Story I'm working
Chatterbox: Inkwell
Story I'm working
Story I'm working on. Suggestions? Help? Critique? Disgust? All are welcome :D. Ideas for titles are also welcomed :D I have no clue what to call it...
My story is not an unusual one; compared to the hundreds of beggar children that littered the streets of London in my time. The only thing unusual about mine is that I survived. The chances of that happening are one in a million - surviving the way I had, at least. I was born Clementine von Trapp, a horribly uppity and stuffy sounding name. When my mother ran off, my father had no further use of me. So, at five, I learned to fend for myself on the harsh and unforgiving streets of London, shedding my noble name. I swapped it for something much more appropriate; Eulalie. Eulalie was the name of my older sister that I had always envied, and I named myself after her in the hopes that I could aspire to be as great as her. The name stuck, and soon I could hardly remember being called anything else. My “companions” were called Jo and Oliver, both of noble birth and self-named as I was. Jo had originally been called Josephina de Swart, and Oliver won’t even say what his true name is. “It’s so horribly royal sounding,” he would say with scorn, scrunching his freckled ski-jump nose, “I can’t even bear to think of it!” The reason that we three came to be friends was the circumstances of our birth. No one wanted to hang around begging with royalty, it would make them look like scum in comparison. That was the reasoning behind it at least. I’m not at all proud of where I came from. My father was a prince, and took a fancy to the shoemaker’s daughter. Five years after I was born, my mother ran away with a minstrel, and my father, in fear of the scandal, tossed me out in street without a second thought. Jo and Oliver’s stories are about the same. I would have much preferred to be the humble child of a cooper and a maid, such as Rose, who frequented the corner across from ours, was. It would be a nice change from the disdain that people glared at us with. It makes you feel awfully small and insignificant to have a prince for a father, yet rags for clothes. In a way, I should have expected that day that they drove us away from our corner. It had to happen eventually, and maybe it was for the better. Jo was awfully pretty, and could do puppy dog eyes and beg like no other person I’d ever met. Oliver was a mighty fine pick-pocket, as well, and while Jo and I would beseechingly beg and plead, he’d slip up behind them and relieve them of their wallet. I'm not proud of that fact, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to survive.
(July 13, 2009 - 6:46 pm)
Oooh! That's a good idea! Then she can be all gypsy-ish :D:D:D And they can go looking for her father, but when they show up, he's really sickly and the original Eulalie is actually evil and plotting to take over the castle and because she thinks that their father will die! And everyone finds out Clementine/Eulalie's story, and at first they shun her, but then the castle is falling to shambles and only she can save them! i could call it....*thinks*...*headexplosions*...*headdesk* Fine. I don't know what I'll call it yet, but something will come to me!
(July 20, 2009 - 6:16 pm)
that sounds like a great story! I can't wait to read it!!!! Maybe you could call it Eualie and that's it or maybe The Princes' Beggar or maybe Born in Royalty life on the Streets I don't know maybe somthing like that.
(July 22, 2009 - 8:17 am)
That explains why everyone else's characters have amazingly realistic last names, whereas mine are pathetic *coughcoughHufotiscoughcough* - the good names aren't made up *laughs*!
I thought it was really good! I liked Emily's idea of her father needing an heir, and coming to look for her, wogets kidnapped. However, that would mean Eulalie would have to be dead. Maybe at the end she could... wait a second. I have a suggesting for the ending, but would that be trying to control your story? I won't say it if you think it is.
(July 19, 2009 - 9:58 pm)
NO! It's not controlling at all! Tell me! Please! I'm desprate here!
(July 20, 2009 - 6:11 pm)
why dont you call the story Eulalae since it is a very important name?
(July 21, 2009 - 8:20 pm)
I luvs it, Koffe!
(July 21, 2009 - 7:53 pm)
hee hee! Thanks!
(July 21, 2009 - 8:26 pm)
it sounds really really great and im not joking or kidding or pulling your typewrighter.
(July 22, 2009 - 10:37 am)
I don't mean to be rude or anything, Miranda, but I'd really appreciate it if you would capitalize the beginning of your sentence and your "I"'s, as in I'm, not im. That brings me to the point, could you put apostrophes in contractions? And cut the run-on sentences? It'd also be nice if you would take the trouble to look up words you don't know how to spell, like typewriter, before using them in your writing.
(July 22, 2009 - 3:51 pm)
Pulling my typewriter? What's that mean? Thanks anyway!
(July 22, 2009 - 7:21 pm)
pull your leg but since your a writer....
(July 30, 2009 - 12:51 pm)
Hehe - oops, I just read this. :D I like it, Koffee, although it seems like you didn't really settle down into a one style. I mean, you have "My story is not an unusual one; compared to the hundreds of beggar children that littered the streets of London in my time." and "'It’s so horribly royal sounding,' he would say with scorn, scrunching his freckled ski-jump nose" in the same story, and it seems to me like they're totally different styles of writing. Maybe you haven't found your style yet, but from what I've seen you're a good writer. Maybe you were just stretching yourself, trying for something you don't usually write, and the result was a mixture of your original and what you were trying to get. In either case, I'm sure it will improve as you go on, and my initial impression is admiration anyway, which means it should be awesome when it's finished. Does that make any sense? Sorry if it doesn't. Blame it on the furniture downstairs. Great job!
-EH
(July 23, 2009 - 10:17 pm)
Oops... *runs away before she can agree with Allie and start heated arguments* I'll save that for BaB... :/
(July 24, 2009 - 11:51 am)
Wow, you're good. That's exactly what I was doing! I was trying to write so she sounded like she was kind of uppity and proper, to add that ironic vibe, but I'm not used to writing like that, so I kept slipping back to my usual writing style! *gives a cookie* Talk about noticing stuff! (Unless of course it was super obvious and if that's the case I'll feel like a fool...)
(July 25, 2009 - 11:22 am)
Nah, it wasn't super obvious. It's just the similies and such like that you use. (I've caught myself writing in midieval times and comparing something to a Ferrari or a light bulb. Big ouchy, that.) I think if you just go over it looking for that kind of out-of-place thing, you should be able to find and correct a lot of it, if not all. I'm glad I diagnosed it correctly!
-EH
(July 28, 2009 - 11:02 am)