Story I'm working

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Story I'm working

Story I'm working on. Suggestions? Help? Critique? Disgust? All are welcome :D. Ideas for titles are also welcomed :D I have no clue what to call it...

My story is not an unusual one; compared to the hundreds of beggar children that littered the streets of London in my time. The only thing unusual about mine is that I survived. The chances of that happening are one in a million - surviving the way I had, at least.             I was born Clementine von Trapp, a horribly uppity and stuffy sounding name. When my mother ran off, my father had no further use of me. So, at five, I learned to fend for myself on the harsh and unforgiving streets of London, shedding my noble name. I swapped it for something much more appropriate; Eulalie. Eulalie was the name of my older sister that I had always envied, and I named myself after her in the hopes that I could aspire to be as great as her.  The name stuck, and soon I could hardly remember being called anything else.             My “companions” were called Jo and Oliver, both of noble birth and self-named as I was. Jo had originally been called Josephina de Swart, and Oliver won’t even say what his true name is.             “It’s so horribly royal sounding,” he would say with scorn, scrunching his freckled ski-jump nose, “I can’t even bear to think of it!”            The reason that we three came to be friends was the circumstances of our birth. No one wanted to hang around begging with royalty, it would make them look like scum in comparison. That was the reasoning behind it at least. I’m not at all proud of where I came from. My father was a prince, and took a fancy to the shoemaker’s daughter. Five years after I was born, my mother ran away with a minstrel, and my father, in fear of the scandal, tossed me out in street without a second thought. Jo and Oliver’s stories are about the same.            I would have much preferred to be the humble child of a cooper and a maid, such as Rose, who frequented the corner across from ours, was. It would be a nice change from the disdain that people glared at us with. It makes you feel awfully small and insignificant to have a prince for a father, yet rags for clothes.            In a way, I should have expected that day that they drove us away from our corner. It had to happen eventually, and maybe it was for the better. Jo was awfully pretty, and could do puppy dog eyes and beg like no other person I’d ever met. Oliver was a mighty fine pick-pocket, as well, and while Jo and I would beseechingly beg and plead, he’d slip up behind them and relieve them of their wallet. I'm not proud of that fact, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to survive. 

 

submitted by Koffee
(July 13, 2009 - 6:46 pm)

I'm stuck. Help *looks beseechingly around* No author should be uninspired...

submitted by Koffee
(July 13, 2009 - 10:40 pm)

To the front you scallywaggert! Before I beat you with my sock! XD

 

submitted by Koffee
(July 13, 2009 - 10:58 pm)

Agh! Why was it on the second to last page instead of the last page!!! To the front!!!!!!!

submitted by Koffee
(July 14, 2009 - 3:48 pm)

Hmm. I like the begining... Hmmm. What could go next?? Maybe you could do something where she is pick-pocketing someone and realizes it's her dad... I'm kinda uninspired too... Oh well.. TO THE TOP!

submitted by Emma O.
(July 14, 2009 - 4:10 pm)

Maybe her father's looking for her, because he needs an heir and doesn't have any others, and then someone wants to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. Just a suggestion...

submitted by Emily L.
(July 14, 2009 - 7:29 pm)

Ooh, that's good! :)

Suggestions... hmm... I'm not good at suggestions. Um... maybe something to do with her elder sister Eulalie?

submitted by Mary W., age 11.53, NJ
(July 15, 2009 - 11:00 am)

Uhh, what happened to Eulalie ( nice name)? Is she dead?  You can't name it if you don't know what is going on. So far I am thinking: The princess of Londan Streets, or Royal Cast off.

submitted by Adina, age 12, Mostly in fanta
(July 15, 2009 - 7:13 pm)

By the way, Eulalie is not a name of my creation. I stole it from one of Edgar Allan Poe's poems...Baaaad Koffee

submitted by Koffee
(July 18, 2009 - 10:29 pm)

I like it so far! Good beginning. If I were you, I wouldn't feel any pressure to name it just yet. I once worked on a story for a year and didn't name it until after ten months or so, and I'm still not happy with the title. The only critique my lazy brain can think of at the moment is this sentence: "I'm not proud of that fact, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to survive." It sounds a tad confusing the first time you are reading through, you might consider changing it to something like "Don't get my wrong - I'm not proud of it. But as every street child learns right from the start, anything goes in the fight for survival." Just a suggestion, you don't have to change it.

submitted by Allison P., age 12
(July 16, 2009 - 9:11 am)

Yeah, good idea, Allison P. I couldn't figure out how to word it just right, but what you said fits great :D:D

@ Adina? (Agh! short term memory loss!): Eulalie did not die, she was a proper child, born from a Prince and Princcess, while Clementine/Eulalie was born of a Prince and a gypsy. That's why she was cast out on the streets, because of the scandal :D:D

Thanks for all the help you guys!

submitted by Koffee
(July 16, 2009 - 10:18 pm)

von Trapp, like in The Sound of Music?

submitted by JFB, age 13, Here and There
(July 17, 2009 - 6:55 pm)

The hills are aliiiiiive......

submitted by Julia, age 13???, Another Realm
(July 18, 2009 - 4:02 pm)

Um, yeah...that was my inspiration...I couldn't think of anything else *blushes*

submitted by Koffee
(July 18, 2009 - 10:26 pm)

Oh, it's fine, Koffee, I steal last names from movies and books a lot, especially vons and des and other two-word one-cap stuff like that... *is plagiarist* Sorry, Lena... ;)

submitted by Mary W., age 11.54, NJ
(July 19, 2009 - 11:03 am)

I think that you should put that she was looking for a place to stay one night and ran into her mother!

submitted by BuksRul, age 11, Colorado
(July 19, 2009 - 6:24 pm)