the characters? No, no, no, no. *shakes head* That would completey mess my plot up. The world doesn't revolve around you- okay, your world does. That doesn't count. Fix your attitude, got it? Or I might decide to have you and Jazz fall off the abyss and only have Jazz land on Kali's spirit bear. Got it? *glares*
And maybe you could change your feelings about Jake, even though you don't even know what he's planning yet. You have to focus on Morstos. I've already got something worked out, but you have to at least pitch in and help with your dialogue, you know! Jeepers creepers, characters these days! You're all like, 'Oh, why should I help? It's your story! I have to do incredible things in MY novel in the first place, so ohhh!'
You know what? Maybe I'll have Kali save humankind, while you get killed by the shadows. *nods* I like that idea. That'll be the consequences if you don't start shaping up, missy! I actually am liking Kali better than you, and she's lost her mind! Jazz is being so kind to her, helping her, treating her like she's her child, and then comes you. You're just so self-absorbed and... and... *brainfreeze* Jazz is only eight years old, and she's your apprentice! You can't just go snapping at the kid who's your responsiblitly. Got it? Good.
Sincerely,
Ema. >:O *yells and rants some more*
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She better listen or else....!!!!! *rants*
(November 16, 2009 - 3:33 pm)
((Yesssss, isn't his sim amazing? Though a bit obsessive, I'm afraid- I downloaded that hair just so I could make him. Also, did you read chapter 1?))
Dear Mort,
Kindly stop impersonating Moist von Lipwig. It's giving me serious insecurities as to my ability to come up with original characters. Yes, I understand that both you and Moist are con men and thieves, and both very good at what you do, but is that any reason to randomly start thinking like Moist? I don't think so. Of course, I know that it must be difficult, being driven slowly mad by random spurts of, um, pure randomness leaking off of Chaos, but even so, you're supposed to be your own separate entity and not a pathetic rip off of one of Terry Pratchett's funniest characters.
Moving on, by all means continue coming up with those wonderful one-sided conversations with the dog. It's doing wonders for my word count, you know.
And get over your paralyzing fear of Archmage Ketlevik, will you? Because I need you to confront him for the plot to move forward. It's that or have Jordan kill him and go into another depressive phase like he did after the Albert Wungern fiasco. Look, if it's any consolation, Archmage Ketlevik can't turn you into a diseased toad or whatever. It's important for the plot that you stay alive until very close to the end of the novel.
Best,
TNÖ Haley
P.S. Do keep in mind that Chaos is my Author Avatar and superbly over-flanderized self-insert/plot enabler. Believe me, she can make your life miserable if I so choose. But no worries, right? Right.
(November 16, 2009 - 5:57 pm)
@ TNO (umlaut): I did, yes. Very nice. Very technological and fancy. :) Harry is cute, and I like the Durseleys as well...
Nice Rudolphus, as well.
(November 17, 2009 - 5:55 pm)
((Like I said on the site, the Lestranges took foreeeeever but they're my absolute favourites. Especially Rabastan with those pretty eyes <3 I'm not entirely happy with Rodolphus' cheekbones, though. They look much too toddler-cheeky from certain angles... /obsession
Though, nevermind Harry's unbearable cute factor, you should have seen Godric as a toddler. Which is ironic, since I believe Word of God (JKR) said Harry's descended on one side from the Gryffindors...
If you want (shameless self-promotion) I could let you know when Chapter 2 is up... it'll be after November though...))
Back on topic:
Dear Spritely,
I think I love you. That is all. Continue to be awesome.
Best,
TNÖ Haley
(November 17, 2009 - 11:35 pm)
Wow TNO (umlaut). I have not understood a single word you have posted so far on this thread. O.O
(November 28, 2009 - 6:32 pm)
Dear Anya,
You weakling! You should have fought the darkness harder! Now I have no choice but to turn you evil and make you help to try to destroy the elves. I will probably eventually have to kill you. And then I'll feel awful. Why Why Why?
Charlotte, your creator
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Dear Liona,
Wow! I can hardly imagine what it would be like to be the rider of the last dragon. But I'll have to do the best I can to describe you and Dargaso. Dargaso, hmm, that doesn't sound rright to me but I'm not an elf. What are you going to do next? Are you going to try and rescue Anya? If you do that I'll tell you that you will fail.
Charlotte, your creator
(November 17, 2009 - 2:16 pm)
Dear (sort of) Leah,
Please, please, please quit being so boring. You have done absolutely nothing notable throughout the whole book. And you are my main character. It's your job to make something happen. DO SOMETHING! Don't let Kenzie do everything. If you do, Luke will end up with Kenzie, not you. AND THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! I was going to wait until the end to kill off Merik, but I'm seriously considering doing it right now, just to make something happen. Bye-bye, Merik! And it's all your fault, Leah. So bottom line: Just do something. Anything! PLEASE?!?
Very sincerely,
Maddy
(November 18, 2009 - 12:47 am)
((@ TNO (umlaut): And yes, Rabastan does have pretty eyes. All of the Lestranges are cool.
And also, veeery interesting Chapter 1 Outtakes. Again, cool Lestranges. Especially Bellatrix.
Re: Chapter 2: *grin* Okay, sure.))
Dear Dream,
I am getting to be very fond of you, mainly because of your (commetel platonic) friendship with poor Helena. That is making me really happy, because for heaven's sake with Valour ad everyone being so mean *pines for poor FMC* she does need someone who she isn't continually fighting with.
Your thing for Anita is very nice, in a lit snobbish sort of way, and again adds to my fondness of you because it makes you seem more human.
And the scenes where Helena is asleep and you appear in the dreams adds lots and lots of words and they don't even need to make sense. And so I love you for that.
So I have a couple apologies for you. One, I'm sorry for comparing you to Sebastian the crab, but it made sense in context. Two, I am really sorry that you are a Technical Nonexistent. That is tough, but in my defense you are a complete Figment of the Imagination. Yes, that confuses me too. Be quiet, please.
And, ermphhhh, most notably, number three: I'm really sorry that you're going to end up dying in the end. That makes me very sad too. If it makes you feel any better, Anita will probably cry a lot...
Until then, Dream, keep up the excellent work. Lots of love,
-Mary Liz
(November 18, 2009 - 12:48 pm)
TNO's website? What? So confused here!
(November 18, 2009 - 6:59 pm)
My website that I have. There's a link on my NaNo page, if you want to see it...
(November 18, 2009 - 11:08 pm)
Charlotte
I have woken up and am currently keeping you know who out of my mind all right! You don't have to turn me evil. If you do, the first thing I will do is turn you into a flea and start writing the book myself, then of course, Sedraga will win and we don't want that to happen do we?
(November 18, 2009 - 7:22 pm)
Charlotte
Let me help you on describing us! It is a warm feeling being close to Dargaso not cold like you would expect gold and silver to be. He makes me feel as if I could do anything that I wanted to. It's a wonderful feeling.
Well I'm sorry if you think Dargaso is a cheesey name. You are obviously not an elf and show it by not respecting one of the most glorious elf names of all time! I chose it and your going to have to live with it.
By the way, Dargaso would like to say this: Why would Liona fail rescuing Anya with me? You act as if I'm no good! I agree with Liona about the name DArgaso. Get over it!
(November 18, 2009 - 7:28 pm)
Dear Anya,
I don't truly believe you, but to stay on the safe side I won't make you evil as long as you try harder to fend of Sedraga and that you don't waste time writing letters to me! I'll do the writing of letters!
(November 19, 2009 - 9:59 pm)
To all my characters:
First of all, Rick. Please. Shape up. You're my main character, yet thousands of words into the story, you still don't have a personality. I've given you a depressing past. I've given you Emily. And Caramel. And now Cindy. Yet no matter how much I try to force a "somebody" into you, you are determined to be a nobody. And yes, I know Dovey is also a main character, but that does now relieve you of your responsibility.
Ah, Emily. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You came out of nowhere and now you're one of my favorite characters. And you're saving me from becoming depressed about Rick. Well, mostly. Now if you can keep it up for a couple thousand more words...
I'll get to the rest of you later. I need to go write (which I'm supposed to be doing now but am checking Chatterbox instead).
(November 20, 2009 - 4:39 pm)
Oh, Kelly.
Poor you. I'm sorry I'm making your life so crummy. But you take it really well, considering. Thank you for that. You're a great character, I really love you. And don't worry. You won't be dead much longer.
Hugs and cookies,
-Mary Liz
~
Dear Anita,
Considering that in RL you're nothing but a voice in my head, you're doing fantastically. I love your whole dictionary/thesaurus complex; you randomly quoting them does very excellent things for my word count. I'm killing your love interest, but you won't mind, right? Because you're so great...?
Yours in bribery (ahaha. as though you don't do it too, Anita...),
-Mary Liz
(November 25, 2009 - 2:06 pm)