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Here's a story
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Here's a story
Here's a story I'm working on! I want some honest feedback so tell me if you don't like it. If you want to get in the story just make a sheet and I'll work you in somehow. So without further ado! I give you my story!
5/4/2024, Kool Labs---A week after the explosion
In the dark room, among the broken wires and hanging lights, something was waking up. It's eyes open, shedding red light into the room. Slowly it stood up, shaking dust off its midnight fur. Huge bat wings stretch out from its shoulder blades. It flicks them and hisses into the darkness
"Malum has awoken."
4/4/2024, The Alley---Moments before the explosion
The little white kitten stretches out in the sunlight, opening her jaws into a huge yawn. Her deep blue eyes open with a snap, and she stands up and shakes herself off.
"Snowbell! You be careful!" Her mother shouts.
"I'll be careful! I'll be back soon!" Snowbell calls back.
She walks through the alley, nodding hello to the other cats as she hurries through the Alley to a long day of hunting. Rain drizzles down lazily as she slinks through the alleys looking for a good full trash can that she can find some food out of. She looks left and right, then races across the road. She enters a dark alley and starts sniffing around. Looking for an easy meal or a rat. She hops on top of a dumpster and bends down to sniff what's inside.
Hamburger, old bread, grass. She thinks to herself.
Sniffing in disgust, she moves onto the next dumpster, A window opens and a angry voice yells out. Some white cold stuff lands against Snowbell's side. She ignores the person and bends down to sniff what was thrown at her.
It's ice! She thinks.
As she picks up a piece of ice, a terrified voice sounds out. Snowbell looks up to see an explosion appear up in the air. Shocked, all Snowbell can do is watch and hold the ice as the dust and fire zooms towards her. It hits her at full blast, she's thrown against the alley wall where she gets knocked out.
Where she descends into darkness......................................................................................
~~~~~
More later!
submitted by The Storyteller
(May 15, 2018 - 7:04 pm)
(May 15, 2018 - 7:04 pm)
Wow, this looks really cool! What does the charrie sheet look like? I want to be in it!!
(May 16, 2018 - 12:13 pm)
I'll post the charrie sheet. Also, I already have the main characters so you'll be a Side Charactor. And I want some unique powers so here's a list of what I have so far as well.
Ice Power
Super strenghth and invurnibility
Water Power
Reading minds, telikaneses, and stealing/sharing memories
Invisability and the abilty to pass through walls
Flying
Fire Power
Power over Stones
Sucking out life
Creating ropes out of darkness and activating dormant powers
Teleportation
The ability to see and comunikate with ghosts
Here's the Charrie sheet!
Name:
Age (kit, teen, young adult, adult, senior adult, or elder):
Gender:
Appearance:
Power:
(May 16, 2018 - 4:40 pm)
Can I be a shape-shifter?
(May 17, 2018 - 7:18 am)
Of course! The skies the limit!
(May 17, 2018 - 10:06 am)
Awesome!! I can't wait for the charrie sheet to be posted!
(May 17, 2018 - 10:59 am)
This seems very good so far!
The only issues I can find are tense issues; you switch from past to present towards the beginning. Also, be sure to connect words with 'and' and make the transition smoother. (As opposed to "connect words with 'and', make the transition smoother").
My CAPTCHA says choo! Awh, he's sneezing... Kinda adorable.
(May 18, 2018 - 2:29 pm)
Ahh yes, I have a problem with that. Been doing it for ages. Here's the charrie sheet:
Name (Please no warrior names):
Gender:
Apperance:
Power:
(May 19, 2018 - 5:05 pm)
"Good lad! Be good." Mr. Whiskers purrs.
He turns and watches as Slate races home.
"He's a good boy." Mr. Whiskers says to himself.
"Starfish, you're right. I don't like swimming." He admits.
"Oh Coco! I knew that silly!" Starfish purrs.
"You're right I should of known that you would never believe me." Coco purrs.
"Why don't you share this fish with me?" Starfish asks.
"NO! I hate fish!" Coco gags.
"Your choice. I'll eat it myself." Starfish shrugs.
"I'll see you later, ok." Coco says.
"All right. See you later." Starfish says.
She takes a bite of fish, and hears a loud boom. She looks up, a cloud of black smoke is rising in the sky. She stands up and starts walking forwards, when a cloud of dust and fire hits her. She gasps and flies backwards. She hits the soft sand with a whump, she blinks, trying to get up, but her limbs fail her. Her head falls down as she falls unconscious........................
(May 21, 2018 - 12:00 pm)
This is so awesome!!
Name: Isabel
Gender: F
Appearance: Slim shorthaired black cat with yellow-green eyes
Power: Shape-shifting
(May 21, 2018 - 8:22 pm)
(May 23, 2018 - 11:18 am)
"You're in the wrong spot kitty," she hisses with claws out, "I wouldn't want you to get hurt."
"Fang! I'm tiered of you hogging the Sewer! I'm going to take back my home!" The gray and brown she-cat hisses.
"Oh, Sera, Sera, Sera ! Aren't you a bad little kitty." Fang growls.
She throws back her head and yowls loudly. Sera growls and yowls back. They stop and glare at each other. Then they crouch down and wave their tails back and forth, hissing and yowling all the while. Then, they hear something, they stop and look up and around.
"Do you hear..." Sera asks.
"Run... RUN!!!!!!!" Fang yowls.
She bolts into the tunnels, quickly loosing herself in the caverns. Sera looks around and then sees a cloud of dust, filling the tunnels with flashes of fire and smog. Sera's mouth opens in a soundless yowl as she races down the tunnels, trying to find a way out. She's to slow and the cloud of dust catches up to her. She's thrown against the wall and is knocked unconscious as the world fades to black................
The black tom sits down and looks across the rooftops, watching as the sun rises over the houses. He smiles, looks around, and stretches. He turns around and growls softly as he sees the brown cat slink up behind him.
"So, we meet again Shadow. How are you? I hope you're enjoying your prize." The brown tom hisses.
"Peace Varil. You know the rooftops are neutral ground." Shadow drawls.
Varil snorts, but sits down next to Shadow. They sit in silence for a while, before Varil says.
"So, I hope you're taking care of her."
Varil nods and stares out over the city.
"You know... I could use some help. If you want you could hang out and help." Shadow says.
"No. I don't think that's a good idea." Varil says.
"OK." Shadow says.
They're staring out over the city when they see a white building explode in flames. A giant cloud of black smoke fills the sky. A wave of dust and fire races over, knocking down signs and making flags wave. It rushes to the two cats, sitting up on the wall. It hits them and knocks them backwards. Varil is pushed off the building and Shadow hits a chimney. He hits it hard and starts to fall unconscious. He stares up at the sky as it fades in and out of view.....................
(May 25, 2018 - 9:59 am)
(May 26, 2018 - 9:54 am)
Cool story!
Name: Tekasa
Age: Young adult
Gender: Female
Appearance: Rather small, with thundercloud colored fur, green eyes, and a quiet air about her. A tough, no nonsense look that makes up for her size.
Power: The ability to see ten seconds into the future, coupled with very fast reflexes
(May 26, 2018 - 1:26 pm)
BTW I've gotten like sixty pages already written so it might be a while before you see your charactors.
Augest 4th 2024, The Alley---A month after the explosion
Snowbell slowly woke up, to find herself covered in blankets and sleeping in one of the best parts of the Alley. Slowly she opens her eyes and looks around.
"Hey! She's up!" a little brown kitten says.
Three little heads pop up, an orange one, a black and white one, and another brown one.
"Where am I? Who are you?" Snowbell asks.
"You don't remember us? I'm your sister Chia." the brown female says.
"But... you're so big!" Snowbell exclaims.
"Well, you have been out for a month. Mama's been worried sick." the orange tom says, "I'm Cracker."
"And I'm Dill." the black and white one says.
"I'm Barley." the brown one says.
"Wait... where's Fallow?" Snowbell asks.
"He didn't make it." Chia sighs.
"Oh." Snowbell says.
She stops and remembers the little brown tabby, the weakest of the litter.
He didn't make it because I wasn't here to help Mother hunt. Snowbell thinks to herself.
Snowbell groans and stands up, she wobbles before gaining her balance. She shakes herself off, noticing that her fur has gotten longer.
"Let's go see Mama!" Dill exclaims.
The kittens lead the way outside. Snowfall comes out and blinks in the sunlight. The cats of the alley look up and start purring.
"Welcome back Snowbell!" They say, "Glad to see you on your feet."
The kittens lead Snowbell to the end of the Alley, where she sees a skinny, pale, yellow she-cat.
"Mother!" Snowbell shouts.
"Snowbell?" She says.
She looks up and sees her oldest kitten standing in the alley. She runs over and starts licking Snowbell.
"I'm so glad you're OK!" She says.
"I'm fine... what happened?" Snowbell says.
"After Kool Labs exploded, I got worried and went out to look for you. I found you in the alley, knocked out cold so I brought you here. I'm glad that you're all right." Mother says.
"Speaking of cold, Mama why is Snowbell so cold!" Dill asks.
"I don't know sweety. Snowbell are you sure you're all right? You are rather cold." Mother says.
"I feel fine! Honestly." Snowbell says.
"OK. Well, I have to get these little kittens to bed. I'll see you later OK." Mother says.
She rounds up the little kittens while Snowbell watches in amusement.
"I'm going on a walk." Snowbell calls to her mom.
"OK! Don't get knocked out again." Mother says.
Snowbell shakes her head and walks off into the busy city. She looks around, sits down in some sun, and starts grooming herself. After her long fur is groomed back, she walks to an alley. Perking her ears, she looks around for a mouse soon she spots one. Crouching down, she stalks closer, and stops. She waves her tail around, feeling her excitement rise. then, with a hiss and a burst of steam, the ground beneath Snowbell's feet turns into ice. She breaths out, shocked, and ice crystals form. They fall to the ground and shatter. Breaking the spell.
"What the?" She gasps.
Augest 4th 2024, Flower Springs Neighborhood---A month after the explosion
Mr. Whiskers slowly wakes up. He instantly feels sore all over and moans softly.
I'm getting to old to fall off a wall and not come out unscathed. He thinks to himself.
He opens his orange eyes and looks around. He's back inside, the flowery wallpaper seems to be staring at him. He's curled up in his cat bed, with a weird needle stuck in him. He meows loudly.
"MR. WHISKERS!!!" Ms. Bess yells, "SWEETIE! HE'S AWAKE!!!"
She rushes in, pulls out the needle, and grabs him.
"Is he really ok?" Mr. Bess asks.
"Yes, he's just fine." Ms. Bess says.
"Ha! And they though we were crazy!" Mr. Bess says.
Mr. Whiskers meows crossly and glares up at his owner. She laughs softly and sets him on the ground. Mr. Whiskers stretches and shakes his fur. He purrs and rubs his owners legs. After a while he walks over to the door and meows to be let out.
"Be careful Mr. Whiskers!" Ms. Bess gasps as she opens the door.
He walks out and stretches in the sun. The grass has gotten longer, but other than that the yard looks just the same. Mr. Whiskers shakes himself, claws up the fence, and walks around the houses. Soon he comes to a light blue house. It's been abandoned for a long time. Mr. Whiskers grunts and enters the cat door. Mice droppings and dust greets him when he enters. As well as countless statues of mice, birds, cats, and even humans.
"Slate?" He calls, "Slate! Are you OK?"
Silence greets him, and cursing silently to himself for watching so many scary shows, Mr. Whiskers walks deeper into the house. He passes the kitchen, living room, and den. Soon he walks upstairs. He looks around the bathroom and main bedroom. Now throughly spooked, he enters the little girl's room. It's empty.
"Hello?" Mr. Whiskers calls.
A thump is heard behind him, he turns around and sees Slate. Slate has gotten skinnier, and he now has tuft of gray fur covering his eyes blue eyes.
"Slate! Are you OK?" Mr. Whiskers asks.
"Oh yes... I'm purrrrrfectly fine." He says.
"What happened? Where are you're owners... and why do you have so many statues in your house?" Mr. Whiskers asks.
"You noticed! I'm soooo glad you did. I think that they're really nice." Slate hisses.
He creeps closer, pushing Mr. Whiskers against the wall. His claws click on the wood floor as he stalks closer.
"Let me tell you. You remember that explosion? Right? Well, I woke up before you did. Two days after as a matter of fact. I went home, was normal for a few days. Well, one day, some robbers broke into the house. My owners went down to see what was going on. They found little Cindy in the robbers hands. They had a gun to her head. They wanted the mom and dad to get them more money. They were going to do it. So I jumped in front of them to save Cindy. Wouldn't you believe it, but light came out of my eyes and turned them into stone." Slate says.
"What---" Mr. Whiskers gasps.
"I'm not done." Slate hisses, "Instead of loving me, you know what they did, they tried to kill me! And even Cindy was scared. So I made this my den, and killed anyone who entered."
"Slate. You aren't yourself! That could never of happened!" Mr. Whisker says.
"You don't believe me!" Slate gasps, "Let me show you!"
He flicks hair out of his now stone gray eyes, light bursts out of them, and hits the window. Instantly the room is surrounded in darkness. Mr. Whiskers gasps, and looks around. A weight lands on him and Mr. Whiskers is held down. Heavy stone-cold claws rest lightly on his neck.
"So, you know what I'm doing Mr. Whiskers, since my owners never loved me, I'm going to kill any cat with a good life. Starting with you." Slate growls.
"This is ridiculous! Slate, come live with me. My owners could help you. Help solve how you can make things into stone." Mr. Whiskers says.
"Their is no help for me." Slate hisses, "This is what I want to do."
Then, he flexes his claws to kill Mr. Whiskers. A crack sounds in the air, and Slate yowls in shock and pain. He leaps off Mr. Whiskers holding his paw to his chest. He looks at his broken claws and slowly they start to heal.
"No. It's not possible!" Slate yowls.
He leaps forwards and kicks Mr. Whiskers at the stone window. Mr. Whiskers hits the window and breaks it into pieces. He falls down and hits the ground with a thump.
"I'll get you! I'll get you for this Whiskers!!!!!!!!" Slate yells.
(May 29, 2018 - 11:02 am)
(June 1, 2018 - 8:56 am)