New Short Story!!!!!!!
Chatterbox: Inkwell
New Short Story!!!!!!!
New Short Story!!!!!!!
Blue-Eyed Child
The tongues of fire twine around the fallen trees, the fallen buildings. The only light in this blurry gray existence.
The gun in my hand is heavy, and warm. From use. I see the tanks prowling the wreckage, spewing grit out behind them.
I know it should be sunrise, but the clouds suffocate the beautiful rays. It is dark , as if it were night. I walk around a doorway standing alone, defiantly, while the rest of the house has fallen.
A tiny spurt of flame illuminates somehting colorful in the gray wreckage. I lean down and pick it up.
A doll. Porcelain face, clothes bright despite the fine coat of ash that lands lightly on her skirt.
In my mind, I see a girl, eight at most, crying as we force her from the house, reaching out her hand, screaming for her doll. Her eyes are blue, blue like how the sky once was. But where is this blue-eyed child?
What have we done?
I fall to my knees, burying my face in my hands.
What have we done?
(August 15, 2009 - 9:15 pm)
Wow. That was amazing, Kit Kat.
(August 16, 2009 - 12:22 pm)
thanks!
(August 17, 2009 - 9:10 am)
Wow.
(August 17, 2009 - 12:16 pm)
That is such a great story.
(August 17, 2009 - 1:21 pm)
WOW! I don't know if I can continue such a, a, a- *muttering to self* Amazing? No Incredible? No, not good enough! Hmmm..... AH-HA! -such a WOW story!! No time anyway.... I'll try asap!
(August 17, 2009 - 6:46 pm)
Pretty good, Kit Kat. A couple of things - I would cut out one or two or all of the uses of the in the first sentence. Just feels better. And at the beginning of the third paragraph, I don't like "the beautiful rays" - it just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the story. The rest was amazing - the only things I saw to change were small things that had to do only with wording, and I'm awfully picky. Very good job.
-EH
(August 17, 2009 - 5:59 pm)
I put the beautiful rays in to contrast the story, and to show how beauty is destroyed, just so you know.
(August 18, 2009 - 1:50 pm)
First of all, sorry about the name. Second of all, that's A M A Z I N G.
Third of all, so it's a fire or what? But it's still great!!!
(August 18, 2009 - 6:59 pm)
That is sooo weird! we have almost the same name!
(August 19, 2009 - 9:40 am)
Oh I see, they're @ war... Ignore that other comment....Well don't ignore the good stuff. Well u know what I mean.
(August 18, 2009 - 7:01 pm)
Very short, and very good! Unlike me; I have a tendency for wordiness. Second only to your story about the holocaust.
(August 18, 2009 - 11:39 pm)
Nice story! I think it is really good.
(August 19, 2009 - 12:34 am)
Hey, you're from Washington too!
(August 24, 2009 - 1:10 pm)
Cool! What part of Washington do you live in? I am living near Dupont.
(August 26, 2009 - 3:36 pm)
should i post some more?
(August 20, 2009 - 11:49 am)